The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

How weird,

last night when Dh came to bed, I could smell his mouthwash (he's really clean!) very strongly, and could almost taste it.

Is that bacause I was completely sober, or maybe my sense of smell, etc is coming back, although I hadn't noticed it was gone!!

Day 13 for me, I can hardly believe it.

To all babes newer than me, that horrible sense of shame and disgust really does start to fade after quite a short while (well, it did for me). It seems comes back with a steaming vengeance quite often (yesterday afternoon in fact), but instead of reaching for the wineglass I pour myself some fizzo of some sort, and at least I know that in the morning it won't be another night to worry about.

threesteps well done on 10 days, I can't imagine getting that far!!

headless I struggled when I first boarded the bus to remember I wasn't the only one with a working keyboard!! And sometimes I just need to come here & have my rant stop back off again. The BB's have all assured me it is completly ok to do this & Mouse even has extra large ears when needed x

Good solid sleep is my ultimate goal & lack of sleep is often why I pick a glass up just for a nightcap but now I know that I can't do that anymore as I simply can't trust myself.

Thankyou for all the book recommendations I am going to have a look in the library.

I have also found a lady called Stephanie Wilder-taylor & she has 3 books on Amazon:
It's not you it's me.
Nap time is happy hour &
Sippy cups are not for chardonnay.

Has anyone heard of this author before? I have had a little look at her blog this morning.

Mouse Littlelegs was diagnosed with ventricular septal defect just after she was born weighiing 5lb full term. She has a hole in her heart that is allowing blood to pump from her heart into her lung.
She has no real immune system so picks up common colds all the time which make her quite poorly.
But on a very lucky side she does seem to cope daily without extra medication. She has a high calorie diet whuch helps her heart cope with al the extra pumping it has to do.
And unless she has a cold you really wouldn't know that she has a heart condition.

Righty I need to go & do some housework

Bloody hell, mamouth post with loads of typos from me again

THURSO Re: TMI - You go girl!! Not to be too graphic about things but I hope you had fun

thurso!! and red!! im very you norty girls!!

headless - keep coming back!, i remember the horrible feelings only too well and dont worry about being 'needy' thats what we're here for!! (same goes for you mouse!! dafty!)

btw, this smell thing, im beginning to find that its a bit like cigarettes for me, revolting!! - over the weekend i REALLY fancied a glass of wine, i took a sniff of dhs glass and ugh!!! horrible horrible, it smelt fusty, dirty, cloying and just yuk!!, i am getting used to having a 'clean mouth', thats the only way i can describe it!, all my different cordials/juices/tonic etc leave a clean fresh taste, so different to that nasty foul mouth i used to wake up to!

btw, where are off to silver?, i vote to go and see the northern lights!, something i would love to do!

thurso - 13 days!! Go you!!

And yes, mouthwash is a bad one for alcohol. As is screen wash in the car..... wiffy!!

3steps - 10 days, double figures now!!!! Great to see.

And everyone is sounding very positive in their achievements! Fantastic to see.

Headless - this is the one time in your life where most of us will tell you that being selfish is the only way forward. And in some cases will save the life that you love, the life that you once knew and the life that you want back again.

It all has to be about YOU right now. No-one expects anything back. We all just post whatever we do, to get us through the day.

As time goes by, you'll add support deliberately but just by posting your experiences with booze, thoughts, fears and how you are feeling is already helping us.

All of us gain something from the posts on here.

That's what makes these threads so fantastic and actually, so vaulable.

Right, I'm off to the dentist. AGAIN!!!

Laters Babes. xx

Hello all, just been catching up. So many posts this morning that I have forgotten who posted what, doh! Just loving being on the bus at the moment - needing support and hoping that I am able to provide some.

mouse good luck at the dentist lovely!

Some lovely posts. Wish I came on here last night instead of drinking, just feel awful to have no willpower. Had an argument with my DS who is 10, looking back I was frustrated and doing everything as I'm on my own and just increased my hours, expected a 7 and 10 year old to automatically step in and help .

As soon as I had the argument I thought there you go you have had a bad day now and so I gave myself permission to drink. Then my EXP phoned and so I ended up waking up the kids because they could hear my crying, they went to bed far too late as it was as I wanted company.

Just feel worse now, already finding myself making excuses to not see my friend tonight so I can drink on my own.

Can totally empathise with you Zany, it is so bloody hard on your own

Dear Zany,

just a thought, but I wonder if you have had the time to read much earlier posts.

I seem to have more time these days !!!!:)

I seem to remember MILFLAW writing (forgive me if I misquote) that it was willpower that kept him drinking. When he felt like cr*p, but would still pick up the glass, it was willpower that was helping.

I might have got this wrong, but have a look anyway. xxx

And, bless you, I know soooo well, that feeling of giving yourself permission to drink. Except with me, it was if I'd had a bad day, good day, busy day (fill in what you like), and I always drank, sort of on my own, glass in the kitchen, to be topped up during the evening.

Please, please don't beat yourself up, (as others have said to me on here), I know it's hard, but you are doing a brilliant job, bringing up DC on your own. Start by giving yourself credit for that.

I'm sure others will give you a wiser chat, ans I'm not long down the road myself. But, keep coming on here, it really, really helps. xx

Thurso I think you're right about what MIFLAW said, it really rang true with me as I often 'struggle' to drink through a cold or feeling ill/crap, that's dedication and willpower! Well done on 13 days by the way, brilliant

Zany I had a similar moment last week with work. Terrible day, lost a whole day's worth, and my mind immediately shot ahead to the evening and having some wine to comfort me. How I stayed off it I've no idea, but boy did i feel good the next day. The feeling the next day is worth telling it to 'fuck the fuck off' the night before (I love that quote!)

It's really lovely seeing all the chat and support on the bus. I still feel like I'm not being much of a supporter (I never know what to say, and often think any help I could give will be crap and wrong!), but hoping you'll not mind me being on here and wittering anyway!

xx

To anyone who is feeling like they are not being a support to others on here / feel like they ought to support others, here are my thoughts on the subject:

• I post here, firstly because it helps ME. I know that is selfish, but at the end of the day i am interested in keeping myself safe and I post the wise words or the drivel because it is helping to keep ME sober.

• When people post while they are drinking and they are feeling helpless, or after they have been drinking and they are ridiculously hungover or wretched with guilt, that all helps me to recall and relive my own moments of self-pity / shame / drink-induced vomiting, and it helps to strengthen my resolve to stay sober. So whatever point you are at, keep posting it helps me.

• When I reply to people offering my suggestions for managing a big night out, or for alternative delicious n0n-alcoholic drinks, it re-inforces all those actions for me for the next time I am wondering about it.

• there are lots of similarities between people on here, but i guess lots of differences too. I might posts something that one person loves but another person hates. None of us is a 'better' authority than anyone else. Sometimes deep thoughts are required, sometimes a simple word works wonders, sometimes loving support, sometimes and harsh kick. The thing is I cannot know or guess what anyone needs. i just post what i feel. It helps me and it might help someone else.

• although there are many who post on here, I am sure there are others who lurk and never post. We will never know what they are thinking, but who knows, somone may need YOUR post right now.

• This is a diverse group, and there's no way to keep everyone happy. Please post what you feel in your heart. It will touch someone, somewhere.

• And if you don't post that's fine too. Your journey is about you. You need to do this in the way that is right for you.

three just by talking about how you are feeling and how you are doing is being a support. At AA the 'old-timers' are so appreciative when there are newcomers becauses it reminds them of how it was and what they don't want to go back to. You may not know much about my 'story' but prior to joining this thread I had been 11 months sober but the past 7 months or so have been hell on earth, stop-start, stop-start. This thread has probably stopped me going completely insane!

venus think you just said it a whole lot better than me!

To who ever was after a book, 'exdrinker', a sometime poster on these threads strongly recommends Allen Carr's book called 'How to stop drinking alcohol', or some such. I would recommend that one.

Venus what a lovely post & will no doubt help a lot of us who feel like we are failing when we post about drinking again even though we said we wouldn't.

I think some part of my issue is to want to help others to take my mind of my own destruction.

If I am a kind & helpfull person that appears likeable & supportive during the day then does it really matter that I choose to drink myself unconscious most evenings when alone? ERRR YES!!!

drama being a 'people-pleaser' (which I think is kind of what you are saying your day time persona is like) seems to be a trait that most alkies share. I am certainly like that.

'I've had a truly awful day, it's been so bad because of XYZ. Feck it, I'm having a bloody drink!'

or...........

'I've coped so well with so and so today, but I'm just so wound up about it all, I'll have a drink to help me relax'

or...........

'Congratualtions XYZ went really well and ABC is excellent news! Let's have a drink to celebrate!'

All just excuses, not reasons to drink. It took me a while to cotton on to that.

If you want chocolate cake after dinner tonight, then have chocolate cake.

If you want to go to the shops at the weekend, then go.

If you want to re-decorate the lounge, go for it. If you want to drink, then drink.

If you want to stop, then STOP.

YOU can take control Brave Babes. The same as you would with anything else in your life.

Don't let alcohol win.

mouse how did it go at the dentist?

Thanks venus and red , I really appreciate the reassurance (people pleaser is exactly what I am too lol!).

red I have read your posts on the other threads and saw you'd vanished for a while. I'm so pleased you're back again, I got used to having you around as an earlier lurker! (me lurking that is). 11 months sober is amazing going, which is a total understatement. Does having done that help reassure you that you can do it again?

Off to defrost my toes. Just been out with the dog and it's freezing out there. Was singing out loud to myself, a sure sign i'm in good spirits (state of mind rather than outdoor bathing in gin or whisky)

speak to you later lovely Babes
xx

Red

I spent an hour waiting to be seen as 'an emergency' only to be told.......

'More antibiotics won't really work, you can try though, but really, your tooth needs to come out.'

NO SHIT SHERLOCK!! It would appear that I too could be a dentist if I wanted to be.

So it's a waiting game.

three - thanks for your reply. Yes it does give me hope that I can do it again. But I can only think about it one day at a time and to be honest it feels more like one hour a time at the moment!

mouse - what a bloody nightmare. Have you any idea when it might be? (I think I remember you saying that you would have to be put under for it??)

Mouse. In the big book of life rules that everyone is given on birth (what! did you not get yours?) it clearly states that anything related to dentistry carries an unrestricted right to moan.

I have a copy of the Allen Carr book that I will send to anyone who wants it.

Headless You didn't drink last night. I hope you log on here in the early evening. The first days of not drinking are tricky, and the benefits take some time. You will feel much better tomorrow if you can tell yourself you are on day 3. We are all here for you. We are all anonymous. Please feel free to post away.

And, now that I can manage bold, big hello to Diabolik, one of my personal 'helpers'. Good to hear that you are busy and not on a prolonged 'Mr Partridge'.