The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Vineyard.

[Mouseface]

Welcome to the Bus!

I'm Mouse and you'll find me snuggled sat at the back where it's warmest!

If you're sober, drinking, or somewhere between the two, you are more than welcome on board.

No judging, no cliquey groups and no closed minds here, oh no! Chances are, no matter how bad you may be feeling right now, one of the Brave Babes will have been there too!

So, come say hi.

And, to read the last thread and other journeys so far, follow this link

Oh poor Nemo oh no not on the carpet.
Little legs is trying to cough up a gold watch (one of my many nanny sayings) She has VSD so every little cold goes straight to her chest. She will end up in our bed sleeping sitting up on my chest tonight (another very good reason why I haven't drank tonight)

Hope Nemo feels better soon x x

I really am going to bed now.

Hi everyone.
Thanks for having me back.
My lightbulb moment in the early hours of yesterday morning...

I have got myself a new job near my family and DP, more money, a better nursery/ childcare arrangement for my DD, a better place to live, a DP who I have been with for 15 months who I truly love and am very lucky - and this after several years of serious crap that I have survived. I thought I was using alcohol to cope. But I wasn't. It was making me struggle to cope.

I was threatening all the things I've worked for with addiction - and denying it has made me struggle more and alienate the people I love.

I don't drink much with other people around, it's only in private. Which I think is a really stupid place to have got myself into, as I have turned down chances to spend time with people for alcohol.

Every glass I face I am going to think of all the things it damages.
The voice that says, oh it's not that bad really, is very loud though.
I woke up at 3:15 - the early wakening on sober nights is getting a bit frustrating - but I am certain that I must be better rested than I would be if I had alcohol-influenced sleep. I am re-reading some novels in the early hours.

noteven well done on all those changes to make your life and the lives of those you love so much better. In not drinking you will be able to relish it so much more. Hope your sleep pattern improves. It is true that even though you may not be sleeping long hours you are sleeping better.

Venus Your post about your 'lightbulb' moment was a surprise in the sense that whenever you post it seems that you have a deep and long understanding of what alcohol can do. I hadn't appreciated that JWN's post and the subsequent thread had been so pivotal for you. Thank you for that and for your many wise words - I agree with others that you have a very clear and empathetic writing style.

JWN I love the peace all around me too and in my head. When I woke up this morning I almost cried with gratitude. I said my little prayer to God (whoever he/she is) and asked for help not to drink TODAY. That much I think I'll be able to do.

cupoftea I know what it's like when you consider a life without alcohol but listen to the wise words here. I have the office party coming up too and know I have to get through it sober and am wondering how but try not to project and take it 24 hours at a time. Or even smaller chunks of hours at a time. I've realised that there'll be quite a few people driving at my do anyway and they'll only have one or two and why would I only want one or two?

Drama why don't you give your DH a book on alcoholism and the total inability of the alcoholic to just have one drink? It would be so helpful if you had him onside.

Have a good day all. I'm waiting for bloody British Gas to turn up cos the boiler's not working yet again so am freezing and wondering how to do my ablutions - mum suggested a stand-up wash like they used to do in the war. Then she told me about all the poor WW1 soldiers who used to drown in the trenches because they got so flooded. So of course it's nothing really but in the past I would have got to mid-afternoon and if the boiler wasn't fixed I would have started on the wine to make it better. But not this time, not this time.

Morning.
Mouse how is Nemo this morning?

Thank god I didn't drink last night, little legs is poorly & spent 11pm - 2am coughing in my face.
A friend took the older children to school for me as it is so cold & rainy here again.
She is currently being babysat by Mickey Mouse.

Dipso I would like to read some books myself about life stories, coping & alcholism - does anyone have any recommendations?

Hope you are all doing ok today & don't forget to wrap up warm, it's cold out there babes. x

Morning all,

Lovely to read more about you headless and lovely to 'meet' you cupof.

Loved the posts from mouse and JWN about watching the film to the end. And also all the advice about not projecting.

I had a lovely night's sleep last night. Went to bed by 10pm (wasn't asleep immediately, of course but still!)

mouse how's nemo?

Hello to everyone else!

Drinking A Love Story - Caroline Knapp
Cleaning Up - Tanya Glyde
Clarissa Dickson-Wright's autobiography

to name but a few. I find reading about other people's (women especially) struggles quite inspirational. Loads of stuff on the net too, support groups etc.

Well done for not drinking last night.

Morning dipso, thanks for those book suggestions too. Might have to have a look out for one or other.

Morning.

Nemo puked onto the wooden floor. Funny, when he was born we were in the middle of doing the house up. We still are 2 years on but no rooms have carpet, they are all wooden floors!!

Thank the Lord!! So it's just a mop and bucket job each time he vomits. He is ok (ish) this morning.

I'm back at the dentist later for more ABs. Deep joy.

Morning babes, not caught up on posts yet but will do!

Hope you are all ok, Mouse hope Nemo is doing ok and that your dentist was helpful and you're not in so much pain.

Wasindie well done and good luck with the new client.

Great to see all these light bulb moments too. JWN your post has helped so many people, thank you for your first post and your strength ever since. (and shoe updates!)

Red lovely to see you, how are things?

All ok here, no drinking since sat and I am definitely not projecting about a big challenge this weekend - great big family do oop north. I am refusing to think about it.

DD development check went really well, I was so proud of her. They thought all the behaviour was pretty much in the realm of normal toddler-ness. Big thanks to forthe for making me giggle re reference to poo-gate. I was pretty proud of me too - I parked the car in a proper car park!!

Mouse poor you and Nemo, sorry x posted.

Also didn't read Red post properly. Can I borrow some bleach mouse for my eyes too.

Red nice to see you are getting sleep and ahem, exercise . I don't know whether to be a bit or .

MsGee - no worries, been a bit self indulgent on here of late with all my moaning.

So, now that DD has passed her development check with flying colours, what's next? Is she at nusery full time yet? My brain is sieve like of late.....

And how is the new house coming along? Unpacked fully yet?

ello - I am still alive and sober - just busy :)

Mouse do not . Sometimes life is shitty and you need to moan and vent. Otherwise it builds up and makes you feel crap.

Hope I wasn't being too smug about DD, just feels like we have come such a long way since I first posted on here. She is a different child.

She is at nursery 3 days per week and although I am looking at options I think she will stay there till school. I think that when she is 3 1/2 I might put her up to 4 days per week but reduce the hours, so its more like a school day. Not sure, I am torn between spending more time with her whilst I can and working to pay for this darn house (and having me time!). And I am feeling a bit broody... so perhaps I will be brave enough to start trying for another next year.

Kitchen nearly finished in new house ... yay! My office is going to be painted tmrw, then DD bedroom on Friday, hopefully we get carpets next week. Only downside is that the bathroom ceiling started to leak yesterday and we are fast spending our budget so I can't really afford any plumbing disasters.

hi diabolik good to hear you are both alive and sober

Morning all. Mouse don't worry about moaning - you manage to deal with so much and if a bit of self-indulgence on here helps, then please feel free. I remember how miserable I was when I had my wisdom tooth out - I even went back home to stay with my Mum and Dad.

Glad to see you around diabolik

Has anyone seen luci around recently? I have missed some posts but I don;t recall seeing her lately. If you're out there lurking, just drop in and let us know that you're still around.

TMI : Born again virgin no longer applies
:)

diabolik - nice to see you back on the bus!

Drama - what is VSD? And how is little legs affected by it? [nosy emoticon]

Wasindie - well done for getting through a couple of days.

NEAS/M - hello, didn't say hi to you when you came back, sorry! You have been busy!!!!

One thing I found whilst taking my last lot of ABs (bleurgh) was the smell of alcohol on DH's breath made me feel sick!

I hadn't noticed it at any other time during my sobriety, and also just how strong beer smells. Becks, Stella etc in a glass. So sour smelling. It repulsed me.....

I wonder why now? And not when I started out?

OOh feeling broody MissG...

I had 4 1/2 years between my dds and it was a lovely gap. dd1 was old enough to being doing her own things by the time 'the baby who was sometimes a bit noisy and annoying' arrived, and she loved to help out.

Thurso

mouse I noticed the other day that dh's deoderant (which i borrowed) had alcohol in it. I could taste it in the air (I promise I didn't lick it) and it made me feel really revolted.

Hello everyone, I did not drink last night.

I have to apologise now, I can't see through my own shit at the moment to try and read and take in how you are all supporting each other. I will do, I think I just need a bit of time.

I am in that state of panic - what did I do, what did I say - will my "friend" try and destroy me now. We have shared secrets/lives for so many years. I think I am feeling so sick right now as I still cannot get over how vicious she was.

Anyway, I have to go to work now and I am out this evening for business (no drinking involved). I will log on during the day if I get 5 mins and then later tonight when I am home.

Thank you again for being there.

Morning all

Day 10!!!

Felt like i'd been knocked out with a sledgehammer last night, won't count my chickens but maybe my sleep is starting to balance out (crosses fingers).

Drama another book mentioned on here was High Sobriety, I can't remember who the author is but she's a famous wine writer/journalist.

Have a good day everyone

Hi headless please just be gentle on yourself and take things slowly.

You can either use to experience the other night (and your horrible feelings about it) to beat yourself up and make yourself feel bad. Or you can use it as a lesson, and choose not to get into that situation again.

Then just take it one step at a time, recovering, forgiving yourself, understanding yourself and creating a better way of living and enjoying yourself. have a good day.