Hi Bees,
No, I haven't remained friends. I do see him very occassionally, but only in the company of others and when our two social worlds have to collide (like for a big event that we're both invited to). My DH made him promise that he'd not contact me and vice versa, and we are respecting that.
I don't like to say it, but I fear you are only after his friendship to avoid letting go entirely, and to keep him close. Was he really that good a friend to you before this declartion? How often did you see him? Would he have listened to your problems like your best girlfriend? Did you go for months without even speaking to him (and not think anything of it?). I suspect you have repositioned him in your mind (and heart) as being a far more important friend to you than he actually was. You're clutching at the friendship card so that there is still a little bit of hope. Am I right? Probably, because I have only just stopped doing this myself. Now that I am rational about it and can see things clearly, I can see that 'my' OM was never really there for me as a friend anymore than the other males in my social group. Fair weather friends I call them and not altogether indispensible.
Bees, our experiences are eerily similar. 'My' OM made a moon and start declaration - said he'd never feel the same for anyone else again, that he couldn't face getting married to his ex because he knew it was me he wanted. It blew me away. Then, after a few intense conversations and texts, plus two secret meetings, he declared he wouldn't be happy taking on my DCs. He asked me 'who would you choose, me or your DCs' naturally I said DCs and he just went - well there you are then.
Following this he began to talk about his GF (which he started seeing just before declaring undying love for me) as his potential life partner, which hurt like hell. (Incidentally, it's not working out which gives me a certain sort of pleasure to know!) He said he couldn't have what he wanted with me and couldn't live with the guilt of an affair so we should just be friends who loved each other. I just wanted to cut ties as I couldn't just maintain a relationship at the time where we joked and chatted about what I saw as being trivial things. I was far too hurt.
Now I'm just left wondering why he had to lay it all on so much. What would have been wrong with telling me something along the lines of 'I always fancied you,' or making a joke like 'If things were different', but without giving into the emotion of it. Another male friend of mine always tells me that he fancies me and I've even heard that he has told the OM that he - the male friend - should have married me and not his own wife. But I don't fall apart over him because the admission was far less dramatic and I just laugh it off as (usually) the beer talking. This man has let me know, but has managed to keep things light and in context.
I think the OM had such an impact on me because he tapped into my very much forgotten romantic side, when I was vulnerable and had just had a baby. The word 'love' was used for a start - I would never tell anyone I loved them unless I had been in an intimate relationship with them for about three months! I'd never use it on an unsuspecting person that I'd never been intimate with (emotionally or physically). It's such a powerful term used to create havok and I think that what it got to the core of me. I think the OM is a bit of a twat for laying it on so thick - I knew he fancied me, but I wasn't prepared for undying love.
However, the 'undying love' has died. It was just a pile of crap. Bees, like my OM, your man may think he loves you but believe me he doesn't. If he did he would take you kids, baggage the lot. I'm sure he cares about you and even THINKS he loves you, but not in the real sense. He probabaly really wants you, but not in a commitment sort of way.
Be realistic, how can you turn back the clocks - especially so soon? I doubt we're very dismiliar and just look at my post from February. I'm only just now considering the prospect that I will one day be so over it I will be able to go out in a group with him and not feel that I was trying to win him back in some way. It's taken months of 'self-therapy' and work. However, I suppose your situation was over and done far faster than mine was (which dragged on for about six months) and so maybe the healing will be sufficiently faster too. I hope it will be Bees, you sound lovely.