The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Carry On Past The Offy!!

[Mouseface]

Well, this is our tenth thread so we are throwing a little party!

Everyone is invited! No booze of course, soft drinks and mocktails only!

I'm Mouse, hello.

There are all kinds of drinkers on board the bus. Come and join the journey, whatever stage you are at, drinking, cutting down, wanting to stop or sober already.

Everyone is welcome to post here. Come say hi.

The journey so far is below.

JWN's original thread

Thread two

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Thread nine

dementedma

it means that you acknowledge who you are but most importantly what you are e.g a fallible human being .. an alcoholic ( drug abuser etc ... )
This acknowledgement will help you - it is a hard to describe step as it is not a logical step as I understand it. Its a step you make on the deepest essence of your being .. Thats wy most drug rehab fails because the user hasnt gotten to that point

But you will know when you get there as it is a life changing experience .. ( MIFLAW correct me if wrong and Im getting the wrong end of the stick )

I mean, give up seeing it as something you are going to "beat". You have already lost. So walk away.

Imagine drink as a boxer. He (or she) is twice your weight, twice your height, doesn't mind inflicting pain, and fights dirty. If you sqaure up to it, you will lose - and you will lose in a painful, protracted, humiliating and quite possibly fatal way.

However - you have an alternative. Just get out of the ring, put your shirt on, and walk away. You are not obliged to drink. You are well past the point of getting any benefit or real pleasure from it and those days are NEVER going to come back.

So put the drink down. Do so very consciously and remember that that boxer is going to be leaning over the ropes, shouting out your name to come back, for a little while to come.

So start walking and keep walking. Don't try to control it. Don't go back for one last try. Don't go back to test out any bright ideas. You've lost. Walk away. And every time that voice tempts you back, remember how you feel now and how you felt during and after your last drink.

Remember - if you leave now and you really miss the madness and misery it brings you will have the option of going back tomorrow for another beating.

but if you stay in the ring there is no guarantee that you will have the option of getting out tomorrow.

Thank you for all your kind words. It has got too big for me and I need help. But one day at a time. I hate what I've let it do to me and my DD. I am so glad to have found you ladies.

noteven how did your interview go?

noteven

What has drink done to you and your DD? Surely, you have done 'it' to you and your DD.

I understand what you mean but you are the one whole opened your mouth and drank. No-one force fed you the booze did they?

You have used it as a 'crutch to get through life', you have used booze to 'blunt the edges when things have got on top', you had that one glass or bottle too many, once too often.

The guilt that you are feeling is completely normal but you only have yourself to blame, you can't blame an inanimate object can you?

Do you see what I am saying? I know it sounds harsh, the point I am making, but you have gotten yourself and your DD to this point in life and only YOU can change things.

If you want to stop drinking, then stop.

It IS that easy. MIFLAW's post above is brilliant, no?

Why on earth would you want the shit kicked out of you every day by said boxer?

And yet when you/we drink, we are putting ourselves through that pain/beating again and again.

So, take control. YOU can do this. For YOURSELF and then, in turn, for your DD.

And now that you have acknowledged you have a shockingly shite relationship with alcohol, you are one step nearer to changing your life for the better.

MIFLAW's post is brilliant. And, I did say that I've let it. But yes, you are right, I have done that to myself and my girl. I got the job though. So here is a new start (wobbly smile)

I find it helps me to see each day without drinking as another day 'down', beaten. But maybe that's just because I'm in the very early stages where each day feels like such a battle, and I do feel as if I've won when I get to 11pm and haven't had anything?

Sorry, rubbish typing again and yes, noteven - how did your interview go??

X posted - CONGRATS!!!!!

LRD - that's such a wonderful high isn't it? The 'I made it' feeling you get once the danger times have passed.

It does get easier, I promise.

Be warned those at the early stages though, you will have a fantastic high and such a sense of euphoria and then BAM!

You might get some almighty lows too. Once the intial high of not drinking, deep, luxurious sleep returns, and feeling alive wears off a little, you might start to feel down.

THIS IS NORMAL if you experience it, you may be lucky and escape the drop. Hopefully you will. By the end of three or four weeks, you should feel more 'even'. Mentally and physically.

YOU can do it. But as I have said so many times before, YOU really have to want to stop.

I didn;t at first and I fell off the bloody bus, arse over tit, more times than I'd care to admit!! Luckily, the bus has a 'Brave Babe Overboard' facility and came back for me!

You can't do thid half hearted.

Congrats Noteven on getting the job:)

Congratulations noteven (cross-posted with you earlier). What a nice thing to start you on your way!

Thanks vampire. It is good to know there's somewhere to come along and chat, and people who can give me a sense of what's normal and what's not. I suspect I've got to the 'dip' before, and fallen, but hopefully not this time.

" know live isn't about the hedonism and living like its your last day on earth - but how do I fill up that space that emptiness I felt during those years which I know will return.. That's what I don't get and the stronger I get because of not drinking / living it up whatever ( physically and mentally ).. the harder it gets to resist .. its been a pattern through out my live"

Well, what caused that emptiness? It would be ridiculous to say it was drink or drugs, wouldn't it - or you would never have stopped. And, more to the point, you would have felt it from birth, in which case, how did you fill it for all those years until you finally allowed yourself your first drink?

Also, why do some drugs work at closing it (alcohol, for example) and others (nicotine and caffeine, for example) don't?

You also describe being without it as being a bit flat and dull - yet alcohol is a known depressant. How does THAT work?

Wasindie

Poor DT! And yes, the likelyhood is that the other will get it and then pass it between you and DP.

Children are wonderful for sharing germs!

LRD - at least you recognise that is may be a dip! That's a huge thing in itself.

Because then you can decided what to do about it.

BTW - I'm Mouse normally, only VampireMouseface due to halloween. Apparently, there really is such a thing as a vampire mouse! Eek! I promise not to bite!! Well, unless one of you asks very nicely!

I agree as before my 14th I was a shy but generally happy kid even if slightly confused by the world around me like any other adolescent.

Its also what I haven't got an answer to - and it goes beyond the initial step of stopping drinking. I guess its something I need to try and get an understanding off.

As for why some drugs do and others don't work in closing the gap - quite smoking a couple of times over the years and even recently - and it causes that gap just the same - coffee not as much but never tried stopping that . ( hmm addictive personality - just a bit )

for alcohol being a depressant - is that the after effect ( eg the hang over ) or when your drinking as I never experienced it like that -

To anyone who needs more info on AA, look at this site, created by and for 'ex-steppers.
stinkin-thinkin.com/why-i-left-aa-stinkin-thinkin-stories/

diabolik - for me, alcohol is a depressant both during and after.

Because of how it messes with your emotions, your sense of perspective, your sense of reality etc, it is a very savvy depressant in my opinion.

You feel on top of the world one minute and the next, you are lower than hell.

You drop like a stone just as fast as you rise with those first initial buzzing highs.

For me, my world would end if I was in a negative frame of mind when I drank.

Or, it was the opposite, I could be high as a kite and on top of the world. All night long!! The life and soul of the party, the oker, the clown, the one that everyone wanted to talk to and be with. Pha!!

Until the next day when the downer was so intense, I could've easily have ended it all. So, what did I do? I drank again of course.

To stop that low, I chased the highs again. And round and round and round it goes!

A lot of people have no real idea just how much alcohol can control you. It sneaks up on you and bites you in the ass. If you let it.

That is what I mean when I bang on about taking control.

YOU have to take control.

Justmefornow

Thank you for that unbiased approach.

As this is a site for people who are desperate to stop drinking abusively and as you have now done your little bit to diminish the attraction of AA, I assume that you have an alternative to suggest that you know works for people in similar situations?

I mean, you wouldn't just come on here to shit stir, would you?

"As for why some drugs do and others don't work in closing the gap - quite smoking a couple of times over the years and even recently - and it causes that gap just the same" - so, if it's just the same, why not start smoking again and stop everything else?

Simple, no?

Also, JMFN, I note that most of the posters on the other site are American (where AA is known to be more doctrinaire than in the UK) and that most of their problems seem to come down to individuals (them or others) doing the diametric opposite of what the programme says (I am thinking especially of imbeciles interfering in people's relationships with medically prescribed drugs.)

Of course there are sick idiots in AA. There are everywhere.

If I had to avoid everywhere where i had a chance of meeting sick idiots I'd be even more confined to my house than when I was drinking!

I find that with me, when I'm not drinking my mind is always busy and I can't 'switch off'. I did most of my masters and most of my undergraduate degrees while drinking quite a lot and certainly last year (the first year of my PhD), I was drinking plenty. I think ok when I'm drunk, but don't have to deal with the constant barrage of thoughts and the boredom you get. I don't know if that makes any sense but I suppose for me that's the attraction and the 'emptiness' that's being referred to.

I've spent sooo much money on Amazon/ in bookshops just in the last few days trying to find something to read - which means, something to do with my hands and my scurrying mind!

I've never smoked or done drugs, so I don't know if anything else would 'fix' it - don't fancy trying obviously!

(Sorry, if it's not clear, that was meant to be a response to what MIF is saying. )

"don't have to deal with the constant barrage of thoughts and the boredom you get."

Fair enough.

I think I've forgotten a bit, so please remind me of what the excitement is in being drunk. Not going out, meeting friends, etc - specifically, of being drunk.

Also, what are the "thoughts" you are trying to shut out? From the little I remember of my own PhD studies, thoughts were very important - so these must be different thoughts. What are they and why do they need shutting out?

Well, the point is that being drunk isn't exciting.

I don't mean bad thoughts. You know how when you are drunk, your thoughts go very simple and boring (which is why drunk people are not interesting to be around)? That's what's appealing I guess.

It's not good, is it?