ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.8

[teaandcakeplease]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity

Good night all early start tomorrow.

night rom.

Night Maybee and Rom, sleep well.

Been on here all night, I'll have a bum shaped mark on this here chair and still haven't eaten dinner Must eat and get to bed.

I'm so sorry LC.

No, best friends don't shit on each other like that. He's a sorry excuse of a friend at all.

I'm beggining to think that men really can't help themselves. That they're programmed to drop thier trousers without a second thought.

Maybe womankind is just flogging a dead horse expecting anything else from them. Maybe they're not supposed to be faithful.....?

I don't know. I just know that so much pain and devastation is caused by them and their willies and if that's not going to change (and it's not) then maybe women need to change the way we think. I just despair at it all sometimes, it all seems so wrong.

Sleep well girls, tomorow's another day.x

pink ...shall we start a dumpling revolution???

off to bed now big hugs everyone and a big group hug to lc

Evening All.

Busy, busy, busy on here this evening

LC, can i start by saying ((((HUGS)))) i totally understand where your coming from re H staying tonight and all i can suggest is to try and get some sleep and face it as a new day tomorrow and make decisions then, i hope OW and her H leave you in peace, surely they need to deal with the fallout of this themselves not keep badgering you

Pink, i too despair of it all and think men are programmed in certain ways, i sometimes wonder if my X's decision to leave and that he doesnt love me had anything to do with my decision to have no more children as the last 3 were his idea and when DD(10 months) was only 4 months old he said it would be a shame her not having a sister 2 months later he left me, only time will tell if i was correct i think

Maybee, Welcome, i dont know any of your story so if someone could link me to it i would be grateful and i am very sorry that you have found yourself here

Tea, hope your eating and nothing too heavy, dont want you being sick :o
Glad the course is going well and helping, shame it is ending soon though

Rom, your sounding a lot brighter, i hope this lasts for you, sleep well

WQ, same here re first xmas, xmas is a particulary hard time of the year for me anyway for reasons i wont go into so am dreading what it will bring this year, think i may be a complete wreck

Starting, XP is a twat i agree, he text 2 hours after i text him saying i was being unreasonable and that someone had crashed into his car and drove off, i said he should have told me and by time scale if he'd got here when he said he would it wouldnt have happened hahahahaha Karma, i love you :o

Happy, BE moving, how are you feeling? are they any positives for you in this move? (i'm trying to look for the positives in everything atm)

Hope everyone is ok and sleeps well xx

Hi sov, in answer to your earlier question no, I am not with him anymore. He left in May following a huge, awful row. He then wrote me a letter saying that we should have some time apart and rebuild our relationship. We tried that for a while and then it became clear to me that I was moving and changing and he wasn't so I told him it was over completely. It was hard to do but I couldn't do the limbo bit anymore.

Still in touch every day and, right now, I don't know what I want, but I do think that if he asked to come home tomorrow I would have to say no.

Ate some re-heated old beef stew. Sov bet you're glad you didn't agree to another baby. Your H is in bonkersland indeed and a liar me thinks!

I love the term bonkersland! Do you think they all have meetings there to discuss their stupidity?

And on a separate note, I have put on a couple of pounds - yay for me!

Blimey, pop off to work for a few hours and look at all the posts. It's raining freaking Dumplings. I seem to remember tho that Oct/Nov is Dumpling season and this time last year I came on here and was 'saved'. Anyone worried about Xmas do not fear - I seem to remember that we managed to have some fun last year....

Welcome Maybee, not to be confused of course with Maybees who is not online atm. I can report tho that had a text from her today and that she is alive and kicking .

There are so darn many of us here now that I am getting confused about who we all are. Meet up required soon I feel!

I can confirm BTW that BE (bald eagle) for the uninitiated, will be approx 4 hours away. Can't be sure quite where as sad f*er is still unable to say where Bumpkin lives. On the positive side it will be nice that he is going far away for me. On the negative side, what about my poor DC's. And such bad timing for DS1 given issues with him that will be coming to a head one way or the other in the next few weeks Ffs.

Actually, since Bumpkin's location has never been confirmed, maybe she lives in Bonkersland.

Thank you for the hugs. Can feel them all wrapped arond me. Will try and get some sleep and hope that the sun is shining tomorrow. Gotta be better than today. Goodnight and thank you all x

"Bonkersland" sounds like a good location for them all ! ((Hugs)) Happy.

Thanks for the update on Maybees (Patience) & Patience you're in my thoughts & really hope your managing to settle in & that you'll be back online soon ((Hugs))

Maybee, welcome . I split from xh when my dc's were the exact same ages as yours in Sept 08. First xmas was indeed v hard but I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel & I've got there . I used to be more concerned about my 8yo too but it all worked out fine. Just do the best you can day by day. Agree it's v important to do nice things for yourself i.e. paint your nails, lavender baths, coffee with a friend, treat yourself to something nice etc. You will go through a grieving process for the future you & your dc's have been robbed of etc but you will come out the other side. My xh also had addiction probs. I had given him so many chances & he'd gone for help at times but it always ended back in the same place. In the end one thing lead to another i.e. infidelity etc & that was the end of it for me. ((Hugs))

Karman & Rom, Lovely to read your posts ((Hugs))

LC, big ((Hugs)). Tomorrow is another day. Take care.

Sov, it's amazing how these men can never take responsibility themselves & always have to blame someone else .

Pink, really think it's only a certain breed of man is like this. They appear to have similiar character traits such as selfish, selfcentered, immature etc..

Tea, hope you enjoyed dinner

WQ, you are sounding so positive . Did anything ever come from that internet man?

Why? Still trying to work out why?

hi everyone,

starting - no internet man did a runner when he read my profile properly and realised i had two children muppet!!!!!

lc - hope you got some sleep last night.

getting - where are you are you ok?

happy - hope you are ok about BE, it is very sad that he is going so far away for your dcs sake.

it is all getting a bit complicated with names isn't it????? maybe a new year meet up ?????

sov, karma

tea - hope beef stew was not too old

karmann - i keep meaning to say that i am sure you posted on some on my threads back in the beginning and i wanted to say thanks.

BIG HELLOS to everyone on the thread.

WAVES ACROSS CYBERSPACE TO PATIENCE ////\

Oh City Doll after 37 years together the pain must be excruiciating at times I wouldn't try and work out why. Maybe MLC related among other things? Who Knows, it must be so hard but you may never have all the answers ((Hugs))

No WQ the beef stew was only 24 hrs old and had been in the fridge, so I re-heated it

Off to mums and tots soon. Hope you're ok this morning LC and back to dumpling power, chin up and tits out as Patience says. Bonkersland is her saying actually. It's good isn't it?

Hello everyone and welcome to Maybee . Even with a sad face lol@ "raining dumplings" !

LC how are you this morning ? What a complete nightmare for you and agree with the others why are the ow and and her H hassling you ? As I said in my pm unfortunatly the next few days will be excruciating but LC you are a very strong woman and maybe in some way this is for the best in terms of drawing a final line under the idea of reconciliation with xp and not getting drawn into feeling sorry for him living in his bedsit or wherever he is destined for.

Happy its bizarre that after all this time you still arent allowed to know where Bumpkin lives do they think you're going to hunt her down or something ? Fours hours is a long way in the case of emergency etc and I know you've had a few lately. Says it all about him really doesnt it.

CItydoll I agree with Tea try not to drive yourself crazy with why, I Spent ages doing that and never really got far with it. Better if you can to focus on yourself.

WQ sorry but lol at internet man. I think the advice you gave on 1 practical and 1 emotional step is great and it worked for me.Its a way of trying to regain some control out of the chaos isnt it. So wonderful so see you positive and fired up.

Karmann really sorry but I havent read your story but from what you have said here it sounds like you have been through an awful lot . When you are ready let it out on here it just helps sooo much.

Sov your xh sounds like a prize arse why didnt he say about accident in first place ? You too are sounding happier? I hope so.

Tea the course sounds great and this weeks sounds like something I would be interested in might ring and pick your brains !!

Starting glad Norms still on the menu !

Well have had a difficult couple of days with xh , found out something which has shown me to have been very gullible indeed re money and Its a mixture of anger at myself for being so stupid and naive and loathing of him for what he has done. Now I am just trying to accept whats done is done and hopefully in the next couple of days we will have agreed terms and I wont have to speak to him again for a very very long time.

When we speak for any length of time he is so cold and unpleasant to me and I cant wait to be rid of that. Its also the rewriting of history that constantly goes on to justify his actions that is by turns depressing and hilarious. As my bf said though its just self preserving and I shouldnt take it personally.

After a couple of days of lots of sobbing and upset toady will see a return to dumpling serenity with chin up and tits out!!

LC I hope you are feeling a little better and stronger this morning. I've been thinking of you and my own reactions to your update. I acknowledge that I am not attached to your DP and am therefore more objective, but I keep coming back to you earlier threads before you seemed to suspect what was going on. I haven't searched this morning, but I recall one from you in Springtime, when you started a thread about how low you were feeling.

Then of course your one from the summer, which finally resulted in you giving yourself permission to think the unthinkable - and which led to an immediate discovery.

Now that you have some sense of when this all started, I think it might be helpful to you to chart how you were feeling from that point onwards. This really helped me, to write about what was going on in my life (and my head) throughout the different stages of H's affair, including the pre-affair build-up.

It might help you to write down all the things you remember happening - and feeling - over the past 2 years. What might surprise you however is that you might recall feeling bad for more than 2 years (yet again, you've only got their word for it that this affair is 2 years old) and it might strike you that in fact, the affair was going on for even longer.

Increasingly, I am finding that betrayed partners are unsighted about when the distancing by their spouses really started and the trouble is that nice, kind people tend to blame themselves for distancing, when in fact it was entirely a response behaviour to someone who had already formed an emotional attachment elsewhere. IIRC, your DP was only too ready to put the blame on to you and see you sink into depression, all the while he knew what was really causing you to feel so bad. I suspect he traded on the other bad things that had happened in your life and let you believe that this was why you were feeling so awful.

I also think that once you've done this - it will help you see just how much you have had your mental health messed with. There was far more than infidelity going on here, and in your shoes, that would make me very angry.

yes LC WWIFN is right ..... you have such a bad couple of years anyway in your family without even thinking about the affair but when this is put into the mix it is horrible to think that he would have been so thoughtless when you needed him most.

you are a kind person and clearly love your family so very much - this shines trough in your posts.

when i think back (even with my sketchy memory) and think back to what has happened since you have been posting on this thread

you and him went on your hols together with ds to try and sort it out
he comes over and is kissing your neck etc.

you are right - he is very weak indeed, and he is not worthy of the way you have handled this with such grace - i hope he was extremely thankful that you let him seek sanctuary in your house last night.

(i bet OW was spitting feathers)

Thank you for all the truly wonderful support. I agree so much about the timeline thing but it is very, very painful for me as I believe that the affair was full blown at least 2 years ago which would have coincided with me being the sole carer for my father who was dying of cancer. I shed a few tears yesterday and found myself sobbing for my daddy like a little girl. I've had to stop trying to build up a timeline of feelings and events because I don't feel strong enough to reopen my feelings about my dad at the moment. I will do it at some point though.

I had a major rant at xp last night. Then when I calmed down I stuck a little knife in by telling him that in my experience as a nurse and a moderately promiscuous teenager he had a very small penis, that he was good in bed [he is] but his penis was nonetheless quite small [it is]. I apologised for upsetting him this morning but said it was still true about his dick .

Anyway, more info today. Long story short: he never intended to finish the affair until he was caught out. He would have carried on with both of us for as long as possible. In the last 4 months he kept her hanging on just in case I wouldn't take him back. She was the fall back position because he doesn't like being alone. If that is true then I actually feel quite sorry for ow. Her mental health is seriously messed up. She was vulnerable long before the affair started. But she absolutely adored xp. She would have done anything for him, even give up her dd. She is apparently devastated and the stalking was because she cannot truly believe it is over until she hears it from him. She has convinced herself that I am controlling him. As if.

Anyway, I'm sorry this is all about me. I know there are a couple of newbies around but I hope you all understand that I'm not in a good place to try and support anyone right now. I just wanted to post to let you all know I'm ok and thank you for being there.

Gosh it is raining dumplings -and prize prat bahaviour from dumpees!

Getting - glad to see you back -and sorry about the financial surprise - but glad you can see the end in sight. Teas course does sound what the doctor ordered. I know what you mean about the colness -it is truly awful and draining and something good to leave behind.

Sov -grr for your XP wanting you to have more children and then leaving them. Grrr grr again actually

LC - so sorry this has all happened. Cant believe OW and H were outside your place - hope all calm now. XP has chosen someone like OW because he feels so bad about himself inside - had to choose someone low. I cant believe how low she is being prepared to leave 5 year old DD

Starting - glad Norm situation is better :)

City. It is so hard when you dont know why. If you think about it though you will drive your brain mad. Better to concentrate on you if you can. Often these men cant say why if you ask them as they are in such crisis, they just do what they can to cope. And often they see you in their old life -where they see the crisis coming from . SO they want to get away to a new world -and they see shiny OW as part of the new world -to which they want to escape. But none of it is logical -its all about them and their internal crisis - caused by their past and by their not dealing with their current life. (() its so hard I know

Pink I love your message as usual

WQ -in short internet man is the loser but better for him to run away now

Happy -Im sorry BE is moving away so far from the DCs. Its all about him - sigh....And yes Bonkersland is the summary of it all.

Maybee - hope you get some support here.

Rom and Karmann -hope we can get to meet you at some stage. Really helps

LC - He doesn't deserve you. His morals are as low as a sewer rat quite frankly.

"he never intended to finish the affair until he was caught out. He would have carried on with both of us for as long as possible. In the last 4 months he kept her hanging on just in case I wouldn't take him back. She was the fall back position because he doesn't like being alone" - Good God woman this man should be with someone else if he doesn't like being alone. My H led me a merry dance and hadn't really ended the affair and I finally got it out of him whilst he wriggled like a worm on the end of a hook.

I know he's a friend but I think he's gone too far with everything he has done and everything you have been through because of him. I really hope you end it for good with him, totally and completely. WWIFN will probably have far more to say with her excellent memory of your full story ((hugs))

LC - so sorry this has all happened. Cant believe OW and H were outside your place - hope all calm now. XP has chosen someone like OW because he feels so bad about himself inside - had to choose someone low.

well said mumfun.

Sorry,teaandcakeplease, what is MLC? Not familiar with acronyms etc. yet (but give me time - I've worked out the swear ones!).

Mlc is mid life crisis