Pfft it's almost a week on and you have some clarity. Although it is a week which I've no doubt you would never want to re-live, I suspect you'll look back on it and marvel at how much you learned, about your H, your marriage, your expectations and most importantly, yourself.
That process will be ongoing, but at this juncture I want to reaffirm how this all makes you stronger, not weaker.
You now have the strength to build a more egalitarian marriage. You have the wisdom to see that this didn't happen in a vaccuum and you have a better sense of your own boundaries in relation to porn, forum use and unsafe friendships. You know now that it is a sign of high self-esteem, not neediness or jealousy, to have those boundaries and to take heed of an inner voice of disquiet.
I expect you always accepted that good people do bad things, but you are able to see the difference between your H and the person who repeatedly hurts people, feels no regret for their actions and for whom infidelity is just another flaw in a litany of appalling actions.
If somebody had told you a fortnight ago that by today's date, you would have an offer on the table to have an egalitarian marriage where your opinion is valued equally and where there is mutual nurturing and care, where both of you are giving equally to the marriage, I expect you would have bitten their hand off.
That you have had to endure this terrible pain to get that offer, is a huge sadness, but in time, you might just see that this experience was an opportunity and not the dark threat it appeared to be last weekend.
I think of my experience as one of losses and gains, but I wouldn't be without those gains now and I am a very different person to the one I was two years ago. I have also learned so much about myself and no-one can take that away from me now. If that learning helps others too, how can I regret that?
This will be an ongoing journey Pfft and there will be stumbles along the way that we can all help you with. Keep posting and hopefully we will all keep those blinkers firmly on - and welcome the insightful and helpful contributions of those with a motive to help and support.