No ejaculations and runs off in the morning

[Thomcat]

That's the crux of the problem.

My bestest, oldest, dearest friend has started seeing a guy, 38 yrs old, and has so far enjoyed about a month of his company.

However there seems to be a few problems.

1. When he stays over, which is alot, every weekend so far and during the week, he wakes up & opens his eyes and within 15 minutes he's out of the door saying he'll be back in an hur or so, and he is, but why the running off.

2. They have had sex a fair amount. Possibly not quite as much as they could/should be having in the first heady days of a relationship, but an ok amount. He gets an erection but so far, in over a month, he hasn't come. She has, that's all fine, but he hasn't.

We know he likes a beer, probably a bit too much.
QUESTION: If he gets an erection but doesn't ejaculate is that a drink related problem, or not?
QUESTION: What else could be causing the lack of ejaculation?
FACT : He gets an erection but it's not like he's just such a stud he can go for hours and not come. I think, from what I know, he gets one but it doesn't last for that long.

I'm not sure what else to tell you, so ask away and I'll do my best to answer / find out.

Any ideas about this ejaculation thing and also any ideas about what she should do about his running off every morning for an hour? Is that related to the sex thing do you think, is he leaving before she gets a chance to get saucy with him?

Off to make Lottie lunch, be back to see if any of you wise women have any clues.

TC x

LOL - does he not smoke at all?

I am a smoker too (well off/on the waggon at the moment) but I positively STINK to my husband sometimes. Maybe after a heavy night on the fags he doesnt much want to kiss her in the morning?

Oh god, i hope that doesnt sound in ANY WAY nasty it really isnt supposed to.

I used to get very, very upset but sometimes he would say bloody hell R you stink - the ground could have swallowed me right up but I suppose to a non smoker, we do in fact stink a bit

Agree with pecker. Its a very difficult situation and really can only be solved by talking to him (as you know). IME a drink problem doesnt necessarily mean an alcoholic. Perhaps he is nervous about being in a relationship and its that thats making him want a drink, maybe he feels it helps him to relax so addressing the issue soon could put an end to it? I really dont know it could be anything but i would have thought if you've known him for years TC you'd know if he had a full on serious drink problem or would at least have some suspicions. This could just be the start of something. Or it might not be drink at all.

Personally i dont think just because he might have a problem you should walk away G. It all depends on how strongly you feel about him, whether you're prepared to get into a potentially stressful relationship to be with this guy or whether you'd rather wait for a more problem free guy to come along! Course it all depends on what this guys problem is.

Whatever happens i wish you good luck and i hope it all works out for you, and you're lucky to have a friend like tc cos you know she's gonna support you whatever decision you make

just started reading this and the guy could have ibs. Then he would spend an hour in the toilet, it would be worse if he was stressed and he might feel reluctant to tell someone new unless it put them off. Used to work with someone like that and he started work late beacuse he said it was worse first thing in the morning. Don't know if that would explain other problems, I didn't know him that well .

pesha, I lived with my xp for nine years and didn't realise he was an alcoholic until we split up, when at last I understood that his relationship with alcohol had been at the root of all our problems.

I lived with the guy and didn't know he had a drink problem. How on earth then, could our friends have known? There's no reason TC would know if any of her friends are alcoholics - it's a very difficult illness to recognise - particularly for those suffering from it. And we live in a culture which accepts it as normal and encourages denial of it - we use terms like drink problem, rather than alcoholic. But what's the difference? Alcoholics Anonymous, the experts in this area, don't recognise one.

Nobody who has a normal relationship with alcohol needs a drink first thing in the morning. This bloke does - it's a really ominous sign.

echo that Caligula - been there

i've known him for years but only really well early on when we went round in a group together and then I didn't see him for ages and then we'd see each other out at parties. I spke to his very good friend who is a good friend of mine too and she said 'yeah he does really like a drink but it's not that bad, he holds down a job', but he could still have a problem. There are different types and levels of drinking problems.
Anyway, I just hope it all gets sorted and that if which I suspect he does ned help, that he allows her to support him and be there and the 2 of them get through it together. If it's a case of he likes a drink, doesn't think he has a problem and is just having a bit of fun and is not really into having a serious girlfriend, well then I hope B that you get out unscathed. I know you don't want that to happen darling but the right man is out there for you sweet, maybe it's 'him' maybe it isn't. Whatever happens I'm one step behind you all the way, all the time, always. Love you. TC x

oh gawd

my friends little line is 'we'll laugh about this one day''...and shes always right

take care of yourself gooner
x

ps lol at the 'she smokes too much'...blokes!!

Yes but theres a difference between needs and likes to have one i think. It could just be very early stages of something which could develop into a serious problem but at the moment is just a choice he's making iyswim, not sure im explaining myself very clearly.

But i do understand a bit about alcoholics, i have lived with one and also with alcoholics in recovery. And i agree you may not always see the signs, especially if you're in a relationship with someone can often make it harder to see things objectively. I meant that there may be things she had not previously picked up on but that now might start to fall into place a little and from her last post that seems to be the case.

Sorry if my last post was unclear and think prob this one is too Bad night last night so not really on top form today! Maybe i should stop posting!

No, it's clear, see what you mean now. It's difficult to spot that point where making the choice becomes the inability not to have the choice. And this is where the awesome power of denial comes in, imo.

Agree with you on that caligula, and it is a very difficult illness to define and i think there is a stereo type of an alcoholic as someone who loses everything cannot cope think beggars and sleeping rough etc when in actual fact you can be an alcoholic and still hold down a job and live a relatively normal life. And i agree that the stereotype plays a big part in encouraging peoples denial.

Davros and Jim Jams!
I am a big girl now with alot of experience and believe me I would know if someone didn't fancy me and would save MYSELF the humiliation of letting unknowns tell me stuff like that.
I am not a talk/chat room regular at all but I was under the impression from TC that she had always received alot of support and good advice from ladies here. Lets keep that impression shall we?????

Calig. just to let you know I have now got the number of my local Al anon just incase I need to go down that route. Thank you
xx

Thanks for pointing that out Fio!!! LOL!
As far as i know nothing I've said has been "ripped to pieces" tbh, I was just trying to protect my best mate from a couple of slightly unhelpful comments really, knowing she was a bit sensitive, that's all. I think I was ok to do that wasn't I??? Anyway, 99.9% of all the posts have either been really funny or really helpful, which is why I posted this on a public forum.
Looks like the Gooneress is ok and sticking up for herself anyway. LOL, you ok G? xxx
Have a good day Fio

i'm cool. jus want it all sorted really so I can crack on with stuff!
G
x

Yeah, welcome to Mumsnet G!
It will be sorted, just a bit ick until you get the chance to talk to him properly.
Let's hope he'll be okay aye.

Have asked him to come over before he goes off to do stuff this evening as have totally fried my brain and everyones elses. Needs to be done sooner rather than later. Have taken on board all the sensible advice given here and will use it to the best of my ability.
Oh by the way Fio u posted this ' Not only is he having sexual problems but it has been broadcast amongst his friends and the internet aswell, must be nice for him' r u one of his friends because as far as I'm aware this has not been discussed amongst his friends. Is this what u mean by ripped to pieces?????

G - just smile sweetly and ignore babes. I think 99.7% of the posts have been funny or helpful, let's just focus on those aye and don't worry about other people thinking it's not nice or that he doesn't fancy you! Just and remeber what i told you
Phone me later then when you've spoken to him, or probably best to phone me in the morning actually, and good luck, I really hope this all turns out ok, for him, and if he needs help you are the girl to support him, and I'm the girl to support you. lots a love, TC x

Good luck babes hope you get it sorted. No offence meant.

??? wanders off scratching head in very confused fashion......

no, why?

Davros's view on it:
My view is he just doesn't fancy her and prefers drink/pooing.
And she echoed yr sentiments you said.
Its cool though you obviously didn't read the thread properly or else u wouldn't of come to that conclusion.

i echoed what sentiments? i am sorry but i havent a clue what you are talking about

Fio , the reason why I asked was u said it had been 'broadcast amongst his friends' His friends are not aware of this so why would u say it?

fio - I think when you said 'it has been broadcast amongst his friends' G wondered if you knew him, otherwise what did you mean by being broadcasted around his friends? I think she was a bit concerned for a minute and didn't understand why you'd think that.
HTH.

the echo bit was directed at JimJams, your posts crossed