No ejaculations and runs off in the morning

[Thomcat]

That's the crux of the problem.

My bestest, oldest, dearest friend has started seeing a guy, 38 yrs old, and has so far enjoyed about a month of his company.

However there seems to be a few problems.

1. When he stays over, which is alot, every weekend so far and during the week, he wakes up & opens his eyes and within 15 minutes he's out of the door saying he'll be back in an hur or so, and he is, but why the running off.

2. They have had sex a fair amount. Possibly not quite as much as they could/should be having in the first heady days of a relationship, but an ok amount. He gets an erection but so far, in over a month, he hasn't come. She has, that's all fine, but he hasn't.

We know he likes a beer, probably a bit too much.
QUESTION: If he gets an erection but doesn't ejaculate is that a drink related problem, or not?
QUESTION: What else could be causing the lack of ejaculation?
FACT : He gets an erection but it's not like he's just such a stud he can go for hours and not come. I think, from what I know, he gets one but it doesn't last for that long.

I'm not sure what else to tell you, so ask away and I'll do my best to answer / find out.

Any ideas about this ejaculation thing and also any ideas about what she should do about his running off every morning for an hour? Is that related to the sex thing do you think, is he leaving before she gets a chance to get saucy with him?

Off to make Lottie lunch, be back to see if any of you wise women have any clues.

TC x

Hi girls, checking in on behalf of Gooneress again. Sorry.

Umm, well i think she should have talked to him this weekend and I I also think he might not be around too much longer.

They got up on Sunday and before they went off for lunch he popped out to buy a drink and a snack as there was nothing in the house and he needed something before they went out. He actually said to her when he said he was poping out to get a drink, 'Not a drink, drink'. So he still sort of ran off again. Not sure how long he was gone. Think that might have been an avoidance more than anything else. He was very drunk on saturday night when they went out btw.

Then they went out to lunch, he had 1 beer and then came back to hers, fell asleep all afternoon and into the evening, woke up and said he had to go home as he had no clean shirt for the morning.

She's coming to mine for dinner tonight and she was quite teary this morning.

I think she must speak to him and have all this, and more. out with him And if he doesn't pull his socks up this is a non starter. But like I say, she's a bit teary, another bloke lets her down, or so she's feeling, again so .... i'll let you know any outcome, but bear with her.

Lots a love - TC x

Not looking good is it.

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i'll log on for her at mine tonight. She shares a PC with her boss so can't really check in herself during the day unless he goes out and can't log on at home either.

No it's not looking great. He's treating her more like a mate then a girlfriend. Not even a kiss and a cuddle this weekend by the sounds of it. That's not right. And she's feeling all upswet becasue she just wants to find a nice bloke that's going to love her and they can be happy together and t just keeps not happening.
Sorry B (gooneress) I feel all disloyal discussing you like this and know you'll see this for yourself.

Can I just take the opportunity to say 'sorry mate, I know it's all crap, and I know I keep saying it'll all be ok in the end, but it really will baby girl, it really will. Love you so much', TC x

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oh dear sorry to hear this, doesnt sound great x E

sorry this isn't the outcome any of us wanted for her

ohhhhhhh men! why do they have to make life so hard......(((((gooneress)))))

She's not just a friend she's my bestest, oldest friend and when she hurts I hurt, literally.
I feel gutted that yet again she's not met a man who is doing the right thing. i don't get it.
Even if she gets to the bottom of his runing off, they are in the early days of a relationship and yet there was no sex this weekend, and she's in tears on the phone to me this morning, no, No, NO.
I feel worn out for her so God knows how she herself is feeling. Why does it take some people so long to find the right man? It's not fair, i want her to be happy so much.
Sorry B, hope this isn't oo weird for you.

B (sorry can't get my head round calling you Gooneress!) This - (((((gooneress))))) means you just a big hug off someone.

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i am not wanting to stick up for him and i know his behaviour is odd, but i cant help feeling that he might be just incredibly shy and nervous

agree fio- or maybe he just doesn;t want to go out with her but doesn't know how to tell her?

I have been out with 2 men in the past who had similar problems - one wasn't able to come while having intercourse and the other could but didn't really want sex that much (even right at the start of the relationship). Both men had issues with emotional intimacy and both relationships ended in heartbreak (mine). I think your friend should get out now before she gets any more involved bless her.

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This man must be binned. He is NEVER going to be the kind of man that any sane woman would want.
I think for me, when I decided that I needed to get married and have a baby NOW I met my dh very quickly afterwards. It sort of focussed me on the kind of relationship I wanted, so the kind of man I needed to fit that role was a lot more obvious after that. If all your instincts are screaming NO! and you are sad then it's best to bin it now. So sorry.

aloha was it really that simple? I kind of see what you mean, and have heard similar from other people, but it does sound a bit brusque and businesslike! also, how can gooneress find a supply of the right kind of man from which to choose for marriage and breeding AND lurve? agree with overall verdict though (can I just do a quick hijack to tell you party ran OK in order suggested but was Gruelling!)

Oh, sorry to hear that it really isn't getting solved.

TC - if this man is someone you have known a long time, can you discreetly ask him some q's like 'hows it going' and see if you can gain anything - with Goons' permission, of course?

But whatever is going on, it doesn't sound as if it is making poor G happy now, let alone in a year's time.

Sorry it's working out like this, G.
XXX

Sorry it's bad news.

But I'm with Aloha - this guy really is bad news. He may be nice as a person and nice as a friend, but he has a drink problem. And anyone with a drink problem is never going to be a partner. And if gooneress wants a partner, she's looking in the wrong place with this guy. He's just not going to be able to function in a grown-up relationship while the primary relationship of his life is with booze. Sorry to sound so hardline about it, but it is just terribly misguided to make excuses for people's drinking. Someone who prioritises having a drink above relaxing with a new girlfriend first thing in the morning, is someone who will continue to prioritise his relationship with booze above her. If it was another woman, she wouldn't make excuses for it, would she?

I'm about to pass this over to her, but let me tell you now, it's not that he's a nasty bloke, he's not, not at all, and it's not that he doesn't want to be with her, he seems really into her, he's just not had a relationship with a proper girlfired in, well ever really. yes, alarm belss at that fact alone, but it needn't be a problem in isolation. The drinking thing however is another matter.

I once had a boyfriend who had a drink problem - obviously I had no idea at the beginning and luckily for me the only fall-out was a lack of interest in sex and me feeling increasingly unloved and unwanted (other than the obvious side-effects of him being paralytic a lot - but he just used to go to sleep). I pretty soon told him that it was over whereupon he said "But I love you, you mean so much to me" etc etc. By then it was too little too late but in that case, drink clearly took away his ability or desire to show love and lust like most other blokes. Please tell your friend that we're all thinking of her.

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