No ejaculations and runs off in the morning

[Thomcat]

That's the crux of the problem.

My bestest, oldest, dearest friend has started seeing a guy, 38 yrs old, and has so far enjoyed about a month of his company.

However there seems to be a few problems.

1. When he stays over, which is alot, every weekend so far and during the week, he wakes up & opens his eyes and within 15 minutes he's out of the door saying he'll be back in an hur or so, and he is, but why the running off.

2. They have had sex a fair amount. Possibly not quite as much as they could/should be having in the first heady days of a relationship, but an ok amount. He gets an erection but so far, in over a month, he hasn't come. She has, that's all fine, but he hasn't.

We know he likes a beer, probably a bit too much.
QUESTION: If he gets an erection but doesn't ejaculate is that a drink related problem, or not?
QUESTION: What else could be causing the lack of ejaculation?
FACT : He gets an erection but it's not like he's just such a stud he can go for hours and not come. I think, from what I know, he gets one but it doesn't last for that long.

I'm not sure what else to tell you, so ask away and I'll do my best to answer / find out.

Any ideas about this ejaculation thing and also any ideas about what she should do about his running off every morning for an hour? Is that related to the sex thing do you think, is he leaving before she gets a chance to get saucy with him?

Off to make Lottie lunch, be back to see if any of you wise women have any clues.

TC x

i didnt know they hadnt. i thought you had told all your friends not just TC, plus sometimes I feel uncomfortable that he might have a real problem, health or otherwise that is causing this problems and I actually thought some people were a bit harsh on him. I also, if it were me would feel a little humiliated that my sexual performance, or lack of ejaculation had been broadcast on the internet. thats all i wasnt being bitchy or sinister, i was just putting accross my opinion. As I have said before i hope you both sort it out.

and I dont think i know him and if i did i wouldnt mention anything anyway!

Fio, I was refering to Jim Jams comment about agreeing with Davros not you. apologies I must make myself clearer when replying to peoples comments.

look please dont take offence to anything i have written, i have enough problems of mine without getting into arguments or misunderstanding with people on here

Gooneress has only told me about this and we decided to ask mumsnet if they knew of a reason why he could have sex but couldn't climax as we couldn't work out why. I don't think he could be humiliated as incredibly unlikey he'll ever know a) that we discusse it and b) none of you on MN know who 'we' are so...

well I did say in my post that I hadn't read the whole thread. Also didn't realise that TC's friend was reading it. But whatever. It was a suggestion based on my experience (both as the rejected and the rejector come to think of it). It wasn't meant to be some hugely hurtful comment.

G only wants to help him, and hopefully continue in her relationship, she really cares about him, and I care about them both. Neither of us have ever wanted anything other than clues as to why it might have been happening to him and some advice etc.

it's nothing but good vibes from where me and G are sitting. {smile]'s all round, it'as all good.

(grin)
G
x

Don't see why my and Jimjam's suggestion is any less acceptable than the others???? Just because its not flattering, you'd rather he was an alcoholic than might have got into a situation he's not ready for?

PMSL, yes of course Davros, we'd both much rather him be an alcoholic, oh so much more preferable, LOL! Dear oh dear, oh dear, what are you talking about now? It's not that your suggestion that he didn't fancy her isn't flattering, it's just not a possibility! We both know how he is with her, what he says, how often he phones her and so on, so it was an option that could be ruled out immediaitley. I'm not saying he wants to marry her, I'm not sure about that, but he does fancy her.
Anyway, where we we G?

What am I talking about now as opposed to when? I may well be totally wrong but it still seems a (remote) possibility as no-one so far seems to know the truth......

Hope this is not going to cause further offence, but you have said that he has never had a proper relationship with a woman up to now, he must be in his 30s/40s (or am I wrong?) Could it be that he is confused about his sexuality ie is he gay/bisexual? This could be in addition to the drink problem (although this can cause an inability to finish the job, based on prior experience!)

I went out with someone that I didn't fancy for a year once (he was the rejected- luckily the rejecting didn't last that long- only a few weeks!) I talked a good game though during that year, just had a lot of headaches or something- so its certainly a possibility, even if remote. That was party what made me suggest it in the first place- just thinking out loud about things that it could be based on my experiences.

(actualy have horrible horrible feeling am going to bump into said person next week- after 10 years- finished on a bad note- only one to have ever finsihed on a bad note, but I digress, I will be wearing a wig).

But anyway obviously have no idea about this situation and as my suggestion is wrong won;'t mention it again- just explaining why it had been made.

I don't think so Caroline.He's had women, just no long term relationships, but hey that doesn't mean he isn't gay. I think it's more a commitment problem tbh. I mean hey, who knows but it seems v unlikely. He might be but he's doing a very good act of being very, very into her. He chased her for a while and was hopeful something would happen but she was in a relationship when they 1st met. He's all over her, verbally and physically, it's just the climax thing and the leaving within 15 mins of being awake, but coming back soon after, it's an odd one. I think he's there with her now, or that was the plan, and she said she was going to speak to him, so maybe it'll become clear very soon.

JimJams - i have to ask - why will you be wearing a wig?
Disguise, or do yu normally wear a wig when you go out?????

oh no disguise from bloke I went out with for a year but didn't fancy who I haven't seen for 10 years, but finished acrimoniously (which is unusual for me).

Perhaps a hat would do the trick?

Jimjams,

If you didn't fancy this bloke, why on earth did you go out with him for a year!!

Gooneress/TC can I just say something about looking for someone to love you. Don't.
I spent many years in my late 20s-early 30s looking for someone to love me, and was disappointed over and over again. Eventually, I packed it in, bought myself a house, concentrated on building my career, taking myself to the theatre, off for weekends to exotic places etc. After a few months Mr Right appeared. He had to work bloody hard to convince me he was the genuine article, but he did in the end, and we've been married 13 years now. I'm convinced that it doesn't happen if you're actively looking.

I hope you find out what is going on with your man, but it doesn't sound to me like he's the 'one' for you.

A mistake Easy. It was the only time of my life when I've been lonely (so Chandra knows where I was ) and I liked him- as a friend- just didn't fancy him, but thought I could make myself iyswim. That's why it was a big mistake- because we would probably have stayed friends (and ironically we've ended up living in the same city). As it was. when I finished with him (after visiting friends and regaining some confidence/identity in a weekend!) he became very abusive so it kind of went kaput. I started going out with dh about 6 weeks later- he found out and dh got a load of abuse so its irretrievable.

I'm nost sure I realised myself how little I fancied him- I just avoided that side of things as much as possible.

Hi Easy, how are you?
Thanks for your post, although you don't have to worry about me on this one!
I'm sure G will appreciate what you are saying, and know what you mean. I guess though when you'd really like to settle down with someone and somebody comes along that seems right it, it must be hard not to hope it's all going to end happily.

So? Did she ask him last night?

Sorry this thread has gone a bit pear-shaped as it was hilarious at first. But I guess it was never really that funny for you G.

Hope you found out and that you can sort things out with him. My dp had a few erection problems when we first got together and he had to take Cialis (like Viagra) but it really worked and he only takes it occasionally now (we are OLD!!). But we were luckily able to talk about it from the beginning but even then it wasn't always easy to say the right thing! Men are sensitive on these issues!

Keep us posted anyway. Good luck!

No you are right, the problems have never been that funny for me L/m but some of the posts really did make me laugh.
No I didn't ask him last night. He only popped round for a bit before going to meet the guys so the last thing I was gonna do was bring up these issues when he was off somewhere else. We are meeting with friends this evening for supper but I have a feeling our friends may blow it out so maybe later. It will get sorted but as its such a sensitive topic (u know how men are about their manhood!) the timing HAS to be right.
G
xx

i just wanna know where he disapears to, i dont think the two issues are linked, does he just go for a shower and some clean clothes? if hes anything like me i cant stand not brushing my teeth in the mornings.......any more clues?

He goes home. But is he going home to have a drink? My other concern is that he leaves because he is embarressed about the fact that he is not having orgasms due too much drink so to avoid the situation he gets up and leaves early??????

Sorry i should of pointed out that when we have sex its usually in the morning.