Well MOSP made me grin with the bath comment - that's got to be a plus. Hope you're okay :)
You've all been fab. Sorry I got snappy with people earlier - I know that it'd seem a bit like a mountain out of a molehill if you were okay with porn & don't know the backstory, which of course there's no reason why anybody would. I hope you can understand that I was posting whilst whirlwinding around my flat trying to remember everything.
I'm still in shock, to be honest. I can very easily get upset about it, obviously (& I definitely had a moment earlier!) but my default emotion at the moment is relief, I think. I didn't expect that, but whoever said about closing the door behind me was mostly right - at that point I was laden down with bags, a suitcase, a pushchair & DS to get into the taxi, so it wasn't a magical moment, but I feel so much better now. I know there are still hard times to come, but right now I know that I've made the right decision & I need to cling to that knowledge.
Not that H is doing much to persuade me of anything. He has eventually said 'sorry', but I'm not too convinced. He didn't come home from work to beg me to stay - he didn't even beg me to stay remotely. He pretty much just said 'fair cop' & that's that. I suppose it makes it easier, and it just proves how far down the line we were without me fully realising.
He's moving out on Saturday. Luckily his friends from university (he is on a work placement year, they are continuing academically) are moving back at the weekend & have a spare room which their landlord is happy to have filled. So I can go 'home' on Sunday, I suppose. But I don't want to live there anymore. It's a nice enough flat, but if I can live elsewhere than I would like to. I don't want to live where I've been miserable for 2 years. I want to start afresh. So I'm about to start having a nose on the internet to see what sort of things I could be looking at.
I'll also read through this thread properly tomorrow (my head is spinning & I'm really tired, but don't think I can sleep yet) and take in all of the advice, support & wisdom you lovely, strong women have offered me today. Thank you. Without you it would've taken me so much longer to get to this point, and it is definitely the right thing for DS & me.