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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help me leave H right now.

195 replies

RespectTheDoughnut · 08/09/2010 12:08

I tried yet a-fucking-gain & now there's more porn. I need to get out of here now, before he gets home from work. DS is asleep. What do I need to pack? I'll go to my parents' until he finds somewhere new to live. Help me sort out the practical things please. Sorry I didn't listen to you all before. Total waste of my time & everyone else's.

OP posts:
RespectTheDoughnut · 08/09/2010 14:47

I'm on the train. Sheffield - Birmingham, so it's direct at least. Thank you for the offers of help as well as the support. So lovely of you all. I have my laptop, etc so can update later. DS is sleeping. I love him so much.

OP posts:
Madascheese · 08/09/2010 14:51

Good for you.

Seriously the offer stands, I've been there and sometimes it can help to have someone relatively unaffected to offload to.

Keep a good eye on that boy of yours, he will provide delight and joy for you if you let him. Littlemad's grin and giggle provided a good deal of sunshine on some dark days for me.

AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 14:53

Respect to you, RTD

No man should be able to make you feel as bad as he has. All the very best of luck to you.

I am in Manchester and mobile if you need any practical help in this neck of the woods x

GypsyMoth · 08/09/2010 14:56

oh good for you,been reading the thread,not posted before as others are better at getting points across than me!

but i've been there....i left with 4dc after my ex behaved very badly.....he also messed up my degree course for me.....but i survived,through the other side now....

you will too! good luck

CinnabarRed · 08/09/2010 14:57

Great news. Please let us know if there's anything - anything - we can do to help.

swallowedAfly · 08/09/2010 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

perfumedlife · 08/09/2010 15:32

Glad you are on the way to Dads Respect, he will love you and care for you both while you get your head sorted.

Sounds like he left you with no choice. What a sad waster, all for plastic tv sex.

IseeGraceAhead · 08/09/2010 16:13

Oh, brilliant, RTD :) Well done. It might all look a bit scary from here, but I bet it's looking brighter already! xx

ChippingIn · 08/09/2010 16:16

Great. Please don't let him talk you around this time! You have done the hardest thing - stay strong!!

I hope your Mum & Dad are just as I am picturing them, full of love and cuddles for you both when you get there and able to give you a lot of support to get things sorted out x

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 08/09/2010 16:16

Glad you are safe on your way Smile

AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 18:01

rtd...keep us posted love

AnxiousLand · 08/09/2010 18:09

wow i am a newbie here - these forum are soooo fecking fab!!!

i'm in birmingham too x

colditz · 08/09/2010 18:45

Keep us updated, I'd be happier knowing you're safe.

Flisspaps · 08/09/2010 19:50

Well done RTD

MOSP · 08/09/2010 20:03

Just spotted this thread. Well done RTD.
Hope you can mumsnet in the bath where you're going :)

Guimauve · 08/09/2010 20:11

Well done for getting out RTD. If there's anything I can do...

scratchmyback · 08/09/2010 20:31

Well done RTD and how brave of you.

Now will be the start of the rest of your life. Let us know if we can help in anyway.

BigBadMummy · 08/09/2010 21:10

Well done for being so strong

Just another word of advice. Tell your landlord / letting agent ASAP. Joint tenancy means joint debt and if the rent is not paid and it goes to court you are still liable for the debt. Even moving out will not avert that, your ex will need to be re-referenced and start a new tenancy. It might be worth serving Notice to leave as soon as possible to minimize that debt.

Do get advice on it! Or message me and I will helpmyou, it's what I do for a living so happy to help as much as I can

Good luck

RespectTheDoughnut · 08/09/2010 21:21

Well MOSP made me grin with the bath comment - that's got to be a plus. Hope you're okay :)

You've all been fab. Sorry I got snappy with people earlier - I know that it'd seem a bit like a mountain out of a molehill if you were okay with porn & don't know the backstory, which of course there's no reason why anybody would. I hope you can understand that I was posting whilst whirlwinding around my flat trying to remember everything.

I'm still in shock, to be honest. I can very easily get upset about it, obviously (& I definitely had a moment earlier!) but my default emotion at the moment is relief, I think. I didn't expect that, but whoever said about closing the door behind me was mostly right - at that point I was laden down with bags, a suitcase, a pushchair & DS to get into the taxi, so it wasn't a magical moment, but I feel so much better now. I know there are still hard times to come, but right now I know that I've made the right decision & I need to cling to that knowledge.

Not that H is doing much to persuade me of anything. He has eventually said 'sorry', but I'm not too convinced. He didn't come home from work to beg me to stay - he didn't even beg me to stay remotely. He pretty much just said 'fair cop' & that's that. I suppose it makes it easier, and it just proves how far down the line we were without me fully realising.

He's moving out on Saturday. Luckily his friends from university (he is on a work placement year, they are continuing academically) are moving back at the weekend & have a spare room which their landlord is happy to have filled. So I can go 'home' on Sunday, I suppose. But I don't want to live there anymore. It's a nice enough flat, but if I can live elsewhere than I would like to. I don't want to live where I've been miserable for 2 years. I want to start afresh. So I'm about to start having a nose on the internet to see what sort of things I could be looking at.

I'll also read through this thread properly tomorrow (my head is spinning & I'm really tired, but don't think I can sleep yet) and take in all of the advice, support & wisdom you lovely, strong women have offered me today. Thank you. Without you it would've taken me so much longer to get to this point, and it is definitely the right thing for DS & me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 21:26

oh, rtd, I applaud you for doing what you think is best for yourself and your DS

look after yourself x

RespectTheDoughnut · 08/09/2010 21:28

Thank you AF. Your kindness has meant a lot to me over the many months it's taken to get here :)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 21:31

you sound lovely and you deserve to feel secure and happy in yourself

AnxiousLand · 08/09/2010 21:34

RESPECT GAL!!!!

FEEL THE EMOTIONS LET IT OUT

XXX

AnyFucker · 08/09/2010 21:35

err, yes, what AL said too Grin

RespectTheDoughnut · 08/09/2010 21:42

AL, you're quirky Grin In a good way, I hasten to add! I'm just so tired. My head feels like custard. Like it's so full of thoughts that they're all merging into one mass of nonsense. DS is wonderful, though. & thrilled to be with my parents, so that's not a problem at all :)

I'm scared about when I start having to work through all of the emotional stuff though. I don't want it to hurt. Needs must, eh?

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