Help me leave H right now.

[RespectTheDoughnut]

I tried yet a-fucking-gain & now there's more porn. I need to get out of here now, before he gets home from work. DS is asleep. What do I need to pack? I'll go to my parents' until he finds somewhere new to live. Help me sort out the practical things please. Sorry I didn't listen to you all before. Total waste of my time & everyone else's.

Make sure you take everything that's of sentimental value to you.

Not for today, but when you get to your parents - sort out a mail divert with the Post Office so your post goes to your parents

Oh for fuck's sake.

It's not even so much the nature of the porn but the fact that it has been made clear on several occasions that it's a deal breaker. But if you want something 'serious' to justify my actions, then some of it is rape porn. I am a rape victim. I find this deeply unacceptable. I hope that's allowed

Never mind the fact that it has infiltrated every other aspect of my life, as you'd see if you read.

OOps sorry iognore my stuopid comments lol

My ex used massage parlours and i stayed with him for years afterwards. I discoverd he was still using them after we split up.
I SHOULD HAVE LEFT HIM
IF I COULD TURN BACK TIME
You will do what is right for you in the end but i suspect if you go back to him you will seriously regret it.
Build your own lofe from your parent shouse. Go to college etc if you need to.
Start bring independent now.
it will be lonely and hell getting over him but you will be sooooooo gald you did.

LEAVE THE SELFISH AWKWARD, UNDESERVING OF YOU

PIECE OF CRAP

Don't know the history here but whatever it is you obviously feel you need to leave this man and take your son away from his dad - to come to this decision you must have your reasons and already gone through a lot of hurt - it also must've taken a lot of courage so nobody should be making comments that it's OTT.

Ok, what about money - is it in joint account? Have you any of your own? Sort the money out - he could empty the account leaving you with none so make sure you have enough to live on.

Passports, birth certificates, laptop, bank statements, bank cards etc - make sure they are all packed.

Yes get the money too!! xx
good luck and i envy your new start in life

xxx

There isnt a man alive worth feeling this bad for. Good for you Respect, get out of there and give him a taste of wall to wall porn and no family, no love.

God, I hate how people downplay how harmful this stuff can be. It gives warped ideas of women as sexmad pneumatic bombshells and totally disrespects you as his son's mother.

Keep strong Respect, get as much packed as you can carry and phone the trainline. No man is worth this.

You will have to tell Tax credit people you have split cos if not you will end up paying them. So get the forms for the phone number.

Bank statements so you can get new cards or change pin if ex knows them.

Birth certs for you both and passports.

Phone number for child benefit if it is paid in joint bank account you need to transfer it in to yours.

Also if you have joint bank account take your name off it so he cant get you in to debt.

I'm fascinated by the fact that when someone posts with what they see as a fairly minor problem, there are hordes of MNers ready to scream 'you're being abused! LEAVE HIM LEAVE HIM', yet when someone posts that they are leaving based on sound and sad reasons, people pop up to undermine their decision.

RespectTheDoughnut, I hope you have a smooth and painless transition today. You sound very unruffled and strong, which is good. FWIW I remember your situation and I think you are doing the right thing for all of you.

Although since that massive x-posting I now see that everyone is being v reasonable, so I'll leave it there

order a taxi to bank or cash point
JUST TAKE PERSONAL DOCS, CLOTHES, KEYS, BANK STATEMENTS

JUST THROW IN BIN BAGS

YOU CAN BUY SMALL THINGS YOU NEED AND TAKE THE POLICE WITH YOU TO GO BACK AND COLLECT MORE STUFF

Don't forget your purse, keys and bank account details.

Medical cards if you have them handy.

If you have one file with important documents in take it.

Try not too worry about 'stuff'

If you joint own the house, speak to the land registry about protecting yourself.

Take your favourite book.

Buy some rescue remedy on the way.

Take your pride with you lovely lady you're being very strong. Keep your chin up, you can do this and you'll be OK.

Clothes and wash stuff for you both
Nappies
Some personal things that will make your DS feel more "normal" - teddy, games, books he likes
Bank details, passports, birth certificates
Any cash you have (in case your dad can't come and get you)
Phone and charger

Anything else you need, you can get from shops near your parents.

Good luck, and have an un-MN hug from me. x

Plenty of good advice here Doughnut - Good luck today.

RespectTheDoughnut I am very impressed that you have found the courage to leave him. Well done x

You might have gone already, but if you haven't, are you sure he couldn't stay with a work colleague or at a hostel/B&B or something?

If you are going to go, do you have anyone who could come and get a car full of stuff to store for you and keep safe? I'm not sure I'd trust him not to trash it all or put it out in the rain or something stupid.

I don't have any advice really, but as soon as you close the door behind you, you will instantly feel better! Good Luck!

Where do you live, Respect, and where do you want to get to? I wonder if there are any MNetters who could give you a lift. (of course, feel free not to answer if you don't want to).

Good point Cinnabar - would be happy to help am in Derbyshire with a car if it's any use

I'm in Buckinghamshire with a car. Again, would be delighted to help.

and you can use princesstippietoes at gmail if you don't want to post something here about your location, am around til about 3 then back about 3.30 if you need anything.

In west of Scotland with a car

Just go, if you stay he'll talk you round again, and make you feel guilty!!
Take the neccessities, the rest is just stuff!
Good luck :)
PS Am in Cardiff with a car if you need a hand!

Make sure your name is taken off any utility bills so you are not liable for them.
Good luck for the future

All legal docs etc that you can find. Especially important, things like birth certificates, passports, red book, etc.

Utility bill or two in your name. Preferably one from each utility in case you forget who you are with. (I couldn't remember whether we were with British Gas or Eon when it came to cancelling my part of the contract)

Bank statements. Building society books. Child Trust Fund etc details. Bank cards. Get some cash as soon as you can too. Mobile phone. (Switch it off and use phone boxes though or go to a newsagent and buy a cheap sim card on the same network to call your parents). Whatever you do, don't answer if he calls. It's going to be a shock for him but it's not going to harm him to be away from his DS for a night, as that's probably the first guilt trip he will roll out. You can talk to him about DS in the morning. If you can get your parents to call him tonight on your behalf so much the better.

Any computer/laptop which is yours if it has stuff on it and you can carry it. (Don't forget the charger) If not, WIPE YOUR INTERNET HISTORY BEFORE YOU GO. Download a little program called "CCleaner" and install it (takes seconds) then tick every little box on it and run the scan. It won't delete any documents or programs, but will delete history, lists of recent files accessed, saved passwords, etc. If you can't carry the computer but you want it, open up the case with a screwdriver and just take the hard drive. Should be a little box slightly smaller and thicker than a DVD case.

DS's favourite toy/comforter if he has one. Some of his books for the journey and to keep familiar. The pillowcase off your bed (will smell of you) and the sheet from his cot (again will smell familiar) Any small sentimental things you can carry (memory card from your camera?) if you don't think he will let you come back for them. Don't worry about toiletries, nappies, milk etc - take enough for the journey, you can buy more when you get there.

If you have more than one buggy take the one you can fit the most stuff on to carry. If you have a sling or backpack carrier even better - carry him in the sling and put the stuff in a big carrier in the buggy. Make sure you can carry/drag this bag if DS gets too heavy to be carried or he wants to sleep in buggy.

If you are stuck for somewhere to go, don't hesitate to call women's aid. (0808 2000 247) They can put you up for a night, he doesn't have to have hit you.

Good luck. I think you are so brave. (Even if you don't feel it!) I'm sorry people have been discouraging on this thread. If you're thinking of leaving I don't see how that can be OTT - nobody gets to that decision overnight.