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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

1000 replies

startingovernow · 27/08/2010 00:32

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. Shock Sad Angry Hmm Shock Sad Angry...........

OP posts:
startingovernow · 29/08/2010 23:11

On a really sad note, heard ds talking to 3yr old neighbour today & he was telling her "daddy got v cross with his big sis & the police had to come to give him a time out or he'd go to jail. He took the time out but we don't see him anymore.........." Sad Sad. Little girl had no idea what he was talking about & just continued to play, god love my poor ds!

OP posts:
ChairmumSupermum · 30/08/2010 03:12

Hello fellow dumplings,

Wide awake again at feed time - I'm not bothered by anything at the moment, just feeling wide awake as Anya has started doing about 4 hours for her first stretch and that's a long sleep for me these days so I wake feeling refreshed for a while!

Things are going well here. Took DS to the cinema on my own (with DD) yesterday as the weather was horrible in the morning. He loves to sit in the dark so it was quite relaxing other than the woman that came up to me and started trying to advise me on Gina Ford. Grrr! Off bowling with a friend tomorrow.

H and I would normally do a family thing on the bank holiday but he's moving his office tomorrow hence the outing with the friend. Still, he booked us tickets to a Thomas the Tank day at a Railway centre (DS is Thomas obsessed) in October, which should be lovely :)

Armbow - I completely know what you mean about the friend stuff, and how comforting it is to be able to retain some sense of normality. I would definitely advise setting yourself some boundaries at this point though. I know that although I spend a lot of time with H and we are very friendly, there's a line now. I do still love him, but as I have said before its like some strange nameless family member, not as a husband (although of course there are times when I could quite go for a hug - or more - just from the familiarity). What that means for me is that he can't push my buttons in the same way as he managed to before. Of course we know each other well and have nearly 12 years of ammunition to use to make the winding up easier, I just manage not to bite now. If he can still make you bite, or if it hurts to spend time around him, then I think you need to rethink things for your own sake.

Pink - so sorry to hear about those dreams. I often get that sort of dream about my family. In my case I'm screaming at them trying to explain stuff about how I feel but as normal they're not listening and I wake up feeling so frustrated and upset. These days thankfully they only seem to happen if I forget to take my anti-depressants! Hugs coming your way though. Remembering how you were when we had the last meet up, I would say it sounds like you do have some sort of addiction to your X. Have you had counselling? (can't remember sorry) It definitely seems as though it might help you.

All this match action sounds very exciting. I have signed up and get a few views but my profile isn't very interesting as I realised I'm not actually ready to move on just yet - I don't think anyone wants to go on a date with someone who has 99% of her thoughts about her children ;) Do you match people pay? Is definitely more than I can afford just to look at people or even to chat, but certain things just bring up a page asking me to subscribe. All this has made me think that I need to revive some of my old interests to give me something away from my kids in the long run. I used to love watching formula one, (or any motor racing live), and if I could leave Anya for a while I'd really like to do a part time course (I'm thinking Italian, just for a couple of hours a week, but I think it will have to wait until next September)

Tea - big hugs from me. Take a while for a wallow if that's what you need, and don't feel guilty about it. I think that repressing these feelings is as bad as dwelling on them for too long. We need time to let ourselves feel them before we can let them go or put them aside!

LC - I hope you're still lurking there, and we're here if you need us!

Waves to everyone else. Better get back to sleep now!

teaandcakeplease · 30/08/2010 09:36

I find it astonishing that a complete stranger tried to advise to you Chairmum, it was obviously not your first child anyway and I think it's a major faux pas to do that. I only advise a friend if they ask with baby stuff generally. Hope you managed to rebuff her politely Wink I'm not a fan of Gina Ford however I know people who swear by her. Anya sounds such a sweety. Glad things are going well.

Off to my mums for the day, see you tonight dumplings x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 13:33

Having a good morning sun is shining and just managed to ger thru to letting agent she is phoning back re viewing of little house ,available oct so would be great also found a pack of frozen mars bars in the freezer , only managed to eat 2 so far as ice is slowing me down.Pink wish i was closer to you then we could have a fabulosity weekend together ,its all about these paths ,just think of him as a bad habit now... the worst like heroin you dont need it anymore you have so much going on in your life that is beautiful x,he is so not worth it and you need to stop replaying the pain in your head as you are re energising the negative emotion ,i really need to see you Pink so promise you will come to Scotland one day....This too will pass x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 13:39

Startin' hope this morning went well for u and dcs x

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 14:37

Hi all - cat safely recovering although my wallet is not
Sunny day today so trying to regain some serenity.
Patience, really hope that house is right for you. You have come so far and I know that settling down somewhere that feels right will really help.
Hard to believe that school is starting again.
Waves to all be back later x

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 14:59

So glad cat is doin ok Happy SmileCan we have a party nite soon ?

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 15:36

We certainly can.
Hmm how is Thursday looking?

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 15:38

Need a theme

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 15:44

I'm cool for Thursday after 9PM ,Mmm what kinda theme were you thinking of ,how about a high school party LOL we have to play what we were listening to when we were bopping at school dances and we had posters of bands on our walls ?

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 15:50

Does anyone use a semi permanent on their hair ,is it damaging does it just shine you up a bit and take away any grey hair ,have booked one for oct when i go back to get hair cut,started taking multi vits ,hairdresser says first thing to lose condition under stress is your hair !

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 17:24

Well let's pencil 9 on Thursday then

High School it is - DJ Happy High School

So this pm I have - had slight tiff with BE on phone - been a bigger person and actually called him to rectify issue and get out of feeling bullied (practical and emotional step), bought skirt (after we had tiff to cheer me up - practical and emotional step).

Now playing music to create emotional well-being.

Skirt will be great for DJHappy night x

Waves to all

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 17:34

Oops, forgot to say Patience that I am not sure on semi permanent. I have hairdresser come to house and have highlights. Single colour doesn't work for me cos of my hair colour. But you should try it - or try to get good priced hairdresser to do cheaply as poss.

Skirt doesn't look good here but is nice honest - I like Desigual [ www.houseoffraser.co.uk/Desigual+Skirt+comunicando/142385829,default,pd.html skirt]

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 17:45

Wee Tune to dance to when making the tea glad you have got survival plan Happy i only text mine now have totally cut the cord and it feels fabulous x

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 17:56

Patience I have only been texting mine also but he went to my house when I was out without agreement so had to talk with him about it. He was ok on the phone in the end so hoping he will be respectful going forward. He seemed genuinely ok to not do it again so fingers crossed

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 18:24

WTF Happy ?After initial shock of me moving house etc i am really glad i am doin the whole fresh start bit,in a way it will be a gift not to have him in my house or any of his stuff in my house ,this weekend has been a bit of an advancement for me ,just emailing someone new has given me a bit of a boost re life after X.Just a bit of fun ,but nice not to have to sit here and wait for X to choose what he wants ROFL ,wot a fecking joke ,I'LL DECIDE FOR YOU....SEE YA WOULDN'T WANT TO BE YA!... YOU TWAT LOL!!!!!

gettingeasier · 30/08/2010 19:05

Hi there everyone !

Happy glad your cat is ok and I love Desigual stuff only discovered it very recently.

Patience you sound so positive and together now , I really hope this new place comes off. I have been having semi permanent for years and it doesnt appear to have done any harm but is meant to be a gentler brand I think.

I made it to the gym today for the first time in ages so that felt good , have to keep reminding myself how much better I feel after exercise until I get the habit back.

I have started making my outgoings list but very half heartedly , I know I have to remove my head from the sand and start dealing with all the "Stuff" on one hand I really want the fresh start Patience is talking about and to get divorce etc over but it doesnt seem to be translating to action.

I sat thinking today about how much better I feel , really feel the split is whats best for me rather than me making the best of it iyswim ?

AB I agree with what others have said about making sure this contact with your H isnt somehow keeping you attached to him, keeping you wishing you could get back together ? I know just what you mean about torturing yourself with hearing about ow. That was why I kept total distance !

DC just got home so gotta go

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 20:05

Patience I agree with Getting - you do seem so together

Getting, I am like you on the divorce front - I have the forms but haven't looked at them yet - do you think if I leave them they will go away?

Waves to all

notfallingforhischARMBOW · 30/08/2010 21:07

hi all very excited about Thursday !!!!

going to catch yo rest of thread - speak soon xx

startingovernow · 30/08/2010 22:15

Waves to all.......

Loving all the chat & posts. Happy glad cat is home safe & sound & hopefully wallet will recover soon. Skirt looks lovely.

Patience, glad you're still enjoying your new found diversion Smile

Tea, hope headache has passed & that today was a brighter day for you.

Pink, likewise hope you had a good day.

Chairmum, hope you've managed to catch up on a bit of sleep.

Getting, am feeling like a slob reading about your runs & trips to gym!

Waves to Armbow, Mumfun, LC, Kitty, Soverign & anyone I've forgotten.

Well dc's had great day back at school & ds got on great for first day Smile

OP posts:
teaandcakeplease · 30/08/2010 22:25

Today wasn't great no. My dear twin brother and his wife gave birth to a prem baby 3lb 7oz today, now in scbu struggling to breath Sad

Been lurking about on mumsnet but feeling worried for them and my little nephew.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 30/08/2010 22:33

Saying prayers for little one Tea x

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 30/08/2010 22:42

Waves to all

Tea, hoping your nephew pulls through ok

startingovernow · 30/08/2010 22:51

Ah Tea am so sorry to hear that. Will be praying for your Nephew that he pulls through. Words seem so inadequate at times like these but you will be in my thoughts & sending you big ((Hugs))

OP posts:
Mumfun · 30/08/2010 23:08

Hi Im fine - thanks for the mentions! :)

Tea - sorry youre been through a bad patch -nothing worng with saying that to a RL friend and getting a bit of TLC!

happy -hope cat better. Well done for hols and thinking of you and wee/big DS

Pink (()) I know the family lack of loyalty stuff as you know -so know its bad. BUt would suggest that codependency might be a good thing to look at - its all so hard but youll get there. As you say yes - it will never all go away but it can gradually get less painful with TIME

Getting - on contrary I think youre very brave to let dumplings loose in your place

Starting - yay for good school start for DS. And super yay for internet date - very thought out cautious reply - will be interesting to suss person who wrote it!

AB Cant believe how far you have come in such a short time

Chairmum -glad you can make meet - and hope more sleep is granted soon by the lovely Anja

Patience -woo hoo for internet chat and interest. Hope house develops positively

Eeek - must go to bed so waving to Sov, Dutchy, LC - hope ok and all dumplings and lurkers

And oh forgot to say got asked out (still wearing wedding ring - hmmmm) Not at all interested but complete sweetie - think he could develop into friend material and he certainly doesnt hold it against me so thats good.

NIght night now

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