Thanks for the link Armbow, I'll have a look. My dreams are always VERY vivid and detailed, sort of epic amazing stories, good and bad and I often wake up completley shattered because of them. The ones with exh are always different variations of him leaving me and they stay with me for days and really mess with my head.
Armbow, that's interesting about feeling addicted to him. Do you think you can be addicted to someone ? I'd quite like to know because if you can be then maybe I am too and then there must be a way of breaking the addiction. Whenever I'm on here typing about exh and thinking about him I get a lump in my throat and the tears roll down my face.
To me, we had grown so much together and shared so much, laughed so much etc that in some ways we were like the same person. He obviously didn't feel the same though. I still can't believe he's gone. He was a huge part of me and being without him is like running on one cylinder.
I just have to keep reminding myself that he's not the same person anymore.
Do people really change personallity ? I haven't. I'm older and wiser and more content but I'm still exactly the same person I always was.
It'sall quite interesting isn't it, maybe I over annalize though. I know now with hindsite that I should havw done a lot of things differently but at the time I didn't realize the chipping away effect that it was having on my relationship. He didn't tell me and I'm not a mind reader.
Relationships are a minefield aren't they. Such a balancing act and I proudly thought I'd got it so right. People thought we wre the perfect couple. Oh bloody hell, I'm going to bed to watch big brother. 
x