ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No.7

[startingovernow]

Dearly Be-Chucked, we are gathered here today because, for whatever reason, our man has dumped us!

Whether you are a new dumpling or a vet, feel free to join us in our quest for serenity. ...........

Patience, when he's left watching sky sports & bitching about you, you will have healed, moved on & have the fab life you deserve . Hang in there! Smoke a few cigs, kick a pillow, gobble a mars bar, go out & scream at the sheep.......

Right now it just seems so faraway Startin and i cant stop cryin just feel this is the lowest i have ever been thru any of this he has stolen my hopes and dreams and hurt me in a way i never thought possible.I know it will pass and i know i will rise above the injustice but right now i am very sad .Only thing saving me is at least i got rid of the bastard from my home.

Also i am seeing his true colours ,that is a plus ,i will get over him but he will NEVER get a girl like me again !Its like living with him again when the way he reacts to you determines your mood throughout the day.I had let go of that for many months thru detatchment ,but now someone else has taken my place i am jealous and my ego is struggling with getting "chucked" and how easily he is getting away with opting out and moving on.That is my honest answer and i know my plan that i have to start now,

Dont contact X at all ,he can contact me re dcs.

Start business ,work thru my to do list and get things on track.

Detatch from Xs life completely ,he has moved on ,i have to accept that and do the same or it will destroy me.

Patience sending you a big hug x

LC I recall your handling of ow last time ! I shall be logging on on my return.

Decided to go out as Christina Hendricks tonight they say curves and shape are in and I have plenty of those so am wearing a tight maxi dress cheap from F&F at tesco. Fuck it do or die thats what I say

Back later

Enjoy urself you deserve a nice nite x

Getting, have a great time. Chin up, tits out as Patience says.

XP and OW are terrified that their sordid little affair might become common knowledge. I have an opportunity tonight to make the pair of them squirm as there is a do they will both be at and I can go too if I can find a babysitter. I have indicated that I will throw my toys out of the pram big time if they don't bow to my every whim. It would be extremely embarrassing for them both. In reality, I won't say a word as I shall get much pleasure from savouring their obvious discomfort. If it gets a little hot I might just use a copy of her soppy love letter to him to fan myself with .

just a quick checkin to see if anyone is driving up from birmingham area and would have space for Anya and I before I book train tickets. It would probably just be on the way there as I am hoping to make a weekend of it with friends in London...

Hi all hope everyone's ok - an emotional day for a number of us I think.

Chair, no joy with me I'm afraid.

Getting, waiting for news of date.....

And LC, wondering how the event went.

Waves to all if the lovely Dumplings. Had lovely eve with friends tonight.

Patience I just caught your post before my original anger post. Yes I can really understand why you are feeling so bitter. You tend to post about matters of the heart,how you are feeling,how you see things spiritually very rarely do you refer to the more practical stuff and I am sorry I guess I just assumed the practical stuff was ok until recently .

I am home tell you about date tomorrow just feeling really down

Got a phone call tonite from BIL Getting just to say they are supporting me and to apologise for not being in touch b4.He said PIL are a lost cause so dont even go there just be proud of myself as a mum and the way i am coping.Just feel this week all the emotion of the last year is coming out .I have been letting my "lower self " take over although i know giving out negative energies to everyone is just going to come back on myself.I need to get a grip of my self and aim for all the positive things i can achieve without my X in my life.Unfortunately i am always going to have him in my life so i have to set boundaries now to keep things civilised for my dcs.Realistically i cant control what he says or does when he has the dcs so i have to be the bigger person and put my feelings to the side for their sakes.I dont want to be the unhappy ,bitter XW that got dumped ,i want to be the happy empowered woman that i have seen glimpses of along this road.I guess the bad bits get less and the good bits will start to grow and help me to see i am truly better off without him .Hope ur ok Getting have been thinking of you tonite.I guess i was due to go thru this stage ,only so long i could fight to put it off but i think even a month from now i will be a huge way forward on my road to recovery,i would never have dreamt a year ago this is what was in store ,but they say life is what happens when ur busy making plans .Hope ur not too mixed up Getting ,emotionally i know that moving forward from X is the hardest thing i will ever do in my life but the strongest and will shape me for my life to come .I will dig deep to heal and come back stronger and wiser than b4 .

"I want to be the happy empowered woman that I have seen glimpses of along this road."

Me too

evening all.

lc!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we have missed you

patience - sorry you are having a difficult time. sending you very very positive vibes, thinking of you xx

getting - hoping you are ok too xx

ladies - i need advice. tomorrow i will have to SPEND THE WHOLE DAY with him we are having to sort through all the stuff in he house as our moving out date is moving ever closer.

i have been dreading this day ... too many memories....i don't want to cry... i don't want to shout or argue - i want to be a pillar of calm and dignity. tips?????

was thinking about what i should wear - i don't want to look a scruff bag but then again we are clearing out the loft - i want to look half decent,you know like i am together and coping? but i also don't want him to think i have made an effort for him ifyswim

Dress 4 urself AB you will feel confident and that is always ace,i would go for nice jeans and a tight top!Best of luck tomorrow if things get stressed oi would have a plan B ie do a bit on Sunday if ur not comfortable with spending so much time with him in one go,but i would be like you and want it over and done with x
We will get there Getting its just a phase we have to go thru ,just wish my X was an ugly fecker LOL!

LOL patience wishing my h was ugly too - he thinks he looks like a cross between ben affleck and johnny vaughan (he told me so on a v regular basis)

LOL!AB I think thats why the total detatchment on his part after playing happy famillies 6 wks ago is fucking with my head this week.I am seething inside at his lack of compassion.But this will destroy the good in me and i have been doing so well i just want to lose this feeling ,but b4 it was the hole in the stomach grief bit,now it is anger,i think seeing as how i have been dealing with this for nearly a year i might be able to fasttrack thru it a bit as i have been there done that on several occaisions previous to this one LOL!Anyway one day i will wake up positive without his behaviour clouding my day .Detatchment is the only choice i have ,but his insensitivity to me after all our time spent together is what hurts me the most .

Patience, this is just a dip. Things will feel better soon. Take a step back from yourself and ask if you like what you see - of course you do because you're a good person. I'm a big believer in karma so good things are coming your way sooner or later, trust me.

Hi there charmbow - I'm still alive and kicking. Feeling a bit cross with myself beacause I'm still embroiled in the whys and wherefores of what happened in the past. But I'll get there. Why don't you let him sort the attic out on his own? Just make sure you get the bits you want and tell him to dispose of the rest.

XP and I are getting along ok but we are not a couple. It's hard to explain. There's still a lot of affection between us. We took ds on holiday for a whole fortnight and had a great time because we were both on our best behaviour, being super-polite to each other. It was a long haul flight so having a squabble and getting the next plane home wasn't really an option. However, this meant that we didn't discuss our relationship or the practicalities of living separately and I have had to force the issue over the last couple of days.

I found out he was planning to go out last night with friends from work which included OW and her H. So I demanded an invite. OW tried to veto my invite which insensed me no end. XP was utterly terrified that I would spill the beans to his colleagues but I was on my best behaviour - apart from a few loaded comments that only XP and OW would understand. Unfortunately, I didn't get an opportunity to get into full swing and start really enjoying myself because OW got involved in a cat-fight with one of the other women in the group. I have never seen 2 women (or men for that matter) have a proper fight so I was quite intrigued. I am so glad that this bunch of social misfits are not my friends. OW was incredibly drunk but I was stone cold sober, made my excuses and drove home before the police arrived. Jeremy Kyle would pay thousands for the performance I saw last night. I rest my case.

Patience, I hope you feel better this morning. The flood of emotions you are feeling is normal. It will pass but is probably something you need to go through as you know. You are doing so well on your journey - I will think of you as I do my regular Sat tree hug (inspired by you).

LC . That sounds incredible. What does your XH say about that?

Getting, hope you are restored to serenity this am.

AB, sounds awkward, can you do it with minimum contact as LC suggests? And act slightly detached I think.

Starting, any news on Norm? Today is music day!

Waves to all lovely dumplings x

ok I have my dumpling armour on and I am ready to deal with today..... polite yet detached is the way i am going, serene caaaaaaaaalllllmmm !

Lc - gosh sounds like a drama alright - keep your chin up !

ok everyone wish me luck - want lots of positive vibes please

Today I am going to be a strong eternal tree

will be back later to report.

Potential day of hell with MIL today as I set boundaries and make things clear. She now wants me to go up for 7 days over Crimbo with H as well. No idea what planet she's on.

Morning all !

Well Happy I am ok. Feeling cross with myself that I should be affected by the things exh said yesterday particularly that I have a horrible character. I am pretty sure I dont but I know he really thinks that and its still hurtful to me. It never ceases to amaze me how his views still matter to me at some level. I imagine its because I spent so many years courting his love and good opinion of me that there are residues of that habit lurking about and when I have a long conversation with him I get drawn back somehow.

I am going to just try and have a nice day , no dc no plans so I will get my thinking cap on . I feel like just taking off somewhere and people watching or something quiet anyway.

AB I dont envy you that will be me in a few weeks time I hope.

Patience well firstly remember Handsome is as Handsome does !I think you have had your recovery journey hampered by the reconciliation with him and then the addition of a 21 ow into the mix. This is just a setback though and you will process this and come out the other end stronger and just fine. I think crucially even though you sound quite heartbroken at times you dont sound embittered by it all and you will be smiling again in the future , just hang in there girl !

LC great to have you back on the thread and straight in with an amusing tale ! I might be being dense but I take it its over between you and XP ? Are you coming to the meet up ? I hope so.

Well ladies, my date. I should begin by saying I have never ever been on a date past relationships have always developed from friendship. I say this because I have no idea if it went well or not. I suppose I found it odd being with someone so different from exh who is a total alpha male whereas this guy clearly isnt. He was better looking than I remembered which was nice and the chat seemed to flow ok but I have to say he seemed a bit distracted or even dare I say bored towards the end of the evening. I use the term "the end of the evening" loosely as he said lets get the bill at 9.45 . Mrs no experience in these matters thought oh ok hes had enough but he said he had to be up for work and had just done a double shift . Who knows. Now be gentle with me because I dont know the rules but he was happy for me to pay half the bill which I found odd [spoilt princess emoticon]and I cant explain why but I gave him a lift home and that felt weird .

In conclusion after 18 years with exh I suppose anything was going to feel strange. He said he will call me so we will see , I think my ego will be bruised if he doesnt but I'm not going to be checking my phone hourly

Happy what is the deal with you and music man ? I get the feeling its come up on the thread before my time ? Anyway I am guessing he is a positive force at any rate

Waves to Starting, Chairmum, Mumfun,Sov,Pink

Ooops sorry Tea .

Whats happening exactly with your MIL today Tea ? I read your thread at the time and I am a bit confused about why you would feel guilty. I am guessing you are a very soft person unlike me who would have no qualms in telling them where to go [hard faced bitch emoticon]. I remember one of the replies on the thread along the lines of repetition being the answer just keep saying the same sentence no that wont be happening over and over again

Well I choose my battles, I always tried to rub along with MIL as it wasn't worth the agro as she doesn't back down and just keeps pushing and pushing until you agree. Even if you go quiet she keeps going until you verbally agree, so to save hassle I tried to avoid confrontation. She also once she dislikes someone, goes out of her way to make their life miserable, so I didn't want my whole marriage to be difficult with her. She hasn't spoken to her sister for 20 years. Anyway today I learn how to be assertive with her, as I have to. I cannot spend the rest of childrens childhood with her doing this.

I haven't seen MIL for 6 weeks but the pressure has been mounting with her constantly trying to manipulate and control me through speaking to H about me and DCs. So today if she begins. I have to end it.

Goodness Tea what a nightmare. Its a shame she cant consider you have enough to deal with without her being like that,she sounds very selfish to me.

Good luck x

Hi all

Getting, I have never been on a date either. Re musicman, nothing happening currently will update this eve. Is really nothing I think, just my overactive imagination.

Tea, I have Mil tomorrow I think. Will be weird, hopefully she will not make any demands of me. Bit messy as suspecting she is tasked to then report back to 'the other side' including Country Bumpkin who seems to be working hard to become new family member.

Waves.....