Onelast, I am so glad that you are going to see a solicitor. I agree with Dizie, the house has become like a consolation prize to you. And have you thought that once ds is at school you can build for yourself a career that is just as good as your h's?
If I were in your shoes I would appear negative, too. I agree totally with dignified, it sounds like he is drainng your energy. You know how when you are with someone who is genuinely happy and open, you feel something of that and take on some of their happiness and positivity. Your husband is the opposite.
Right, the visualisation. It's something I've written for a spiritual e-course I run for mums so the wording may need tweaking a bit for anyone without dc. You can read and memorise it, record it and play it back or ask a friend to read it to you. Don't rush, allow 15-20 mins minimum. For this visualisation a 'sacred space' can just be a quiet place where you will be comfortable and undisturbed.
Grounding and protecting in this case helps you to feel anchored and safe in your body. Briefly, you ground yourself by imagining roots extending down from your feet into the ground (I suggest sitting in an upright chair would be good for doing this - if you sit on the floor imagine the roots coming down from your tailbone also)) and protect by imagining that you are encased in a beautiful bubble of golden light. To undo your g&p, just do it in reverse.
Any questions, just ask or PM me.
We learned many of the negative ideas that we believe about ourselves in childhood, and still carry that little child who was hungry for love inside us. This meditation helps you give your inner child the love that they need.
Go to your sacred space, close your eyes and breath down to your still centre, and ground and protect.
Now, picture yourself as a child, during a time when you felt that you were not loved. Maybe it was a time when your parents were angry with you, when they did not take action on your behalf, when they split up or when you were bullied.
What age were you? Imagine yourself clearly, the clothes that you wore, the things that you like to do.
(Pause)
Now become aware that you are watching this child. Notice how lovable she is. You notice that the child is crying. You are aware that all this child needs is love and approval.
(Pause)
Go over to the little girl and talk to her. Ask her what is wrong, if she is old enough to tell you.
Open your arms and embrace this amazing little girl. Reassure her. Tell her how wonderful she is. Tell her how much you love her.
Keep talking and reassuring until you sense that the little girl accepts that she is loved and is lovable.
Notice that you feel the love in your own heart. Give the little girl a hug, and tell her that you will be there for her whenever she needs you. Now imagine this little girl residing in your heart, as your own children do. Know that she is safe and loved, and that you can send her love any time you choose.
Leave the time and place where you met your inner child, and come back to the present. Undo your grounding and protecting, touch your face, and open your eyes and stretch. Have something to eat or drink to ground you.
Record your experiences in your journal.
This is a very powerful exercise that may bring up all kinds of memories and emotions. It is very useful for releasing old hurts prior to forgiveness, and for changing old patterns of self-sabotage.