All Aboard The Brave Babes Battle Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, welcome to thread five!!

I'm Mouse and I'm 10 whole days sober which is bloody amazing given that I would normally consume nearly 90 units per week! And that's without 'special occasions'!!

So, if I can do it, you can do it! The support here is awesome, no matter where you are in your quest to quit. No judging, no cliquey groups.

We are just real, honest people. All helping each other to give up the booze. Come meet the other Brave Babes........................

And for those who would like to read the adventures so far, here are the links from the first four threads!

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Hi, thanks for the welcome.

I won't miss feeling that I have let myself down for opening the wine, when I have told myself all day that I won't. I won't miss that slightly shameful feeling when I offer to top up mine and DH glasses and then glug an extra bit in the kitchen. Or the look that DH gives me when he knows I am checking that he hasn't poured himself more than me so I feel like I am missing out.

Or that I feel groggy in the morning and don't wake up raring to go, as DD deserves. Feeling stressed about work because I am behind (am self employed) because I faff about during the day when I should work because head is groggy, then drink at night when I should be catching up, then miss out / feel guilty that DD has to have an extra day of childcare to help me catch up.

Or the money spent on half - bottle of wine I drink every night when I should be saving and paying off debts.

Or that my lovely DH who used to moan at my drinking now seems to be joining in.

Well done maddogs!!!!

MsGee

Print that out or write it down. All of what you won't miss.

Stick it to the fridge or wherever you keep your wine.

Read it. Often.

It's amazing what you won't miss isn't it?

Loved your post mouse - things I will not miss!!

Hi maddogs, well done for 2 weels. Bloody brilliant!

Oh I love your don't miss/won't miss lists!

I don't miss the eternal "can I drink tonight? How many units am I allowed? Have I had too many? I HAVE had too many, have I harmed my baby :( ?" round and round arguments with myself. So much easier to just not have any in the first place!

Welcome MsGee. I relate to what you said too. When I first posted I was almost hoping someone would say 'hey you haven't got a problem, resume things instantly' However, I posted because I was feeling pretty uncomfortable about my situation.

Can I join in the 'don't miss'??

I don't miss the nagging conscience waking up with me every day.

I don't miss feeling like a rubbish mum. (still not perfect of course but less grouchy)

I don't miss taking trips to the bottle bank so the neighbours didn't see the extent of our drinking on recycling day.

I don't miss quizzing people on how much they drank, keen to find people who drank more than me so I could affirm I was fine.

I don't miss getting evil with dh if he had 'more than his share'.

Well done Maddogs!

Speak of the devil ...

MsGee

Nice to "meet" you.

You say you haven't got a problem yet ... but this

"I won't miss feeling that I have let myself down for opening the wine, when I have told myself all day that I won't. I won't miss that slightly shameful feeling when I offer to top up mine and DH glasses and then glug an extra bit in the kitchen. Or the look that DH gives me when he knows I am checking that he hasn't poured himself more than me so I feel like I am missing out.

"Or that I feel groggy in the morning and don't wake up raring to go, as DD deserves. Feeling stressed about work because I am behind (am self employed) because I faff about during the day when I should work because head is groggy, then drink at night when I should be catching up, then miss out / feel guilty that DD has to have an extra day of childcare to help me catch up.

"Or the money spent on half - bottle of wine I drink every night when I should be saving and paying off debts."

seems to suggest otherwise. Remember - it doesn't have to be a problem for anyone else, it just has to be a problem for YOU.

The other thing that's hard - and please believe me that I'm not taking the piss here, because when I write it down it will inevitably sound like I am - is that you do not phyiscally need to drink alcohol to survive. How you are going to get through tonight is simply by not drinking.

If that sounds too simple to be true it is because your head is telling you otherwise. Physically what is going to happen is very simple - unless you're on, say, half a bottle of spirits or more a day, then your symptoms are very unlikely to go beyond the following:

disrupted sleep
irritability
poor or fluctuating appetite
can't sit still
thinking too much
constipation or the shits
dehydration

In other words, a big hangover. It will probably last for one to three days.

Now, I'm not saying a hangover is fun, and this is likely to be a biggie - but it's really not worth worrying about. No one ever died of a hangover; lots of people die of drinking too much.

So your body is not what you have to worry about. It's your HEAD that's going to tell you that it's worse than it is; that perhaps it will never end; that this is a silly time to stop; that it wasn't all that bad; in other words, that YOU REALLY NEED A DRINK RIGHT NOW.

And you don't.

So ...

eat creme eggs
chew gum
drink tea, coffee and Coke
go for a walk
read a book
play pool
watch shit soaps and films
write a poem
suck a lemon
smoke 40 Marlboro reds

ANYTHING AT ALL except have a drink.

And DO NOT swear off forever. Just worry about today. You can worry about tomorrow - and, if you want to, go through this whole decision making process all over again - tomorrow.

But today you do not have to drink.

thanks MIFLAW, I think that is probably the kick up the butt I needed! And you are right, it is a problem for me.

Pavlova, that all sounds very familiar. My wider family are experts in normalising drinking to excess, so I never have to look far...

OK. I have a crappy novel to read.
I am going to fix my printer so that I can print out some work to proof read to keep me busy.
I might even treat myself to a relaxing bath.

Can I just ask people's experiences of replacement drinks like non alcoholic beer etc.? I find this works ok for a whole but then I reward myself for being good / drink faster later in the evening. Are they of any use at all?

Hello MsGee. MIFLAW speaks sense.

Don't worry about not drinking next weeks, next year at xmas - just think about this evening.

I can recommend strawberry nesquick and ice cream as a gin/wine/vodka substitute!!

"Kick up the butt"? I thought that was quite nice! I'm obviously scarier than I thought ...

For me, non-alcoholic beer etc is always going to be "no, no, no." The last thing I want to do is reinforce an idea that I am missing out by not being able to drink "real" beer - because then, eventually, I probably will.

also because I used to go thorugh phases of drinking low-alcohol beer - it was called Fosters and Carling. If 4% lager wasn't hitting the spot for me, then what chance does the "alcohol-free" stuff have?

But each to his or her own - do what works for you.

Well, it did make me shed a tear but I am a bit of a softie at heart! However, I have read enough of first thread to know what to expect!

Seeing this in black and white is a bit of a shocker. I keep telling myself that I'm not so bad and no different from anyone who likes a glass of wine at night - but if that were the case, why I am here?

lowenergy - I have just remembered I have strawberry milkshake in the fridge... Hurrah.

The honest truth is that you're probably not so bad, but you probably ARE different to anyone who likes a glass of wine at night, and you will almost certainly get worse.

Imagine you are holding a helium balloon and floating further away from the ground - when are you going to jump? Now, or wait till you're 10 feet higher?

A (semi-true) story you sometimes hear in AA may also help. A woman phoned the helpline in tears. She said that she thought she might have a problem with drink and that things were always going wrong but, on the other hand, she held down a job, still had friends, had never wet herself ... How did AA go about assessing whether someone had a problem?

"Well," said the woman on telephone duty that night, "there's no hard and fast rule - but, by and large, it's the people who phone this number."

MsGee, so much of what you said about your drinking resonated with me. Being possessive about alcohol, checking how much vino DP poured himself etc..

The reason why I am here is because my relationship with alcohol was becoming my number 1 relationship.

I would always make time for a drink, or to recover from a drink. I'd always find money for a drink. I'd think about it quite a lot of the time...all to the detriment of my family.

Just take it one evening at a time. And this evening take it an hour at a time. Keep yourself busy, go out for a walk/run, have that bath, get out a good book. It is tough, but you can do it!!

Try not to beat yourself up too much either - I'm seven years sober and I STILL don't wake up raring to go, especially now we have a 2yo! Try to separate out what is genuinely bad about what youi do and don't do, and where it is just you feeling guilty because you know something is wrong with you and assume that that's the cause of everything else that isn't perfect. At the age she's at now, your daughter probably can't tell the difference between a hungover mummy and a sober mummy - as long as you do your best to get it sorted before she can, you'll be okay.

oh my lowenergy, I didn't even think like that but I am putting drink in front of my other things. I absolutely live for my DD, she really has made me a much better person - everything I do is about her.

And yet, here I am. And next week she will be in childcare longer than she should because I couldn't get it together this week.

Actually, she has just woken up. Will be back after bedtime to check in. Tough time. Normally I rush down to open the wine then.

Afternoon all,

I hope that you are not feeling overwhelmed MsGee! It's almost energising for us when someone new comes on the thread as it reminds us (even though it wasn't that long ago for most of us) what it was that brought us to this thread/ AA meetings/ the GP/ our knees basically!

Just keep it simple and stay away from the booze one day at a time. You'll be fine

Hi fairies i'm back because I am feeling wobbly, for no reason that I can think of, which is scary and now I feel blue. Bugger!

Sorry I just madly posted, without reading what went before. Welcome McGee

Hello MissP, what's going on? Has anything happened to make you feel blue?

Just remember, you will feel worse if you have a drink! (Boring but true!)

Are you there MissP? Come talk to me. I am here and I am listening.

Hi Moomin I keep having to disappear to do things! No nothing I can think of which is why I'm confused. I think it might just be that Friday feeling! I know drinking won't help. Perhaps I'll just kick the cat instead

No, not the poor cat!

I think that if the Friday feeling is making you consider booze then just tell it to, 'Fuck the fuck off!' Seems to work for other babes!

I totally understand what you mean about Fridays though. That's why, for me, going to an AA meeting on a Friday evening is invaluable. Fridays to me have always been a case of, 'Right, work's over, everyone down the pub!' (Not so much where I am now but very much so when I lived/ worked in London.)

Have you got some things to do tonight that will keep your mind off it? Keep posting - when you can - it really can help.

I wouldn't really kick the cat I have just caught up with todays posts and it has really helped! If I had calmly read them before I posted it would have been better. Oh well onwards and upwards. Thanks Moomin x

Well done MissP. Nice to see that being used.

I'm exhausted. Ma and Pa have just gone. DD is out with her friends, DH is at work and DS has just brought his feed back. Again.

Nice to see MIFLAW has appeared! He's like Mr Ben's shop keeper!!

Hope I helped! And I did not think you would really kick the cat!!

Deep breaths MissP. Sounds like the wobble has nearly gone. Well done!