Fab & Glam 11 - A New Chapter

[Tanee58]

I figure that the reason I haven't been able to post all day, is because we've run out of thread - again!! Hope you all find this, my fellow Teabags. Are contenders for the longest-running MN thread?

Anyhoo, TFM, I have a tent, and an inflatable mattress. And I quite fancy a trip oop north!

Givenchy - he obviously has quite a lot of control over you if that's how you feel. Maybe one day you'll stop trying to please him and please yourself instead.

Hi lovely teabags.
I have decided that I'm going to delete myself from here .

I decided a while ago to stop coming on so much because every time I do I end up feeling completely depressed at the threads on the relationships board, and just lately I have been really shocked at the downright bitchiness on some of the other threads.

However, when bored at work, I have still posted a few things and I just don't like the tone of it all anymore. I just think that the Mumsnet I joined 6 years ago is long gone. So I'm deleting myself so that I won't be tempted to post anymore.

I may still lurk about on here every so often, and if any meetups are in the pipeline I'll be there.
I do want to thank every single one of you for being such brilliant friends, I have really appreciated all of your support over the last few years and I hope we will keep in touch via Facebook.
Ginnny
xxxxx

:(

Hello everyone! Long time no speak! I have so much to catch up on. Is everyone still on here now and again?? I will have a read through... could do with a good catch up but not sure if here or FB is best these days!! xx

I have had a very quick catch up! It's lovely to hear how you all are.

Ginny - that you're leaving, but we can still talk to you on FB can't we?

TFM I do keep up with your posts on FB. But how are you and dd really doing?? Are you as happy as you seem?

Givenchy - it's so sad that you still feel like you do. I agree with everyone else who says that you shouldn't stay just because things are 'ok', or through any fear of being alone. Being alone is so so so so so much better than being unfulfilled. At least alone you always know what to do to make yourself happy!

Macd how are you? Often think about you.

LL I'm sorry for what you've been going through, but it sounds like your lovely DD is a little star and she has the best mum in the world. How is she?

Tanee it sounds like you're making great progress Hopefully another happy ending! How is dd doing too??

Annie - how are you? Have missed your good advice and wisdom! And yours and TFM's jokes! Could do with a few smiles!

HW how are you? How's things with dh and how are the dc?

Sorry not been on for so long. I have had a really hard time at work, obviously the two little men also keeping me busy, some health problems, and not to mention exH dragging out the divorce as long as he possibly can (still going on now!!!!). I just haven't had the strength to come on and post.
I also had a 5 month relationship with someone who was a lovely person, and should have been perfect in theory, but just wasn't right for me. Felt like the worst person in the world ending it and it really affected me. I hate hurting anyone. I think I really wanted it to work out, rather than just seeing how it went and letting things take their natural course. But I did learn a big lesson - if there is no spark or connection from the start, no matter how 'nice' the person is, there is no relationship!

I often think about a meet up. Really would love to. TFM we must organise something too!!

Hi All
remember me????
Sorry I have not been here for a while - just so much going on not sure where to start.
Ginny totally understand about deleting MN - I have been tempted to do the same - but here I am!

Givenchy - so sad to see you are still not in a great place. Cant wait to have a real gossip with you soon.

Thinks have been ticking away nicely - not always great - but thats life ehh?

DC keep me busy
DS 1 doing A levels as I type - he has worked so hard and really does deserve to get the grades. However he does not have a uni place as yet - he is on a waiting list - he wants to do medicine and the competition is very tough. He does have a job though working in a GP surgery so hopefully will get in next year (although the fees will be three times!!!!).
DD1 - oh dear she has turned into a teenager big time. HELP - we swing from shouting at each other to getting on really well - and she is so different from DS1 - she does not work at school and is generally un-interested in anything at all. I just hope she grows out of it soon.
DS2 - starting the teenage strops but somehow easier than DD. He just hides in his room playing on his computer - the only difficulty we have with him is getting him to have a shower.
DD2 - is my life saver - she is so far doing all she should do and more. Good at school and great company. She is getting really good at tennis and has been asked to play in some tournaments. Although the amount of running around I have to do keeps me busy.

H is pretty much the same - we try and have time to ourselves but it is not always easy and we both admit we need to make more time sometimes.
He is ok at work but not over the moon - he would like to do less and get paid more(wouldnt we all).

We are both finding it hard with all the goings on in the news - but at least we are talking about it.

I still have days when i feel intense anger, loneliness, sadness and despair. But i do think generally my life is going in the right direction and i am happier. I am still working, and its ok - I hope to do more but need to 'get rid of' DS1 and get DD2 settled into her new school routine (she goes up to new school in September) - the rountine change will probably effect me more than her tbh.

Anyway love to catch up with you all and will endevour to read through the thread.

Hi to everyone.

Hi Baffy, HW, lovely to see yas.

I'm still all over MN like a rash as I don't have anything more productive to do with my day, in between job-hunting and the occasional actual short-term employment. Facebook is against my religion. I can just pick a name and post here, I don't need to have a profile, but on FB you do and they don't even promise to delete it if you want to leave. Can't be doing with that.

Oh, remember that course I wasn't getting on with last year? I finally got it finished, and passed.

Givenchy
Just read you posts and I know they are from a while back but I too can only say what the others have said and really being alone would surely be better than being so unhappy?
I think about my parents who i dont think were ever happy with each other. My mum is ill and so my dad is her carer now. My mum is looked after by someone she has no respect for and my dad is 'trapped' having to look after my mum who is never grateful for what he is doing as she sees it as his duty. I think if i were to ask them neither of them left the marriage because it was 'not that bad', and i am sure neither of them would have expected it to be like it is now.
on my 'down' days I often think maybe I should have left or that I should now - but the one thing that keeps me going is that if i look into the future I can honestly say I want to share that my H - he really is a great friend and without the pressures of everyday family life and work we would be very happy. We had a wonderful holiday in April that re-affirmed that for us both - we just both like the same things and have even started thinking about when it is just us.
However I also know that I would be happy on my own - something I never thought I would. I am much happier in my own company now and it is a nice feeling to know I would be ok. On the rare occasions when H does have to stay away for work I actually like it now. I used to worry and panic (even before our problems) and would phone him several times. Now it is usually him that phones me to find out what I am up to.

All I would advise is to get the life you want and deserve (whilst still living the married life), and dont put up with things you know to make you unhappy. If you put up in silence to dont tell him exactly how you feel then he will turn it back on you and say he never knew.

Thinking of you and will chat soon.

Ginnny - sorry you are leaving but understand your reasons and hope to see you again in a future meet up. Be happy

Annie - I'm with you re facebook. I don't trust it at all. I did join but rarely go on it. I occasionally get flashes of intense anger toward facebook!!

Baffy - great to hear from you. Glad all is well with you and the boys. Sorry the divorce is being drawn out. dd is still not walking. She continues to make improvements but is so extreme (on her toes) that I often despair of her ever managing to balance enough to walk. But then I have stern words with myself and remind myself that I'm supposed to think positively. I try.

Hi everyone, I haven't been on MN for ages because our thread had gone so quiet. Fantastic to see so many teabags back. Hi Baffy!!!!

Dior, sorry to hear things are ok, but not great. After my marriage, I thought 'ok' wasn't enough. Now, I'm not so sure, after all the traumas with DP - things are better, but he's had a dip recently and refused to go to counselling for 2 weeks. I'm hoping he'll be up for it this week, or I'll have to give him another ultimatum.

Ginnny, sorry you're leaving - though I know what you mean about other threads. Couldn't you just check up on our thread, and leave the rest of the nasty threads alone? I feel so lucky to have found this thread and all of you - whom I call real friends, you've all helped me so much!

OK Dior and HW - I'm still up for that lunch - we're about a year overdue. And a meetup with Baffy and TFM is well overdue, too. Am happy to travel north...

Tanee that sounds like a plan!

HW lovely to hear from you!! The kids sound like absolute little stars. Bet you are so proud.

LL keep up the positive thinking, you're amazing xx

And CONGRATULATIONS Annie, that's great news. There's a good reason for a meet-up/celebration if ever there was one!!

My ex continues to be an absolute arsehole and I have no idea why I still let him get to me! He rocks up this evening, and announces that he has (yet another!) new girlfriend and she's a blummin girl who we knew when we first met and he was after her back then! 18 years ago! Raking up tons of blummin sadness and insecurity that I had when I was a teenager Makes me think what the hell was really going through his head all of those years. And also, can I punch him now?!?!

I was obviously taken aback by the new revalation, and he said he knew it'd hurt me, but it 'just happened' and he's really happy with her.... oh yea, out of the million people in the world it 'just so happened' that he ended up at her house and his clothes all fell off!!!

I do not know why this bothers me. I am 100% sure that he has had more chances than he deserves and I wouldn't go near any part of him without surgical gloves on. But the bastard just keeps the punches rolling. Whilst still dragging out the divorce because it's 'not what he wants'!

Sorry - but this one was worthy of a MN rant before I explode!!!

Hello Baffy.

My take on it is that it bothers you simply because the bastard he is telling you. The Bastard He should not be telling you. His life is exactly that now, his life, but yet he continues to involve you, and he is either doing this to rub your nose in it or seek your approval to alleviate himself of any guilt he may feel for hurting you. He tells you because he is a shit he cares only about himself and his own feelings. Please try not to let him get to you. Detach yourself from him as much as you possibly can, it's the only way xx

Thank you TFM! You actually made me laugh then

I do know he is an absolute twunt of the highest order and I think you're right. I know we will always have to communicate on some level because of the kids, but I think distance is the only option. He can do all pick-ups/drop-offs via my mum again if he's going to start all this back up, and I will only speak to him if I absolutely have to.
If only to stop myself from chopping off what's left of his manky man-bits!!!!!

xx

Well I was always one for maintaining an friendship with The Ex for the sake of DD but I must say I have found it not to be necessary. We communicate via email and he doesn't even get out of the car when he picks up and drops off now. Apart from the times he is trying to cop a look at me but what he doesn't know is that I'm upstairs lurking behind the blinds copping a look at what I used to live with and wondering how the hell I stuck it for so long.

So yes, no contact is the way to go. Especially if it keeps you away from those bits of his that by now must be rancid!! xx

Hehehe

I think I was just quite shocked at how poweful my anger and sadness was this evening. Haven't felt emotion over him for a long time.
Guess he'll always know what buttons to press and he'll have his own warped motives.

I am doing what you say. Give him no chance to do it again!

Good thing is that we can choose our friends, and who would choose people like those two?!?!

Thanks TFM xxxxxx

Well you did love the man, you loved him enough to stand by him and try make a go of things despite him treating you so badly so I think you will be surprised by such feelings for a while to come yet, BUT only if you allow yourself to be. The answer is not to put yourself in situations where he is able to cause that reaction in you, by detaching and having no contact you are taking charge of your emotions and not giving him a chance to control them. Real love takes a long time to fade away to nothing, no matter how badly a person was treated. Until that days comes you have to do whatever it takes to look after your heart

As for Your Ex, pretty soon his new woman will realise what a shit unpleasant man he is and dump him. He goes through women like a dose of salts that one so don't waste your precious time giving it head space.

And I totally agree, I would never choose The Ex to be a friend!!

Stay strong and keep smiling!! xxxxx

Ditto my lovely xxx

I'm always smiling these days Baffy xxx

Poor old Baffy . He can't bear to be unimportant, can he? He'd rather get a negative reaction than none at all.

Rationally, of course, there's no reason you should be angry, or even surprised, that he's dating some silly lovestruck female; but then, when were emotions ever rational? What would probably have made me angry in your shoes is the feeling that this is wrong. Unjust. Not the artistically appropriate ending, like a movie where the girl falls into the guy's arms and you go "No, not that one, marry the other one, he's so much better!" but the bloody studio had other ideas. It's bullshit anyway, what he's telling you, never been happier, just sort of happened like magic etc. As she's been mooning after him for years it just saved him the trouble of looking further afield for the next arm candy. You may also ask yourself why he didn't get together with her all those years ago instead of you, and the answer is: he probably did, cheaty bastard that he is. No wonder you felt insecure. Hooray for hindsight eh?

Well, the good news is that he can't drag the divorce out forever. The law is smart enough to realise that some people try to do this so there are limits. Keep the process trotting along and freedom will follow.

Baffy I reckon Annie is spot on. He didn't have to tell you but he chose to. He must be sooooo insecure to keep trying to get a reaction from you. What will he do with himself when the divorce goes through and he can't keep you dangling anymore. I can understand how hurt you must be feeling....and angry but one day you will be free of this parasitic poor excuse of a human being and I just hope that he doesn't infect the children with his dysfunctional, toxic behaviour. From what you say he seems to reserve that for the women in his life. Good thing you had boys

Thanks LL and Annie

Been a while since I had a good rant on here!! I've calmed down today and feel a lot happier - the more he behaves like this the more it helps my relief in being out of it all. Am sure it won't be long until he hurts her like he has done with everyone else. Regardless though, it's nothing to do with me anymore and I'll never give him the opportunity to start these mind games ever again. She's very very welcome to him!

He's signed the statement of arrangements now, and the petition, so I think there is finally a light at the end of the tunnel! I think it's just over to the judge now, and then we get the final date. I'll always be devastated that my marriage ended so awfully, but I think it's slowly being outweighed by relief of not having to be on the receiving end of his sh*t anymore

Baffy, he is not worth even the teeniest tap of your lovely fingers on the keyboard! And, I suspect, he knows it, or he wouldn't still be trying to pull your strings like this.

Can we all have a meetup to celebrate your divorce? You've been through so much, you deserve it.

Thanks Tanee

Meet up - Yes please! That would be the perfect way to celebrate the end of almost 5 years of his nonsense, but more importantly, almost 5 years of fantastic friends being by each other's side every step of the way!!

Anyone on facebook do we still have that group set up?? I am wondering about organising some dates to try and come down and see you all... xx

wow didn't even know this thread was still running hi everyone how weird feels like bumping into an old friend you haven't seen for ages