brave battling babes get even better without the booze!

[jesuswhatnext]

10 weeks ago i started a thread asking for help - i was in a very desperate place, totally dependent on alchohol, unhappy, lonely and floundering around trying to make sense of it all. i was in danger of losing everything i hold dear.

in those few short weeks, i have got my life back and picked up a few computer friends along the way - we help each other, support each other, and laugh and cry together - if you would like to join us, please feel free - no judging, preaching, sermonising or moralising - we are simply ordinary people with a bloody awful illness!

Hi. maddogs I guess that what you could do is go on Saturday, not drink, and just see what happens. How about preparing a few things that you could talk about? I know it seems a bit silly, but if you have a few thoughts of what you could talk about then that might be quite good - suss out a few questions, or just ask same old 'how's your day been today'

Could you take something 'British' along that would be a starting point for a conversation or a game for the children - outdoor Jenga or a croquet set or something... Just to get the ball rolling...

I'm back from therapy. The sweet woman stayed half an hour longer because I was in such a state. Gawd.

HR advice needed please? mouse and venus (and anyone else - btw venus just mailing you back) Is there any point emailing Miss HR saying that I would like to know if there's anyway I could banish this lingering doubt she has about my ability to 'self manage'... Whether meeting again or whatever.

"maddogs, I am not sure that most people would want you to talk more. In my experience, most people are only too happy to talk about themselves, and what they actually want is for you to ask them the right question so that they can talk about themselves and their interests, and for you to sho the appropraite surprise / awe / laughter / that they want.

Learning the right questions to ask is something that I am sure you can do." So true - I AM a good talker and was convinced that what everyone else wanted me to do was just that.

apparently they didn't ...

Christi - glad therapy went better than you thought it would. Re HR, no.

So sorry to be harsh but there is more to this than you are being told. HR is NEVER the final decision maker in panel interviews, NEVER.

And rarely in other interviews. There is little point asking her, she has been used as the scapegoat here IME.

Sorry. I wish I could say that she'd change her mind but I don't believe for a second that it's her mind that needs changing. Nor do I think that you have let yourself down.........

I think this was out of your hands as soon as they started the 'delay' tactics.

So mouse why don't you think they have said 'no' yet then? I am really curious.

OK - here it is Christi

They offered the other candidate. He has asked to think about it. You are being kept warm still, hence the lack of a 'no'.

OR

He has handed his notice in and has been counter offered. He's gone back to them with said counter offer and they are discussing what they can do to accomodate.

You are being kept warm to one degree or another.

Just my thoughts on this.

OK, I am pretty sure that no-one has been made an offer. I have been definitively told that. What I was told was that they wanted the guy I'd be working with to 'gain fuller perspective on the market' so see two other candidates next week, and they weren't willing to say no to me as I may still prove to be the best candidate...

it's all very weird.

"Miflaw - help me out here. It really does feel to me as though drinking helps to make that happen, by relaxing me and allowing me to get past my inner blocks, removing my inhibitions, whatever. Do you really think that drinking does NOT help? Or do you think that a little helps but I can't stick to a little?"

Drink is a known disinhibitor (I think that's the term) so, in a very crude sense, it can help.

But WHO it can help depends on the individual.

If you have a drink problem, it is always going to be like choosing dysentry to solve constipation. You cannot choose to have "a bit" of dysentry and you cannot control the chain reaction once it starts.

so, to all intents and purposes, though it may help others, it can never help you.

Sorry to hijack this with my job worries by the way everyone!

Mouse do you think any harm could come by emailing HR?

"an egomaniac is someone who is so conceited that the only important person in their life is themselves and that is not me."

So if your husband or child asked you to stop drinking you would? Or would you feel like that was a big ask?

In other words, who comes first where drink is involved - other people or you you you?

Christi

The story just keeps changing? Or I'm missing posts............

I hope that you get some form of closure on this one way or another soon and I hope that you do prove to be the best person for the job!

Me too i am desperate for closure.

OK my wonderful Babes, almost time for me to bow out for the day once again... Has been lovely to chat with everyone that has been about today.

Hope tonight proves as calm(-ish) as last night!

Might even have to look out for a new thread I suppose if things remain busy. Bloody hell, thread 5 is not far away!

Everyone - keep safe and strong. If you don't pick up the first drink you can't get drunk

Red

Have a great evening. xx

Christi

It will seriously piss your recruitment chap off if you contact the client direct. Trust me.

Unless they have said you can that is. Maybe clear it with him???

MI-FLAW My husband verbally abused me for over 12 years, I have been separated from him for the last 13 years, in that time I have reared my children on my own with no financial support from him, in those 13 years my children have seen me drunk about 10 times:( Believe it or not they find me very funny when I am drunk because my sense of humour comes to the fore. I am not a messy drunk in terms of falling all over the place, I just can't shut up:)
Reading through the posts it seems that you are the one who kicks ass but sometimes it might help to ask why someone feels a particular way about themselves or a situation rather than jumping straight in and challenging their thoughts and opinions on themselves:(

Christi, I wouldn't email the HR person. If what you are being told is straight, then HR will still want the recruiting manager to see the other people. There is a risk that the HR Managers's viewpoint could become even more fixed if you appear to be hassling him/her.

Will be interested to see the reply to desire's post tomorrow...

Laters Babes x

desire perhaps you are not yet a messy drunk. I was like you, until it just got a little bit worse, and then a little bit more.

Although I think that maybe MIFLAW feels like he has to 'kick ass' as we (well, me really!) ask him to? Or he just wants to bang some sense into us??

Sorry one more piece to add to above post . . have put two children through college, both in good jobs, still putting other 2 through school:)

Bye venus x

OK, thank you for the advice. Hard to see the wood for the trees I guess. I realy appreciate it so much.

desire sorry about the abuse that you suffered, how dreadful. As someone who was abused by an ex partner for a few years I know how awful and belittling it can be, or at least was in my cse, of course I have no idea of your particular circumstances.

venue am sure there are times when I am a messy drunk:)

was desire, was a messy drunk.

Very quick there mouse! (Yes, I am still here. Meant to be finishing stuff off but never mind!)

Sorry "was" a messy drunk:)