I can see what you mean - that does sound like a 'big talk' - and perhaps more got said than you have been able to say to him before. And him to.
I think that it is really good that although it is his beahviour that makes you feel as if you hate yourself, you are also aware that that is not 'right' - so you are not acccepting it, and are not falling into a pit of helplessness.
The thing is, Freedom Training is presumably not some sort of brainwashing course designe dto get women to leave their partners, but a sort of 'firness' course to tone up your own sense of who you are, what you want, and how you can get it in life. That MAY involve gaining the strength, strategies and clarity to neotiate firmly with H and create the relationship you want. Or gaining the clarity and strength to go it alone. If you do that, it can still be with the knowledge that if H then made a serious (and succesful) effort to chane, you could put your relationship back together.
I sometimes feel a bit shoddy posting on your thread, because of course my own relationship is a long way from perfect. Communication often falters or gets tangled, we row, we build up resentments, we take each other for granted, we are unreasonable, we let outside pressures affect what goes on betwen usetc etc. But I think the difference is that we go into these messes with equal power, I am not afraid of DP, or his moods, and I am completely confident that I have as much independence to be me, as he does. We create problems mutually, we solve them (hopefully!) mutually.
I think it's good that he acknowledged that it is him who makes you hate yourself, and told you not to hate yourself - but you don't need HIS permission to like yourself or feel proud of yourself. I thik freedom training maight help support you to have the pride in yourself that you deserve.
I bet you are not more clumsy than anyone else! We all spill things. And more so if someone is standing over us glowering about it - it is a cliche of films that the tray wobbles in the hands of people under stress!!
And I know you feel shy and apprehensive about meeting people and in new situations - but remember that all the other women on the freedom training course will be in the same poistion as you, and some will be enduring lives that are even worse - or have even less self-esteem than you! It is a course designed to support you - so the leader is hardly going to shout at you!
AND you will be able to meet other women and share what happens (if you want to) without worrying about family tension, or it getting back to him - a safe, confidential space.
Presumably you will be back at work soon? You are clearly excellent at your job, respected and valued by colleagues, a great Mum, and somehow, sometime, you will be able to celebrate all that and enjoy the confidence that you deserve.
You are doing REALLY well.
xxxxxx