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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stressedmummy is back on line at last!!!

650 replies

stressedmummy · 25/08/2005 14:12

Thank goodness!
We have had loads of problems connecting back up to the internet & H was having a few little tantrums about it this morning, but I am now back!
He was not as cross as he could have been regarding the wine, because I think I have got rid of most of the stain. I am now banned from drinking red wine in the lounge!

OP posts:
hocuspocusdiplodocus · 10/10/2005 13:01

Yes, there were too many other pumpkins.

Original poster
stressedmummy · 10/10/2005 13:03

I haven't even managed to change either of my names, the once!
Very clever!

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 10/10/2005 14:13

Been trying to get hold of my HV all afternoon & had no luck!
Monday & Friday pm's are the only time I am able to contact her, as they are my only half day's.
Think she is run off her feet ATM, as she is now the only HV at our surgery, but need to get hold of her to get the phone number of that woman.

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 10/10/2005 15:46

I have just bumped into her on the way to school!
There was apparantly a letter in the pigeon hole of the teacher I work with, for me!
It was to arrange for her to come & visit me next monday at 1.30pm.
She says that she has that number for me.

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hocuspocusdiplodocus · 10/10/2005 16:37

She really is a diamond.

Blu · 10/10/2005 16:56

Excellent! (re HV).

SM - so sorry you are living like this. The way he talks to you gives me the creeps - 'is there something you want to tell him,' ffs! It sounds like an ultimatum from a teacher. If I thought my DP was being 'cagey' around the computer I'd say straight out 'oh yes, what dodgy site will you be erasing from history, then?'. He spies on you and plays creepy mind games. Freedom is indeed waiting for you - it will still be there when you're ready....next step - get that info .

XXXX

Original poster
stressedmummy · 10/10/2005 16:57

She sure is!
H is still out ATM & I am making sure I delete after each time I post on here today!

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 10/10/2005 17:08

Yes Blu, I was so relieved to see her today!
Not only did he come out with the "Have you got something you want to tell me" line at 5am, but when I asked what he ment, he just kept repeating the question & would not tell me why he was saying it.
This really freaked me out, as my mind was going crazy, with what he could have seen!
I imagined him finding out about the freedom training etc!

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Blu · 10/10/2005 17:16

That sounds as if he is deliberately playing mind games. If he does it again, just say 'no' and don't ask WHY he is asking. Then he can't torment you any further with it without telling you what he is thinking.
Why was this conversation happening at 5am? Is that what time you or he normally get up?

Original poster
stressedmummy · 10/10/2005 19:01

No, I get up at 7am for work.
I had a disturbed night, because I was going out of my mind with worry that he may have seen some of either this thread, or my conversation with loobie.
I turned around in bed, to see him with his eyes open & I made a comment about the room being hot.
He then came out with the "Have you got something to tell me" line & when I said no & asked why he just asked again & then said "Fine, go to sleep then."
There was no way I could sleep & asked him again why he was saying it, as I was fearing the worst.
Eventually, he said about how jumpy I was on the computer when he walked in the room.
I feel horribly nervie now & am expecting him to pop up behind me at any time.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 11/10/2005 13:26

stressedmummy, sorry to hear things are so tense at home again. The more I read, the more I know that your H is emotionally controlling and abusive - just like my ex-H was.
You may have discussed this before and I've missed it - but is there any particular reason you stay with him?

Lizita · 11/10/2005 16:22

hi stressedmummy don't know if you remember me posting a while ago. Just letting you know that i don't have internet access at home any more, but I think of you every day and always check your thread when i get the chance! Sounds like you're doing really well, and putting a brave face on things - and keeping very rational and clear headed about H's behaviour etc, seeing through everything he does. you are well on your way!

dinosaur · 11/10/2005 16:39

It's really horrible, stressedmummy. Gives me the creeps, so lord knows what effect it must be having on you .

Blu · 11/10/2005 17:04

This must be truly horrible for you SM - but try to remember that you are guilty of nothing, so you have nothing to 'act guilty' about. If he DOES see something you (understandably) don't want him to know about, you still have every right to be saying it, writing it, posting it. If he doesn't like what you think, that is his problem. I'm not so niaive to think that he wouldn't make it your problem, of course he would, and that is what you are afraid of. BUT you're not 'guilty' so don't act guilty, EVER, and he is actually then far less likely to suspect you! If he does see something you can stand firm and say 'just chatting and sharing experiences of life with a friend'. I think it IS the best course of action atm to make sure he doesn't see your stuff, but if he did, I would say the best thing would be to act innocent, righteous and calm. You have done nothing wrong. It is all his problem.

Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 18:28

I know you are right Blu, I am making myself look guilty by being so nervous on here & asking him why he was asking etc.
I guess it is because I was so petrified of him seeing anything that I talk to you lot about.
I remember how he acted when I wouldn't let him see my conversation with puska that time.
He hasn't mentioned any more about it since yesterday morning, so presume he hasn't seen any of my conversations on here.
He has been a bit snappy with the kids tonight & seems to be in one of those moods in general.

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 18:54

Just opened the letter from my HV & it has that woman's phone number in it.

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 22:30

Anyone around???

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 22:36

I know he's spied on me.

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Blu · 11/10/2005 22:41

Me! Just having a quick look before going to bed.

Good for your HV - you can cal the woman. She'll probably be really plesaed that someone is interested in asking her advice.

I know - and I remember well how he reacted when he found out you had talked to your friend, his mated gf/dw. Like the scientologists who try to stop thier followers having much contact with other people (SO much about scientologists on MN atm - is scientology the new Milupa?), your H will do his best to cut you off from the real (rational) world, too. I think it's sensible, if only to preserve you energy, to avoid situations where he might harrass you to find out wht you are doing, but if he DOES find out, just try to remeber the rational worlds point of view - that you are meremly having a discusion about your problems - as you are fully entitled to do, harming no-one else. You have not re-mortgaged the house without discussing it, you are not(as far as i know!!) engaged in internet sex on MSN, nor gambling the housekeeping on on-lline poker. You are doing nothing wrong.

Blu · 11/10/2005 22:42

x posted.
What do you mean, spied on you?

Sorry about all my typos - I'm a hopeless typist.

Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 22:45

He came down earlier & I had just finished posting on an innocent thread, when he came in & said "Caught you doing it again."
He said he heard me typing from upstairs & it just so happened that I stopped when he came in.
He said you can tell which threads I have been on etc. This tells me that he has been spying.

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 22:47

He said I saw some thread about being so unhappy & then said "Well you are not the only one."

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 22:47

Sorry, bad typing! Trying to type without making much noise.

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Original poster
stressedmummy · 11/10/2005 22:49

All in all I have had a horrible day today.

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Blu · 11/10/2005 22:53

WEll perhaps if he sees you doing lots of 'innocent' Mumsnetting, and 'finds' some threads you have been on which are about recipes and headlice and the view from ChicagoMums window, he will be re-assured. Maybe do this thread when he is out, and delete history so that it doesn't come up, then log on anew, visit a few random arts and crafts threads, adn don't delete!

Ha, you could play some mind games with him - visit some threads that would get him curious!