Stressedmummy is back on line at last!!!

[stressedmummy]

Thank goodness!
We have had loads of problems connecting back up to the internet & H was having a few little tantrums about it this morning, but I am now back!
He was not as cross as he could have been regarding the wine, because I think I have got rid of most of the stain. I am now banned from drinking red wine in the lounge!

I see you did get my mail, as I have just got yours!
Can't mail back tonight, as my send & recieve is playing up a bit ATM.
Glad to hear Joseph is being such a good boy for you!
Enjoy your kebab tonight!

I am very relieved to be back on line dinosaur!
It has been a very stressful couple of weeks!
Have you been on holiday somewhere nice?

I have done lots of thinking recently & as you see, I have had another heavy discussion with him.
I feel better for being on line & it really helps to have people telling me that it is not all my fault, as I start to get brain washed that I am to blame for everything that happens.

Well it now seems that the wine stain has not cleared up well enough, as you can see a very slight mark still.
It is not very noticable, just looks very slightly darker, so I am hoping it is from where the carpet is still a bit wet.
H has told me that I must phone up a carpet cleaner by Tuesday at the latest & then pay the bill.
He has told me that if I have not organised it by Tuesday, he will cancell my internet access.
I don't mind paying out for the carpet to be cleaned if the mark remains, but am now feeling very uneasy, because I just know that I will go & spill something else on the carpet one day.

why are you with him?

He is just looking for another reason to cut off more of your outside support.He is threatening to cancel your net as he knows you are getting support from her so is using the carpet as a reason to do it.Please see this for what it is another attempt at belittleing you and reigning you back in,gaining more control and taking away your support.{{{hugs}}}

You are probably right Loobie, although he doesn't know about this thread thankfully.
He does have to be in control & has to appear to be in charge & have the upper hand all the time.
In answer to your question custardo, I dont know.
I kind of don't really know where to go from here & am very scared of taking the big step IYKWIM?
I am getting there though.

He has no right to threaten to take away your internet access. You are not a naughty child, you accidentally spilled some wine. Big deal, it happens! IF HE made the decision to have cream carpets, he should not be surprised that they get stained. If he wants to live in a spotless showhome, he should live on his own (good idea).

Does he seriously think that threating you like this, threatening, humiliating and belittling you, will make you love him and want to stay with him?

no i dont know what you mean but other mumsnetters probably do.

how are you getting there?

He is treating u like a naughty child!!!!
It is totally belittling you !!!!! He has no right to have this kind of control over you??!??!?!
and p.s - has he not got ANYTHING else to think about other than YOUR next "Punishment" x 100

It has got to the stage where you cannot ALLOW him to treat u like this ANY MORE!!!!
Tell him to sod off and get a carpet cleaner himself - and if he cuts off your access - you will have it put back on!

Like it Tessiebear!

Tessiebear!
Thing is, it is his pc & he will find a way to get round that one.
The things I am scared about custardo, are things like where would I go (living with my Mum is almost as stressful as being here!)how I would cope financially (I earn rubbish money) & above all I fear telling him I am leaving.
I have come a long way from the denial that I used to have about a year back that I just had a H with a bad temper, to realising that I am in a very unhealthy relationship & need to take action.
I have taken on board a lot of the advice that I have got from MN & have confided in my HV, who is visiting me once a fourtnight. I have also discussed home events with my ds's SENCO, alongside my HV, which was very hard as she is also my line manager at work!
I am going to start going to a freedom training course next month that my HV reccomended, which I hope will give me more strength & have started to confide in RL friends more, rather than hiding things & making out all is ok.
They are small steps, but each one has helped me along the road a little more & given me more strength towards bigger steps IYKWIM?
He can easily switch on the nice side, which sometimes made me think all would be ok, but I am now starting to realise things will remain far from ok & I am trying to do something about it, even if it appears that I am not!
Hope that made some sense!

well sounds like you know what to do and how to do it, your seeking advice and slowly acting on it. well done you!

Sorry "his" PC?

I wish I knew how to advise you. I dont know what to say but I feel you and your sons deserve to be treated much better.

He had the pc built by his computer boff friend & he paid for it, so he would see it as his pc.

Morning SM - i take it your E-mail is still having trouble??
Sorry if i sounded harsh yesterday - its just where does your H get off with all this "His" stuff.
He has got to realise HE IS IN A MARRIAGE - A RELATIONSHIP. Things have got to be more equally balanced if things are ever going to work - emotionally as well as materialistically.
When is he going to step up and take some responsibility in this marriage???
btw - i hope you dont mind me asking this - is there a physical side to your relationship at the moment (apart from your H breaking things that is )?????

If you are referring to sex, which I am pretty sure you are, the answer is most certainly NO!

Yes i was SM.
I have found that lack of sexual relationship can make a couple even more emtionally distant - although i appreciate that this is the last thing you want with your H right now!!
Does H ever try for it?? IYSWIM

It is the last thing I feel like doing right now TBH Tess & I am not going to do it just to keep him happy!
He doesn't really try very hard either, although he occasionally complains that he has not had it for about 8 months (it has actually been more like 2 months!)
H's idea of 4 play has always been either him saying to me "Your going to get a bit later", or him getting into bed with no boxer shorts on, smelling of a combination of aftershave & mouth wash!!!

And yes, we are still having probs with our e-mails, but should be sorted by Wednesday!

Aftershave and Mouthwash - works for me