Stressedmummy is back on line at last!!!

[stressedmummy]

Thank goodness!
We have had loads of problems connecting back up to the internet & H was having a few little tantrums about it this morning, but I am now back!
He was not as cross as he could have been regarding the wine, because I think I have got rid of most of the stain. I am now banned from drinking red wine in the lounge!

What else happened?
(though heaven knows being interogated at dawn is pretty damn bad enough)
You must have been exhausted all day.

It wass all those inds of threads that were highlighted when he came down & I proved to him that I had not been on msn.
He is starting to really freak me out now.

See what happens to my typing when I am nervous!!!

Went to see my Nan after work & am really worried about her.

Oh no - what's the matter with your nan?

She has been to hospital today, don't know why & she couldn't explain properly (she's 84), but she says she has to have an operation & is in lots of pain.
She didn't seem to know why she is being operated on & I am fearing the worst.
My Mum went on holiday yesterday & I don't want to say anything to her until she gets home, so not to spoil her hols.
Feeling weepy as it was & didn't need him being all freaky with me again tonight.

Oh dear, that's very worrying, especially as you have no idea what is the matter. When is she going into hospital? At least she is getting some attention for whatever is causing her pain.

Does H know you are so worried about your Nan?

Yes he does.

Don't think she knows when she is going into hospital herself.

Guess I had better try & get some sleep now.
Thanks for being around Blu.

Very worrying, and a big pressure for you when your Mum is away. But as you say, not much point in calling your Mum about it, unless your nan actually gets called in to hopsital while she is away. And it may well be something fairly minor and instantly correctable anyway.

Have to go to bed, SM - hope you get more rest tonight. TRy not to worry about your nan too much. And don't worry about H at all. If he gives you grief just say 'don't you think I have enough to worry about with my Nan/'

x posted.

Night night

Right, now that it is safe to post, as he is very much aslleep & on the top floor, I will explain what happene last night properly, without worrying about being heard typing.
I had tried to go up & watch TV upstairs with him earlier in the evening, but he moaned about what I tried to watch, so I gave up & came down here, to go on the pc.
I was very careful, didn't sign into MSN & only posted on "safe" threads.
I had just happened to have finished posting on the thread "What have you done today", when he walked in & said "See, you are doing it again, I have caught you."
I said "Doing what?"
He said that I had stopped typing when he entered the room.
I explained that I had stopped typing because I had finished the post.
He demanded to know who I was talking to & checked that I wasn't signed into msn.
I showed him all the threads that were highlighted, to prove there was nothing bad, but he just kept saying "Look at you."
He then went on to sat "You know that I can tell what you have been on, because it's highlighted, don't you?"
Of course I knew this!
Then he went on to say how he saw an "I am so unhappy" type post the other night & then said "Well don't worry, you are not the only one who is not happy." & walked off.
It turned my stomach, because it proves that he was spying in me the other night & he is now even listning for the sound of me typing.
I was really upset last night, but maybe I was overreacting, because I was feeling so worried about my Nan.
Don't know if I should stop posting on here.
I really don't want to have to give up my support though, as you lot have really kept me going over the last few months & encouraged me to move ahead as far as I have.
My HV thinks it will be an idea for me to arrange to meet up with this woman & says if I am unsure, she will come along with me.
Think it is important that I give her a ring, as soon as I get a chance.

Excuse the dodgy spelling errors, such as aslleep!
I was trying to type as quickly & quietly as poss!

Babe he is getting way out of hand,not that he wasnt already but listening for you typing ffs!!!
Get speaking to the lady the hv told you about and get stuff sorted in your head,strength is power as i keep telling you and other will too,please do not stop posting as you really really need the support you are receiving hear,dont let him bully you any more than he has done,as you say he hasnt caught you at anything,so what can he say {{{{hugs}}}}

Thanks for the update and full picture, SM. I think the fact that he is still circling like a shark for blood means that he didn't actually get much to get his teeth into from whtever he saw the other night. He maybe got a little hint or taste, but not a fullpicture, and not this thread.

Maybe this is a bit of a crossroads. I can fully see why far might keep you away from MN, but I don't think you should stop posting because then he will have pulled you back under his control. I think the more healthy route is to use MN to gather strength, as Loobie says. If you are about to start finding out what your rights etc are, then MN can help you take the next steps - many people here have practical info and experience. Although I think it's good that you are gathering more RL friends and professionals who are aware of what is happening and can help one way or another.

If he can even say that he has been lookng at what you are up to, and feels he has the right to 'check' whether you are on MSN without being embarrassed about his actions, then he is very very far gone indeed in his outright abusive behaviour. I mean even women who have cast iron reasons to suspect outright infidelity are embarrassed that they have looked on their H's mobile or whatever! Your H assumes the right to police your every thought and action on no pretext whatsoever.

Sorry about all this, SM - hope you can get hold of your HV and get some support.

I hope you have a better day - concentrate on YOU, your future and your Nan.

XXX

er, 'why fear might keep you away from MN'

Loobie is right...way out of hand.

Just had a read to catch up with this thread. Feel so angry at this latest "spying" development. He wants to control every aspect of your life and i am sorry but i do not think he will rest until he grinds you right down and gets you to stop using the pc altogether. This is totally unacceptable - having to type quietly FFS!!! He is making you a NERVOUS WRECK SM!!!! If he is so unhappy why doesnt he just piss off then instead of trying to ruin your life. He has so many issues SM that he needs to sort out. Life with him is always going to be like this i fear. Sorry for the rant XXX Hope your nan is ok. If you need anything while your mum is away then you know where i amX

Stressedmummy that's awful, but I really hope you don't have to give up posting on here.

I think Blu has a very good point on his audacity to "police" you without getting embarrassed about it. It really is becoming a cat-and-mouse game.
Good luck. While you are doing nothing wrong posting here would be wrong in his eyes so can understand the feeling of guilt but time and the support and knowledge you can gain from MN will help you through this.

Thanks for all your messages.
I have just got back from work & he is safely out of the house ATM.
You are right, if I stop posting, then he has won.
I think he may be getting a hint that I am receiving support on here & wants to frighten me into stopping using MN & MSN.
I feel very freaked at the thought of him trying to look up what I have talked about on here & that is what panicked me into thinking I should stop posting.
I will not stop posting, but am going to start a new thread, as this one is not clearing easily, when I try & delete.
Haven't really spoken to him much today, as I still feel angry.
I was too scared to type much last night, Blu.
If he is unhappy with me, then I think he should s*d off!

Nice to see you back Tess!
Glad to see you are getting a little break in the day, for a spot on MN!

You poor thing SM. He treats you as though you have no freedom in your own home. It is not on! Feel angry for you.

That is how it feels Bugsy!
He obviously heard me typing last night & thought he would come down & catch me at something.
I wrote a letter to my HV this morning, confirming Monday.
It will have got to her via her ds's book bag!

That's it stressedmummy. Anger is an energy, as someone or other once said!