ALL NEW Road to Recovery for the Recently Ditched No. 6

[gettingeasier]

Cant survive 5 minutes without this thread

Armbow, pondering is part of the course . It does help with the healing/accepting/letting go I think. The flatness comes & goes but I guess you've just got to keep moving forward.

Patience, so glad to hear you're getting back eating & taking care of yourself. Curls will be fab

AB i have found focusing on how much of an arse piece my X is ,is helping regain my dignity ,ie my heart is catching up with my head.Not bitter and tummy feeling has gone,more like you sad fuckwit tosser basically,anyway away to look at more hair cuts ,going to restart daily manicure handcare project and foot care and shave my legs tomorrow but aim to make enough money to have wax and fake tan by xmas LOL,even if just me to see it ,i will practise thru the winter and look amazing by Spring LOL!

I think i am amazed at how many different emotions i can say the phrase,"You fucking bastard"laughing at himwith tearsragingand utter shame

been toying with this site for a soldier boy

Glad you've eaten today Patience you need your strength and it's great DS is enjoying the swimming, my DS1 wants to go too so am going to look into it for him

AB im trying to be friends with XP and it's just not working for me, so am going to be polite, keep small talk to a minimum and disapper and leave him to it, he keeps giving out mixed signals and its confusing me and hurting too, think you need to do what im going to do DETATCH!!!

MEN!!! only good for one thing.......if anyone can think what it is let me know will you lol cheers

You see that fortnight we got back together was the happiest i have known him in years because none of the things listed previously today were happening,he focused on me and dcs and he was genuinely a good bloke but hey the rest as they say is history ,after each episode i grow stronger and move further away and he spirals downwards ,i wish he could find peace and positivity ,loadof things he could do to seek help and change made habits but only me in his life to suggest it ATM as he chooses to surround himself with idiots.Missing so much with dcs so hope some survival technique kicks in soon for him for dcs sake.

Mmmm Army boy What did you think of her boots Sov ive never had a pair of boots like that in my life ,should i buy a pair will it change my life ?

i love her boots, used to have a pair very similar to them, think they came a bit higher up the calf though

And they definatley get you noticed, especially with a skirt on....wish i had sexy legs still...they probably are still sexy but 3 DC in 3 yrs had knocked my body confidence...got measured for a bra the other day and didnt believe her when she said i was a 34F was sure i was only a B cup possibly a C...dont think im seeing the same thing as everyone else sees

hey like the idea of an army boy

have you signed up

i also need to start eating healthy again. i am hardly eating and when i do it is rubbish food like takeaways and i need to drink more water.

Waves to everyone

Well had planned on going to town today to get an outfit for saturday night but once again XP has let me and the kids down

Since i set the rules 2 weeks ago he's done nothing but take the piss with the times he sees the DC and because i love him and want to keep him happy i've let him well today i declare NO MORE, i've had it!!

Every time he comes round, he chats to me more than them, if i go outside for a cig (dont smoke where the DC are) he comes out with me, the other day DD was on my lap and he was rubbing her foot then "accidently" rubbed my leg before realising what he was doing, all of this has drove me insane because i want him but he doesnt want me and every time he goes it kills me a little bit more
So yesterday i told him i wouldnt be around when he came anymore and he seemed a bit taken aback and i just said he knew why so disappeared while he had DC, when he left he said he would be here 2 till 4 today (as agreed) so i thought brilliant i'll go get something for saturday night, got myself ready at half 1, rang him to say dont be late cos the bus is at 5 past 2 only to be told he wouldnt be here then as he had running around to do (which could be left till tomorrow or should have been done weeks ago) i think he fully expected to be able to turn up when he wanted, stay as long as he liked and i wouldnt say anything but he pissed me off cos it ruined my plans AGAIN
After i got off the phone i thought about it and text him saying if he wasnt here by 3.30 then dont bother coming because its not worth it for less than half an hour so far no reply but i am sticking firm

Am sick of him manipulating me because he knows i still love him so thats it it's not just about messing the DC around, i cant plan anything because he's too unpredictable and i also think he couldnt come today as arranged because he knew i would go out and leave him with them alone, if he doesnt come till late i cant go anywhere apart from upstairs so if he needs me all he's gotta do is shout up the stairs (i fell asleep yesterday but rather than send DS1 up to wake me he came himself, wtf)

So no more MR NICE GUY from here on in he either sticks to the arrangements or can go F* himself quite frankly, he doesnt love me anymore fine but hes not going to play me anymore it doesnt matter how nicely he asks or how sad he sounds or how guilty i feel cause the DC havent seen him as far as im concerned if he's that bothered he will stick to the agreement and if he doesnt well his loss then

ahhh rant over :o feel better now lol

So i have long straight brown hair just past my shoulders, it's very thick and patiences post about curls got me thinking, i want curls but not small tight ones can you get perms for bigger curls dont have time to sit using tongs and stuff so want permanent, anyone with any ideas please share them with me :o also debating wether to get my fringe cut back in, it makes me look really young (i look young anyway, even been i.d'd for cigs lol) oh and i also dont normally wear make up but think i will be experimenting soon :o

it's time to start feeling good about myself and trying to see f i can get any "perks"

Read alot about velcro rollers for big curls Sov prob worth a try ,perms can wreck your hair condition and then fall out anyway but prob do strand test at hairdressers .def going to get classic high heeled boot for the winter with black pencil skirt ,need a tight blouse for the top ,never have any luck with the cut of blouses so end up wearing stretchy .Anyway Sov i think they all want their cake and eat it and when their not getting enough attention in the real world they come back to see us for an ego stroke because they know we love them,i think its a really needy immature side ,all abusing our love for them.Stay as tough as you can re boundaries.But i am now working on myself again rather than thinking about him and its really refreshing.Esp the boots !
Spoke to an old farmer today re X and he said re Xs pub friends,"If you follow the sheep ,you'll end up being a goat "I said ur right ,thats it,dead simple he's a fecking goat !

How do you explain to young DC why daddy doesnt live here anymore and why he says he'll come visit then doesnt show up??? grrr

Dont know the answer to that Sov i try and be as honest as possible but keeping it age appropriate IYSWIM.
Dd used to get very worried about where daddy was though and i said he was a bit mixed up but he was safe and thinking of dcs.I also say to X when he is at his worst that the kids need stability and any stress he gives me will go to them so not to do it ,even if he is not living with us he musnt upset our worlds anymore than necessary.
Just for the record though i was singing today and dd said "that is why our daddy left mummy because of your singing !"

Dont know the answer to that Sov i try and be as honest as possible but keeping it age appropriate IYSWIM.
Dd used to get very worried about where daddy was though and i said he was a bit mixed up but he was safe and thinking of dcs.I also say to X when he is at his worst that the kids need stability and any stress he gives me will go to them so not to do it ,even if he is not living with us he musnt upset our worlds anymore than necessary.
Just for the record though i was singing today and dd said "that is why our daddy left mummy because of your singing !"

that did make me chuckle patience, children are so innocent

I tried talking to XP to tell him how it is effecting the DC and what he needs to do but all to no avail

what does everyone think of
this

Hello all am back from my travels !

Been reading the thread everyone sounds much more up beat today

Curls. This has been talked about before in the context of straightning them (still havent used my irons)so it made em smile to see people lovin' their curls!

Sov dont you effectively need straight hair to achieve those looks you gave link to ? They are gorgeous but I fear my hair is too curly and thick to get that tousled look , I am just likely to end up looking like I have been pulled through a hedge backwards !

Maybe as part of the meet up those dumplings skilled in matters of the hair could pass on tips, we could dedicate part of the day to a makeover

Joking apart I have decided after the last 3 months of over eating and drinking I want to smarten back up. The first few months after he left I was in good shape and dressing well and just generally feeling and looking better than I had in a while. However that all went into decline at the start of the summer and I am back in my bigger clothes and looking a bit careworn (Sov at id for cigs].Now its just starting to make me feel a bit fed up and I want to nip in bud before I get out of control.

Chairmum yep I guess you go forward you go back and in 3 years if I think about exh for more than 0.4 seconds a week I will be furious !

Starting I agree with what you said about needing some positivity on the thread and doing that practical/emotional step thing. When I post tomorrow I will be thinking along those lines.

Well I just had a break with my oldest friend and her 3 dc in Wales staying at her Mums for 4 days. It poured with rain the whole time but that was ok, the dc get on so well and we just sort of hung out,shopped ate and drank. I have been so lucky with her as a friend she just melds us into their family so much and at key times like asking us up on Mothers Day for lunch and today inviting us for Christmas without discussions about how I dread those times she just knows. I am sooo lucky with my support .

Likewise she dropped us home and dc legged it to find their mates and I am sitting on my own considering feeling sorry for myself because I have nobody to tell my news to when another fab friend turns up saying dc are at hers so she came down to say hello and so dumplings I must focus on what I DO have in my life not what I wish was there.

I have been feeling so weird last few days , like my life belongs to someone else , like this is going to stop at some stage and everyone will laugh and say do you remember when you were on your own for a while. I know I sound crazy

and I cant explain it at all except it isnt raw or stomach churning just odd. Starting ? Patience ? Any similar experience ?

Anyway hows everyone else ?

Hair looks fab sov !
Just think re ur dcs dad ,keep repeating the same message calmly everytime you feel the need .
Trying for the clean break myself this time think it really is going to happen and im quite excited about my new life tbh.
Feeling a new positive life ahead of me but i think i will go for a straight bob 2morrow and leave the curls for another stage of rejuvenation ,not brave enough for a hair disaster yet LOL!

I think Getting we have been pushed so far out of our comfort zone that a drift back into our married "RUT" how ever surreal it maybe is like our mind offering us a cuddle ,i think my Xs new emotional affair{or otherwise} with someone half his age has made me realise what he truly wants from life ,no strings ,no hassle and completely irresponsible ,do what he wants when he wants ,so important i stay calm now or he will paint me as unstable ,he is truly living a fantasy world ,i on the other hand have more than my fair share of reality to deal with ATM.But I think my hair appointment tomorrow may be the turning point i need and then maybe in a couple of months i will get a night out and have some fun x

Our mind offering us a cuddle - that is genius Patience really set my imagination rioting !!

I just find i dont get that feeling as much these days ,so i think subconciously my mind is starting to believe my situation ,this is a huge step for my healing .If all i have to deal with is a bruised ego i will be able to move on so much quicker,i cant dwell on his life now ,would only be negative ,i have to work on my own new life and believe it is all for the best.My kids and me will survive this and know he just wasnt meant to play a leading role in our lives ,more of an extra and not a very good one at that x

I think also Getting {Grace explained this on another thread }is our brains form pathways ,habits,that we do automatically ,so we have paths taking our thoughts to some same destinations day after day,sometimes these paths are wrong like in the case of addiction but our brain keeps repeating the same thought process.Sometimes I'll take a left when im driving cos thats where i go everyday ,even when im meant to be turning right IYSWIM.So if you have been in a relationship for a long time I guess sometimes we still go down the same paths even when the relationship is over.Our Xs on the other hand started to change their thought patterns long before we ever found out.We have to gradually change ours ,build new patterns,build new pathways,i guess sometimes our thoughts travel down an old pathway and we are left thinking where did that come from.If we get distressed and need help staying on our new path ,i guess thats where counselling comes into it,these people can help us to stop repeating the old and give us skills to build new roads.Help us to keep driving on a road that is better suited to us and give us more confidence to choose which way to go,stop us staying in a dead end and offer us a free choice at each junction x

Getting, think that feeling is to do with your brain/body recovering from trauma of separation. Think Patience sums it up well at 23.30. Glad you've got good friends there for you.

Patience, hair sounds like a fab idea & glad you're feeling more positive.

Soverign, oh I am so that you would be asked for id for cigs! I am well past that . Curls look fab. Defo think you need firm boundaries with your xp, either he turns up at time he's meant to or not at all. Some men will always push the boundaries if they can get away with it, yours sadly sounds like one of those types!

Well think I need to get grooming & polish up my act a bit. Will have more time when dc's are back at school. I threw in a packet of olay daytime glow (moisturiser & makeup)today doing the shopping for experimental purposes. Figured it's been so long since I wore make up at this stage that I need a gradual move back rather that the overwhelming chalange of putting on full make up each day!

Patience the one thing I love about winter is boots . I have a collection . I love wearing knee high boots with a heel, leggings & dress type top. V yummy mummy & stylish .

Think i will def try the boots Startin' got short high heel ankle ones ,but knee high ones would be so much fun.Proper business woman thing LOL!Would love a nice dress too,olay sounds fab x

Dresses on sale here for anyone interested

Oops here's link dresses

Patience - you're very wise about thus stuff. The things you wrote about habit make such sense to me!

I'm loving the grooming going on around here! I've got my hair appointment on Saturday and am going shopping for some new knee high boots with my friend the week after so I'm feeling good on that score, and have a few health and fitness plans brewing :-)
I try to wear a little makeup every day but keep it light with just concealer, tinted moisturiser and a bit of mascara most days. Just makes me look a little more awake!

Anyway Anya has just finished feeding ao it's time to go back to sleep before these lovely sleepy BF hormones wear off!