Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Struggling to accept DP sisters will not accept our dd

286 replies

MCDL · 24/07/2010 10:05

DD now 4.2, although after some time dd is now accepted by Grandmother and brothers, sisters continue to want to have nothing to do with her. They are close to DP children 18 and 23, who also continue to dis own her. Finding it difficult to accept this. Feel if they took the lead, dp's children would follow. Feel they using dp's children as an excuse to continue this ridiculous behaviour .... Any advice ....

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:07

yeah you did, you said that his mother was very kind to you etc.

a good wife and mother would have told DP that his plan for the presents would backfire on DD, and that the canny thing to do would be to say thank you.

i think you're at it, here, tbh.

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 21:08

Maybe therein lies the problem, dp family wants me to want to have a relationship with them ... the same want i want for my dd ...

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:09

? do they?

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 21:10

DP mother is very kind to me and accepting of our dd ... this has come in time out of respect for her son and her grand daughter.

OP posts:
mankyscotslass · 27/07/2010 21:11

Ok, I need to be blunter.

Expect nothing from the family but what they are prepared to give you and your dd.

You did an awful lot of damage and to expect them to, after just a few years, be ok with that, is frankly delusional.

You clearly are expecting them to drop everything according to your timesacale, and have a relationship with your dd.

Which under the circumstances is misguided at best.

But I remember the other threads you posterd now, and I think you were told the same then,

Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:16

"dp family wants me to want to have a relationship with them ... the same want i want for my dd ... "

i don't understand this.

greatest respect and all that but are you sure you don't have asperger's or something? i really don't say that to be rude (really, so apols in advance if i have offended) but you just seem so untuned to how human beings are.

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 21:17

WE expect nothing and want nothing from the adults (her 2 aunts) that continue to dis own our dd. DP children excluded of course, in time hopefully they will acknowledge their half sister. My thread was that I was finding it hard to accept this, this is now accepted ....

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:17

btw 'out of respect for son and gd'. isn't the emotion more likely to be love? sons can do a lot of bad stuff before their mothers stop loving them.

Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:18

but they DIDN'T disown her, one of them was going and spending her own money on presents for your child...

i think you're a bad egg.

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 21:20

Yes they do .. they have said they want nothing to do with dd. They have been asked maybe twice per year since she was born. The reply is no ...

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:21

why was one of them buying her presents, do you think?

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 21:24

To recognise that she exsisted.. It was not the first one, but because dd is now 4 and asks for this aunt, we thought it was appropriate not to accept gifts on her behalf anymore that it was time she came to say hello to her and give it herself. Meet DP and dd for lunch, whatever suited ...

OP posts:
mankyscotslass · 27/07/2010 21:26

TBH, I think the gists were a chance for you to keep the door open. You may not like it, but you blew it.

Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:26

to recognise she existed? what does that mean?

Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:27

(blew it on purpose imo msl)

QueenofDreams · 27/07/2010 21:30

You keep repeating that you have a right to be happy - fair enough, but here's the problem. You are basically saying you won't be happy unless they play happy families with your DD - as though no hurt has happened there.

The simple fact is that, to them, your DD is most likely a reminder that their dad ditched them to set up a new family with someone else. You cannot expect them to put their feelings and happiness aside just to make your perfect little happy family illusion come true.

Gonesouth · 27/07/2010 21:35

? But your DP HAD a relationship with his family - he can't turn the clock back then bolt on a new bit.

Perhaps the one with the headache about all of this is your DP. He may want the relationships you mention; the others involved may not. When you chose to have this child together, you must have known that it cemented your relationship, but also sounded a death-knell to his marriage. You have to deal with that and stop blaming others for not wanting to be part of what you have now.

You are clearly aware of the hurt you caused and are feeling your own version of that now. There are no good outcomes from these situations - perhaps only a slight easing with time.

What goes around, comes around.

mankyscotslass · 27/07/2010 21:52

Yes, you and he need to accept you have messed up his dc from his marriage, and potentially your dd if you continue to force the issue.

Aitch · 27/07/2010 21:58

do you have aspy's, OP? i'm only asking again because i've (rather rudely) asked three times now and i'm reading something into the fact that you haven't answered, when it's perhaps that you just missed the question or forgot to say no. iykwim?

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 22:06

I have ignored your question aitch ...

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/07/2010 22:10

so is that a no, then?

Original poster
MCDL · 27/07/2010 22:27

I do not have aspergers but guess I am very hurt living within this mess, as all other parties are also. We will persue relationships with aunts no longer and continue to build bridges with the ones that have accepted dd. We will keep the door open for dp's children when or if they want to recognise their sister..

OP posts:
Aitch · 27/07/2010 22:29

keep the door open for all of them...

clam · 27/07/2010 22:33

I have to say that, if my father had left my mother for another woman and then subsequently had another child, I would not regard that child as my sibling. Sorry.
It seems likely that your DH's children feel the same way.

ZZZenAgain · 30/07/2010 10:52

how are you doing MC? Are you alright?