Write The Archers One Line At A Time

[PseudoBadger]

Do it like the professionals do it

Toby: I heard that that Helen woman bludgeoned him half to death with a wheel of cheese?

Cut to Brighton Pier. Frilly - suspended perilously over the sea by Kate and Maurice.

Rex holding phone : TELL US what you've done with our merchandise! Look, I'm a reasonable guy - not like Toby - but this is serious. If you don't talk - I'm calling your teachers. Dyou think you can ever go home if your lovely Mum hears that you both cheated in your mocks?

Lynda: Well hello there Shula. What a lovely day. Yes, yes Scruff...settle down. I simply don't know what's got into him. We've just been for a walk past Berrow Farm and he simply wouldn't stop barking at one of those silos. Honestly, you'd think there was a dead body in there the way he was carrying on . Anyway, must dash. The christmas pantomime won't organise itself you know!

Justin: You know Lillian I've been feeling a bit lonely since I arrived here in Ambridge. Miranda? Well she just refuses to move here. Looking after her sick father you know. You're like a breath of fresh air to me.

Scene change. Distressed Lynda:
Oh Robert. It's dreadful. Oh how could this have happened. The stone carving has arrived. ....and I chose the font so carefully. How could this have happened?

Robert: Lyndy darling?

Lynda: it says....oh it's too awful...it says INSURGENT.

Nigel (contd.). Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Sheila: Must dash as well, Lynda, I ''ve converted to Catholicism and I'm on my way to my first confession.

Lillian: pour me a large g&t darhhhling, and we can talk more...

Shula: Bless me Father, for I have sinned.....

Justin: I do love you in that yellow dress Lillian. Most fetching.

(That should have said Shula. She was being a bit slow to catch on as well that Lynda had left, as she was wondering where Alistair was)

Justin: When I see you with your boy, what's his name, James? Well, I wonder what it must be like to have a son

Lillian: Oh Tiger.... sorry... Wrong rakish husband

Lillian: That's not yellow, Justin, those are tobacco stains. (Cough, cough, cough). Pour me another G&T.

Pat: Did I miss EVERYTHING? Again?!

Village Shop

George: Can I have £10 worth of gobstoppers please?

Susan: Of course George. Here's your £40 change

Jennifer: Justin, Lillian there you are. I have just made a mirage of quail on a jersey of spinach with pomegranate juggle in my lovely new kitchen. You simply must join us.

Brian (trips): For God's sake Jenny, can't you ask your sister to pick up her bra off the stairs?

Adam: Ian have you seen Helen lately. You know, my cousin? Helen? Makes a lovely stirfry? And why are you stabbing that postcard from Charlie (is my darling)?

Lillian: Ooooh, look - Kate's just texted a photo of the beach. Says she's having a wonderful time and has raised enough money to double the size of the yurt retreat. What a clever girl!

Elizabeth: I hope you don't mind me asking but, well, and sorry if this sounds insensitive, but em, well, was Helen on the shortlist for Borsetshire Businesswoman of the Year? I mean, I don't know why I'm asking really. Just that, I dunno, do I have a better chance if she's 'out of the picture' so to speak? Actually, sorry, sorry. That's terribly wrong of me. Forget I said anything.

Elizabeth (sotto voce) I'll just get my new manager to make sure Helen is definitely disqualified ...

Emma: Fallon thinks we should probably make up some packed lunches. You know. To sell on a stall at number 1, the Green. There's so many newspaper people camping out there at the minute. She thinks we'll make a killing. We're so lucky Ed. You 'n me. This is everything I've ever dreamed of.

INSURGENT

Bravo!

Tom (on phone): Kirsty. Hi. It's me. I was wondering. Since you've got some time off work right now, how'd you fancy helping me out on the catering van. I know it's all going down up here but I can't afford to neglect the sausages. It'll be just like old times. Maybe you'd like to go for a drink after?