Would moving to a very rural dream home be a mistake?

[bluejumperoo]

Seen a beautiful house over the weekend, literally my dream home. Only problem is it’s rural. So rural that no Amazon or takeaway deliveries. There’s a little shop. And it’s a tourist area so some parts of the year it won’t be so empty. A small restaurant around the corner but windy scary country pitch black lanes to navigate…

would I be crazy to entertain it. I’m 40 as is my dh with a 13 yo who also loved the house. School is actually 10 mins away and dc will be starting there from September hence us even entertaining it seriously tbh. . Most dc get a bus to the school as it’s out the way, but as the house is really big I’m hoping as dc friends get older they can all come to stay at ours (there’s a whole floor of extra guest bedrooms) and once dc goes off to uni I’m also hoping they can bring their friends back as it has a big cinema room, pool plus it’s in a rural tourist area so hoping that’s an attraction to help ensure we’re not left alone forever once dc has flown the nest. We had been looking for a generic family home until this one came along. Our only dc is close to us and I’m also thinking one day they might come back with their family to live as the house is big and Id love for that to happen so dc and future family doesn’t have to work as hard as we did. Saying that they’d have to wfh!

one big concern is that no one comes to visit us. We do throw massive parties once or twice a year and usually have big gatherings etc I’m hoping people can come and stay but not always possible. I have lots of hobbies that mean being happily at home so I do believe I’d be pretty happy but don’t want to turn into some mad cat lady at the same time!

I think im part mad and part on the verge of offering. Help talk me down out my ideas of being queen of the Manor House 😂

It would be a no from me. Whilst the house may be your dream house you are going to have to spend the next few years ferrying your daughter everywhere. My experience of teens is that as they get older they want to visit town, go to the cinema etc, all of which you will need to facilitate with lifts.
I lived somewhere remote (not as rural as this) and had to pay £££ for any kind of delivery. So furniture, white goods etc not to mention normal on line shopping. Also have to wait days for delivery. It was also a pain if you wanted to go out for dinner or the theatre. Whilst that’s not something we do an awful lot of, it’s still nice to have the option without having to make everything a weekend away, long trip home etc.
If you’re sure you can adjust to the lifestyle then go for it but I would think long and hard. You would also need to be super organised as no access to local shop (except during tourist season) for things you may forget. These things seem easy to give up until you do then realise how much you value them.

Go back to the house and see how you feel second time around.

I live rurally. I love it

No Amazon? Or Ocado? How's the mobile signal? Starlink?

You have pretty much described the house we recently bought, although we can get Amazon!
We love it, zero regrets, we are already booked up with people coming to visit and we’ve got room for everyone.
It’s peaceful and glorious and I wouldn’t change a thing.

What an opportunity. Drive to it a few times at different times of day including when darker and see how it feels.

sounds ideal for you how exciting!

Think lifestyle, not just house, does it suit your lifestyle , do you like being all together ‘a lot’ - no just nipping into town to get some space apart etc or nipping to Sainsbury’s - an awful lot of ferrying around if you have a teen that suddenly doesn’t want to be around ‘a lot’ - an amazing house suddenly isn’t amazing if the other things don’t fit and the novelty wears off - I’m not saying don’t go for it but tho k on the the other things , personalities, stuff you like doing etc

Are you sure about no Amazon? We have a house that's extremely rural and at the end of a mile-long unmade track but no issue getting Amazon delivered.

I would do this if I was younger!

I would make a list of essentials for daily life and look at how you are going to access things like:

• GP, dentist and a hospital in case of emergency
• A supermarket
• A post office
• Sporting/leisure activities
• a vet if you have pets
• a garage if you have trouble with your car
• local tradespeople if you need work done on the house
• how good the internet is
• would you be able to find new jobs if you were to lose your current ones and would the commute become an issue.

Basically look at the basics and how close a nearby town might be for what you need and you can make it work then go for it!

How do you feel about having to manage a septic tank? Oil central heating? A back-up generator?

I thought you could get Amazon anywhere!

I live remotely in Suffolk. No takeaways, no taxi's and no restaurants nearby, although there are a couple of good pubs within a 10 mins drive. But you do have to drive everywhere.

You do get used to it, and I have lived remotely now for 25yrs. Occasionally though I would love to get a takeaway, but no such luck.

I used to have big family parties, and when I moved I thought they would continue, but after a few years it became too much effort I think for everyone to trek over to us, and they stopped. We did feel very isolated in the end.

Definite yes from me!

Sounds amazing ☺️

Go back and view in the dark. I always remember my mum saying she’d feel so scared looking out if there were fields behind and no neighbours. I’ve always felt the same. Also if no neighbours opposite I’d be worried about being burgled. I would never feel comfortable that remote, I’d never be able to relax, especially coming home to an empty, big house. Tbf my mum’s from Walthamstow and I live in a flat in Highbury ( in the middle of the Arsenal parade route).
Not sure you could ever watch a horror film there! Although if you could afford a live-in housekeeper with a mysterious past that may help - worth asking, maybe she’s inherited with the house 😉

I wouldn’t. As someone else said, you will spend all of your time driving your teen around. Not only is it a burden on your time, it means that the teen won’t have any independence.

I lived semi-rural as a teen and hated it for that reason. My DD is now a teen and we live in an area that’s borderline urban/suburban and it’s so much better. Everything is right on our doorstep, within basically a 2km radius we have all of her friends, school, dance studio (and plenty of other activities if she was that way inclined, but she’s all about dance!), gyms, beach, mall, cinema, shops, more cafes and restaurants than I could count. Lots of things are walking distance, if they’re not then we have great public transport, or it’s only a very quick drive.

It’s a nice idea that you are thinking that you have space to accommodate lots of people, but my experience of living rural is that lots of people won’t want to make the trip, particularly teens who are dependent on their friends for a ride.

It wouldn't be for me - I like having doctor/dentist/hospital/vet/cinema/theatre and trains to London close by.

If it's in Kent, there's no Uber either ...

I'd go for it but be prepared for your dc to prefer spending time elsewhere as they age. A pool etc will only provide entertainment for a while, maybe early teens but once college or such starts they will want to be among friends in more urban settings for nights out, shopping, just hanging around together. Have you lived rurally before? I have mostly lived in the countryside (not UK), apart from 4 years in a small village, the village was fine but I hated living in a housing estate even with food delivery etc. You are looking at how to make it work for the future, dc living there with their own family but to be honest I think this is a bit silly, there's no way to know if they'll want to, if they end up with a partner who will want to live with in-laws, if they will even be in the same country never mind county in a few years. Will the house work for you after the dc have moved on? If yes, go for it as long as you are prepared to facilitate the demands of having teenagers in a rural setting, lots of driving them to sports, friends, nights out, late night driving (the windy roads you mentioned) collecting them afterwards. If you expect people to visit I'd say you'll be disappointed, once effort is required visits particularly ones that require any more than a short drive will be few and far between. Now, on the other hand if you're like me everything I mentioned will be a bonus!! I love country life, prefer just having dh and I most of the time, the solitude suits me, having space eases my mind and I'm far more relaxed without regular visitors but its not for everyone.

Is there really no Amazon? I love rurally and my mum loves even more rurally, so yes no takeaway but Amazon and Tesco/Sainsburys etc all deliver. There is no school/shop/restaurant anywhere near so yours doesn’t sound so remote.

Your DC is old enough to contribute to the discussion about whether to move and how life would feel living there. Having lived somewhere like that I would move but you all need to be aware of the situation before moving.

Ah yes - there’s me worrying about escaped convicts and ghosts 🤣

It would be a yes from me! I’d need to drive though. You’d have to drive everywhere.

If it’s a tourist area I’m surprised there’s no Amazon or deliveries. Where is it?

well I live semi rurally now with oil and septic tank so already used to that (but if a pain but can handle!). Im also the resident teen taxi service and that won’t change anyway. Already about 1.5 hour round trip to the cinema everyone goes to. It’s ok though.

The house has a back up generator with the sale. Emergency services would be an issue I reckon. No hospital overly close by.

going in the dark is a good idea. We have some street lights where we currently live and this house wouldn’t. Dc wants to move because it’s so big they can basically have room for their hobbies which currently involve creating large sculptures. Don’t ask 😂

It’s a yes from me, but I don’t care if I don’t see or speak to people from one end of a week to the next.

Definitely not. Your teen might like the house but he might not enjoy being entirely dependent on you for lifts. Teens need to learn independence and I don’t think living thst rurally will allow that

I live rurally. Ime older teens hate it. Until they can drive it’s isolating, school catchments can be huge so their friends can live many miles away. They get bored and lonely. It’s obviously better once they can drive, but country lanes and new drivers can be stressful, plus the rules coming in for new drivers not driving late at night etc, will make a difference. My biggest worry though is that the nearest hospital is an hour away and that’s in good weather.

I would also think about whether this is your forever home and what will happen as you age and might need more access to healthcare.

If I was younger and fully healthy I would literally want to live somewhere fully rural in Scotland where I can be left on my own with lots of pets :).

But because I am older and have had some health issues I moved instead to a small seaside town in the south east with good access to countryside as well because I still can have good access to all amenities, hospital and trains.