Would moving to a very rural dream home be a mistake?

[bluejumperoo]

Seen a beautiful house over the weekend, literally my dream home. Only problem is it’s rural. So rural that no Amazon or takeaway deliveries. There’s a little shop. And it’s a tourist area so some parts of the year it won’t be so empty. A small restaurant around the corner but windy scary country pitch black lanes to navigate…

would I be crazy to entertain it. I’m 40 as is my dh with a 13 yo who also loved the house. School is actually 10 mins away and dc will be starting there from September hence us even entertaining it seriously tbh. . Most dc get a bus to the school as it’s out the way, but as the house is really big I’m hoping as dc friends get older they can all come to stay at ours (there’s a whole floor of extra guest bedrooms) and once dc goes off to uni I’m also hoping they can bring their friends back as it has a big cinema room, pool plus it’s in a rural tourist area so hoping that’s an attraction to help ensure we’re not left alone forever once dc has flown the nest. We had been looking for a generic family home until this one came along. Our only dc is close to us and I’m also thinking one day they might come back with their family to live as the house is big and Id love for that to happen so dc and future family doesn’t have to work as hard as we did. Saying that they’d have to wfh!

one big concern is that no one comes to visit us. We do throw massive parties once or twice a year and usually have big gatherings etc I’m hoping people can come and stay but not always possible. I have lots of hobbies that mean being happily at home so I do believe I’d be pretty happy but don’t want to turn into some mad cat lady at the same time!

I think im part mad and part on the verge of offering. Help talk me down out my ideas of being queen of the Manor House 😂

Sounds amazing! Where in the UK (which county) is it? Makes me tempted to consider rural.

I drove my DCs around a lot as children and pre teens and teens. But it changed a lot once they got a bit older (16 to early 20s), they’re out most of the time, until very late at night sometimes. The driving is now impractical so my son uses a bike or the bus, or stays with friends in the area they’re going out in.

Even though the house is big, with pool etc, often older teenagers want to be out and about at pubs or gigs, or simply away from their parents to have privacy. My son and his friends often rotate where they are based on whose parents are away (they like having a free house to themselves).

The house sounds amazing but don’t underestimate how much things will change as your DC gets older. Do you really want to be doing 2am drives to collect from parties?

Well, for those of us that live rurally (with no other deliveries, or indeed no local shops), Amazon is usually the one company we can rely on for essentials. That is why some of us can't really get our heads around a place where Amazon doesn't deliver to (especially one with a shop and a nearby school), and that sounds like kind of a pain and would make life more difficult.

Amazon makes my rural life a bit easier. Were I to live somewhere with better infrastructure, I would probably not need to use it, so no need for bafflement or alarm!

But then, I love where I live, so, you know, thems the breaks.

Yes I live quite rurally so Amazon delivering pretty much everything is a god send. Saves me having to catch a train or drive to the nearest town. If I lived nearer shops it probably wouldn’t be as important a service.

I also live rurally. I just go and get what I need once or twice a week in the nearest town (25 minute drive or bus). Aside from groceries, I just shop for things in larger towns of cities when I am there. Maybe actual local shops and services would be viable to run if people didn't run headlong into the arms of convenience (and especially Amazon).

I don’t go to town once or twice a week. I haven’t been to town in well over a month maybe two.

In my dreams, I'd love the kind of house/lifestyle you're describing!
In reality, I know after a while I'd find it far too isolating/annoying. Flooding risk, mud, narrow twisty country lanes, no shops, no pub/restaurant, muck spreading, farm machinery on the roads..lack of community.
Also, I'd be very wary of a 13 year old saying ok to the move now. A 15 year old may feel very differently.
There's a reason the majority of kids leave rural areas.
Also, it sounds a very large house for 3. I appreciate you like hosting but buying a massive house to host 2 x a year seems short sighted.

@bluejumperooit sounds like finances aren’t a consideration and that you have plenty money.

if that’s the case I’d be tempted to give it a go.

if it doesn’t work out, just move again.

if money was tight and two lots of moving costs / stamp duty etc would wipe you out, having to move again would be more disastrous / difficult.

Go for it. But beware a house that size is a full time job to maintain. You have to love doing it and be prepared for never ending bills and managing a small army of gardeners, cleaning ladies and handymen.

Our teens love it, and look forward to coming back to the country with their uni friends. There is no flooding risk! Very little traffic at all, the lanes are beautiful and the environment is bucolic, healthy and offers a wonderful quality of life. I could never live anywhere else.

Agree with this

Buy your dream very small cottage but, keep a foothold in a town with very frequent transport connections, supermarket, doctors, vet etc if possible. Otherwise purchase a property on the very edge of habitation with all the facilities. Have been an agent and see a lot of very rural properties back on the market within a short time because of the lifestyle. Mostly, most people who have been brought up in rural circumstances know what they are buying. Townies/village dwellers are chasing a dream that turns into their nightmare. That is a very expensive experience.

Buy your dream very small cottage but, keep a foothold in a town with very frequent transport connections, supermarket, doctors, vet etc if possible

By "keep a foothold in a town", are you suggesting the OP should own two properties?

If so, way to double their outgoings and add to the existing housing shortage for no valid reason!

No Amazon? Where has no Amazon! Must be in the highlands

It's almost inevitable you will need more health care in your old age. At the same time as you need more care, you will very possibly no longer be able to drive. This may not happen but it's statistically very likely. Certainly it's true for my mother. You just need to think about how you'd cope. Can you get taxis to a nearby hospital and gp surgery, for example? Will you be happy getting online groceries? Will a cleaner be available? And so on.

Can we see 👀

One possible benefit of living rurally is belonging to a ‘dispensing surgery’. When we visit the doctor, we leave with any medication which is prescribed, not a paper prescription to take to a pharmacy elsewhere - and if they don’t have what we need, they’re always very quick to order it in.

Yes we have a dispensing surgery here. The only downside is that we therefore have no chemist at which to buy over the counter stuff. Our nearest chemist is a 65 mile round trip.

The idea that rural living is "isolating" doesn't tally with my long experience.
My village is a thriving community in every possible way with all you could wish for and vibrant whatsapp groups where things are swapped, the many events flagged up, requests for help posted, jokes shared etc.

If I want theatre or any other arts event - it is 30 minutes away, and an hour away is a theatre that gets the West End live shows/plays first. About an hour away by train is a wonderful concert hall. I don't think these distances are a big deal in the scheme of things.

And walks, climbs and other outdoor activities are on our doorstep.

Schools tend to be smaller and give the children a more personal and tailored experience.

My DDs loved being here and have chosen to bring their own children up rurally too.

It is not all gloom and doom and Cold Comfort Farm!

How will your daughter get around? Is there a bus?

Oh yes from me

How rural is it? 2 hours to the nearest town would be a no from me...30 minutes would be fine. Especially if you can plan for driving lessons for the dc when they turn 17, maybe a 2nd car when they get their test.

And if you are only 40...honestly you could like there for 20-30 years before downsizing to somewhere less rural for your later years. Room for grandkids to visit etc...it does sound like a fun place

Most country dwellers do not "downsize to somewhere less rural for their later years" - they stay within their communities.

That's a bit different for people born and brought up in the countryside who've remained in the community their family are from, than the OP proposing to move somewhere she has no connections, in her 40s.
Additionally she's not moving to a village but to an extremely large detached house some distance from the "nearest village" with it's own paddock or fields from all the descriptions.
She's going to have to work very hard indeed to become genuinely part of a community in that context, and will never really be a local.

Sounds like absolute heaven to me. The life I grew up with and would have loved to do the same for my kids. Don't be put off by the city dwellers who can't imagine life without everything instant gratification and on the doorstep. It doesn't sound like a huge change from how you live now, just with more space to grow into.

My mum (83) still lives in a big house with septic tank, oil heating etc, and a dispensing surgery. In the South East under 10 miles from Reading, not the middle of nowhere. This set up really isn't that uncommon outside of major conurbations.