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Original poster

Request from relatives of old owners to see the house - WWYD?

246 replies

MN2025 · 19/10/2025 14:25

We purchased our forever home earlier this year and ever since we have been refurbishing the property to make it how we want it!

We had a letter arrive in the post the other day from the daughter of the previous owners (she was the executor as was a probate property) and has asked if she can come with her family to see the property for sentimental reasons.

I’m half inclined to say yes… but half inclined to say no. I know people will say ‘it’s your house, do what you want’ but to be honest, the property looks completely different to how it was when we first picked up the keys that it wouldn’t be recognisable so the sentimental value wouldn’t really be there and I personally think they just want to be ‘nosey’ and see what we’ve done to it….
Secondly, they were awkward throughout the sale process to the point we nearly pulled out and they had left a loft full of junk plus other items when we had specifically said ‘vacant possession’

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Advocodo · 19/10/2025 18:36

NO!!!!!!!

Papyrophile · 19/10/2025 18:38

We sent a letter to the new owner of a house that was a significant part of our childhood asking if we could spread our DM's ashes on the edges. The new owners were incredibly generous and welcoming, in fact totally lovely.

Ilovechocolatelimesandsherbertlemons · 19/10/2025 18:38

I was, allowed to go round the house my mum and grandma were brought up in, which was built by my great grandfather. It did look very different, but I still remembered the house really well from being a child. It was so special to me and I was really grateful to the owners. I did give them some photos and history of the house in exchange. I am a keen family historian and these things mean a lot to me, I love to go round looking at where my ancestors lived. I don't think it's an odd request at all. The only thing that would put me off is when you said they'd been awkward, but I think I would still let them come. You don't know the circumstances behind that.

cgwdwnmi · 19/10/2025 18:39

Good decision OP.
It would be a no from me too.
Of course it's hard selling the family home but you have to say goodbye to it on the day the sale is complete and from then on it lives on in your memory.
Once new people move in and redecorate (or as in the case of my family home, completely redesign the entire layout), it's no longer your home, looks nothing like your home and is likely to upset (if you're genuine about wanting to see it for sentimental reasons).
So, no.
Anyway I think they are just being nosey. Why would they need to see it only a few months after it was sold?

Pistachiocake · 19/10/2025 18:42

I'd say yes, because I have seen people who are grieving be very comforted by "weird" things. I'm not saying this is particularly weird, but most people might say it's not really going to help anyone, but things like this can. Finding photos of old buildings online, from when I lived with my grandparents for a time really helped me. Sounds stupid, but grief isn't logical.
If they were a PITA, you could politely point that out, and say it cost you £X to get xyz done that should have been done before you moved. They might just apologise and offer you the money. I don't mean to say it as "You cost us £200, give me the money and you can come", as that wouldn't be something I'd do, but it gives them the chance to do the right thing.

Sausagescanfly · 19/10/2025 18:42

We went to see the house my mother grew up in recently. We took a look from the outside and the current owner popped out to see why people were staring at his house. We had a nice conversation, but there was never any suggestion on either side that we go inside, that would have been ridiculously intrusive.

When my father's parents died, we went and had a final look round their house, took some videos and reminisced. That means we should never have any need to bother the people there either.

In your case, OP, they had ample time to look around before you get the keys, so they've really missed their opportunity.

Americano75 · 19/10/2025 18:47

Can't fault their brass neck!

HeartyViper · 19/10/2025 18:48

Absolutely not, the house is now yours. I would reply and be explicit in declining.

Helpwithdivorce · 19/10/2025 18:49

We went to see my grandmothers house a few years ago. With my parents who grew up there. We were looking from the outside and the owner came out to see what we were doing and when she found out invited us in, which was unexpected but absolutely lovely.
They’d done a lot of work inside and it was almost unrecognisable but it was lovely to see how beautiful it was now.

It’s obviously up to you but it would be a nice thing to do for someone.
My mum, who grew up in the house was so happy to be able to go in and see it

Papyrophile · 19/10/2025 18:55

We felt welcomed, and I hope the stack of information and 50 years of history we supplied in return has filled in some of their curiosity. We have sent them a plant for the garden to mark the occasion.

Januarytoes · 19/10/2025 18:56

They may be thinking that you would be interested to hear about the history of the house. Also they are presumably a group of siblings and one of more of them may be unhappy with the way one of them dealt with the sale and as a PP said, they want something that was left in the house.
However that isn't really your problem.

I would reply that a visit would be problematic for you in view of the unnecessary difficulties during the sale and the bother you were put to disposing of all the things that were left behind.

Euphemis · 19/10/2025 19:00

I would’ve come to the same conclusion - the difficult behaviour, leaving junk, neighbours views of them being rude and abrupt, 4.5 years to have sentimental trips all points to a hard no.

Tempting to just ignore but I would want to put a firm line under it, to ensure they don’t just turn up. I would write back something like this:

Thank you for your letter. We completely understand the sentimental connection your family has to the house and appreciate you getting in touch. However, as we have now fully refurbished and redecorated the property, it no longer resembles the home you would remember.

For that reason, and as it is now our private residence, we’re afraid we’re not able to accommodate a visit. We do, however, wish you and your family all the very best.

MrsM2025 · 19/10/2025 19:04

There was a thread a few years back about the OP being asked if it was ok if an elderly man could visit his old house but I think he kept turning up regularly?

tommyhoundmum · 19/10/2025 19:04

They might want to broach the subject of something left behind. No might be best

Marleyandus · 19/10/2025 19:05

Januarytoes · 19/10/2025 18:56

They may be thinking that you would be interested to hear about the history of the house. Also they are presumably a group of siblings and one of more of them may be unhappy with the way one of them dealt with the sale and as a PP said, they want something that was left in the house.
However that isn't really your problem.

I would reply that a visit would be problematic for you in view of the unnecessary difficulties during the sale and the bother you were put to disposing of all the things that were left behind.

This

Doris86 · 19/10/2025 19:05

It might be better for them to just remember it how they remember it, rather than seeing it after you’ve ripped it apart and completely changed it to your own tastes.

Papyrophile · 19/10/2025 19:06

I would completely understand that response @Euphemis and TBH that was the response we expected. So when we were invited back to spread mum's ashes, given tea and shown around, it created a little new friendship bond that I think both sides will value.

Garamousalata · 19/10/2025 19:06

No way.

Yootoo · 19/10/2025 19:09

No

ClaredeBear · 19/10/2025 19:10

I could understand if a long period of time had elapsed and there were younger generations involved but the sale sounds quite recent, so no.

Papyrophile · 19/10/2025 19:15

It has been more than 30 years since our family owned it, so the current owners' hospitality was extremely generous.

Euphemis · 19/10/2025 19:17

Papyrophile · 19/10/2025 19:06

I would completely understand that response @Euphemis and TBH that was the response we expected. So when we were invited back to spread mum's ashes, given tea and shown around, it created a little new friendship bond that I think both sides will value.

That is lovely 🌸

It sounds like this is a very different situation though.

It is the difficult behaviour, the leaving of junk, the views of the neighbours, how soon this is after having 4.5 years to visit whenever they wanted that point to the need for a firm boundary. If it wasn’t for these things then I would welcome someone to my home to look around for sentimental reasons and hope it was a really positive experience for everyone. All the signs point towards these people being CF. When someone show you who they are and all that…

Evergreen21 · 19/10/2025 19:18

As they were difficult with the sale and it was only a short time ago I would say no. This doesn't sound like they want to visit for sentimental reasons but more so for being nosey.

We had a young woman pop a letter through asking if at some point she could visit our house. Her parents were the first owners of the house and sold it when she went to uni and moved abroad. She commented that she was going to get married and wanted to show her dh where she had so many happy memories. I emailed back and we arranged a date but I did warn her that whilst we hadn't made massive structural changes we had obviously redecorated. She didn't actually stay that long, maybe 15 minutes and I felt like she found it not quite the experience she expected. For instance her old bedroom is now my son's room and very different to what she remembered.She seemed a bit put out by this but honestly why would it be the same?

Zezet · 19/10/2025 19:20

I would let them see it.

LeftHandedPopcornScooper · 19/10/2025 19:20

Definitely not then! They had 4 years to look round, and to clear the loft and didn't.

I've had the previous to the previous owners of our house round, along with the couple that used to live over the road from them - because they were both coming to my neighbours for lunch and asked if it were ok. All 3 families had moved in around the same time in the early 70s, all had kids the same age (two of whom were now married to each other!) until our house and the house opposite moved out in the 90s. We'd just completely renovated and had taken off the wallpaper in one of the bedrooms only to find the son/son in law of our visitors was the one who had written his name on the walls in 1978 before the wallpaper had gone on.