Request from relatives of old owners to see the house - WWYD?

[MN2025]

We purchased our forever home earlier this year and ever since we have been refurbishing the property to make it how we want it!

We had a letter arrive in the post the other day from the daughter of the previous owners (she was the executor as was a probate property) and has asked if she can come with her family to see the property for sentimental reasons.

I’m half inclined to say yes… but half inclined to say no. I know people will say ‘it’s your house, do what you want’ but to be honest, the property looks completely different to how it was when we first picked up the keys that it wouldn’t be recognisable so the sentimental value wouldn’t really be there and I personally think they just want to be ‘nosey’ and see what we’ve done to it….
Secondly, they were awkward throughout the sale process to the point we nearly pulled out and they had left a loft full of junk plus other items when we had specifically said ‘vacant possession’

Thoughts?

My childhood home was up for sale recently and I pretended to be a buyer to look round on an open day 🥺 I was desperate to rekindle some of the joy of my childhood. It was a very bittersweet experience as yes some of the things were the same, the view from my window, the bathroom suite, the original victorian fireplace but so much had changed. I left close to tears.

I lived in a student rental house that had been gutted by fire and fully redecorated before we moved in. One day a young woman and several other relatives of about 3 generations knocked on the door and asked to look around. It turned out the young woman had been living there with her husband, and he’d set the house on fire when she was in the bath, to try and kill her and claim insurance. She jumped out of the window to safety, and he went to prison. Her extended family were visiting from abroad and wanted to see where she’d jumped from, which happened to be my bedroom. It was all quite shocking, and very emotional for her and her family.

Unless you have been in this situation you have no idea how heartbreaking and difficult it is.

Not everyone’s experience is the same. I have been in that situation and honestly didn’t care about the house being sold at all.

Given it was a bereavement situation and selling the family home, I would cut them some slack. You don't know what was going on for the children/executors at the time and how it was affecting them, that resulted in delays and difficulty for you. I would try to be the bigger person and allow them to look around, but I would warn them in advance that it already looks significantly different,and that all the belongings left behind have been cleared (in case that's the purpose of the visit).

"Unless your visit includes bringing us £££ in cash to cover the cost of the skip we had to hire and the time it took us to clear the junk you left behind in the house and the loft and an apology, despite the terms of sale requiring you to leave the house in vacant condition, then no."

I’m usually quite a private person, so the idea of strangers walking through my home isn’t something I’d normally be comfortable with. But in this case, I’d probably say yes mostly because the person I bought my house from (the son of the original owner) was fantastic to deal with. Even though the house looks nothing like it did back then, there’s a big extension now and many changes. I’d want notice though, there is no way I’d just invite them in if they just suddenly knocked on the door making the request.

Also, this.

Just don't respond. If they follow up or show up, be prepared to say no and shut the door.

I wouldn't. I think it's weird that they have asked.

I would say no. We had a neighbour who ended up hosting an annual visit from relatives of a former deceased resident. I know other people who have got very upset about changes to a front garden of their former house and became frankly stalkerish on the subject. I would also be concerned about secret internment/scattering of ashes etc on my property and mawkish return visits. Someone who gets so sentimental about the former house of a relative that they write requesting a pilgrimage is just more likely to be upset or make further demands. It's your home now

If you bought the house earlier this year, then it's only been a matter of months since they last saw the place. As beneficiaries and Executors they would've been checking on the house fairly regularly. So it sounds to me as though they're being nosey rather than wanting a "trip down memory lane". It doesn't really stack up.

In your position I think it would be fine to say no
with my late parents property, I did meet Mrs Buyer on completion day, she turned up at 1030 right after the phone call confirming completion as I was still hoovering my way out after a final clean and the last rubbish clearance of so many, I think 4 large skips and 7 van loads with the house clearance guy being loaded up. I apologised for being a little behind and insisted she come in and look at her new house (I already knew they were getting a full refurb done before they moved in)
when they'd finally finished it a year later, it looked absolutely amazing and I knocked on the door just to say that and she invited in very sincerely to see what they'd done. I think that's a totally different scenario to yours? I left it as clean as it's possible for a tired old house to be, garages and sheds swept out and absolutely nothing left behind.

Good for you! 🙄

I have a sneaking feeling about this
Are you by any chance (will keep it broad) Dorset ish way
If so avoid x

I am inclined to be quite sentimental but I would actually say no to this. A home is not a living and breathing entity, it is a building that is inhabited by people, couples, families, individuals who each bring their own energy and relationship to the house. Once one set of people depart it becomes a different place, revisiting and reliving old memories and getting upset is not going to be good for them and nor is it going to be good for you. I think it is quite an invasion of your space and not particularly respectful. We had one of the old occupants of our house look over the back garden fence not long after we moved in and it hugely creeped us out.

No

Well no. Just no. Ignore

It’s an intrusion & a bloody cheek- no !!

If you only bought the house this year then surely the relative had plenty of time earlier this year to wander around it for nostalgia sake. They could have videoed it/photographed it back then.

It doesn’t make sense to me why they have this urge now AFTER you have completely altered it so therefore memories will have been wiped away.

Maybe they left something valuable in the attic when they left the junk up there and are wondering if you have kept it/displayed it and are hoping to steal it back!

I would approach with caution. Something doesn’t add up to me.

Tell them you have an invoice for the skips and time it took to get rid of their crap. Once it's paid you'll consider their request.

I’d say yes, personally. I’d love to hear the previous owners’ memories and some history of where I live. You say the owners were difficult, OP, but you don’t say that included the daughter who wants to look round.

I’d say yes. It’s a common enough request. Why not?

I say this as someone who goes on Zoopla sold house listings to see what my grandparents houses and my old student haunts look like now….

No

I would not accommodate this request on two grounds.

Firstly, the time for this was while probate was underway - plenty of opportunity then for any visits to take place.

Secondly, you did not have a good experience with them during the purchase process. This would not make me want to be at all helpful.

I would not bother to reply. If you feel you must, I’d reply in formal terms along the lines of … we are in receipt of a request from you to view the property. This is not something we are able to accommodate.

Somebody came round to our house wanting to see our bedroom because their daughter had been born there when they lived there (40ish years and 4 tenants ago). I said no but felt guilty about it. Downstairs rooms i might have said yes but not our bedroom.

My parents started visting my DGP house - Dad moved there at 16 - after they finally sold it post grandparents death - not inside but driving over an hour to drive past about a year later.

I thought it really odd - think it was part noisiness but also it had been part of their lives for years but due to demands from DGP in later years and shear exhaustion and how diffcult porcess was - think it took some time to get over it all and start to miss the location.

I personally wouldn't allow it as frankly you owe them nothing and I wouldn't want the hassle or the intrusion into my new home - also not sure if it's so altered it would actually help them in any way.