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Original poster

Request from relatives of old owners to see the house - WWYD?

246 replies

MN2025 · 19/10/2025 14:25

We purchased our forever home earlier this year and ever since we have been refurbishing the property to make it how we want it!

We had a letter arrive in the post the other day from the daughter of the previous owners (she was the executor as was a probate property) and has asked if she can come with her family to see the property for sentimental reasons.

I’m half inclined to say yes… but half inclined to say no. I know people will say ‘it’s your house, do what you want’ but to be honest, the property looks completely different to how it was when we first picked up the keys that it wouldn’t be recognisable so the sentimental value wouldn’t really be there and I personally think they just want to be ‘nosey’ and see what we’ve done to it….
Secondly, they were awkward throughout the sale process to the point we nearly pulled out and they had left a loft full of junk plus other items when we had specifically said ‘vacant possession’

Thoughts?

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 19/10/2025 16:23

If they were awkward during the purchase, then no. They'd probably wander round bitching about stuff you've changed.

I wouldn't want to see what the buyers did to the house I grew up in, not least because they've concreted over the front garden to park one of their cars and I really couldn't hold myself back if I saw them.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 19/10/2025 16:23

No, but do reply to the letter to stop them just turning up.

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 19/10/2025 16:23

You clearly don't feel comfortable letting them in, which is fine.

Were they difficult because of the probate/not coping with a death or just unpleasant?

I'd let someone come and have a look, especially having asked politely instead of just showing up.

I've seen a couple of celebrities do it, and even though the houses had changed, the sentiment wasn't lost.

If you're uncomfortable for whatever reason then write back and explain, otherwise they might turn up.

tinyspiny · 19/10/2025 16:25

I’d just tell them no and I’d add that the house is barely recognisable now anyway . There is no way I would facilitate this .

Irritatedandsad · 19/10/2025 16:25

I would, I would give them a small 30 minute window though. Maybe it will bring them some comfort and joy and maybe they are nosey but they might have always been wondering what could be done with the place if it was done up and it might give them joy to see it renovated or closure.
Maybe the awkwardness was down to heartbreak and the stuff left because they couldnt face clearing it
I am one to give the benefit of the doubt though.

BarbaricYawp · 19/10/2025 16:29

BlooomUnleashed · 19/10/2025 16:15

It may well be a kindness to say no.

I found my late grandparents house on a British estate agent’s site. I was so excited to be able see inside it again that I just clicked, instead of having a think first.

For context their house is the backdrop for my happiest childhood memories. When I die my sister is under orders to snag one of my toes before my husband ignores all my wishes to be cremated, and shoves me in that bloody horrible wall thing we have here in Italy.

The toe is to be smuggled over and buried (very deep, preferably in a smell sealed bag, even more preferably… in the ash form I have requested) by the wall in the park, just behind their back garden.

That’s how much that home meant to me. The only remaining part of my mortal self will return to Britain to be where I was happiest. With those I loved the most.

The photos on the website were very confronting to see. Obviously it had all been done up and brought out of the 50s. The home of my happy childhood is gone, it only lives as slightly faded videos in my head.

In retrospect I wish I had thought twice and not looked. It was nicer when it hadn’t even occurred to me that somebody would have knocked down walls and made the place unrecognisable.

Totally agree with this. I recently found a Rightmove listing for the flat we lived in when my children were tiny. It had been all slurped up in a way that was completely out of keeping with the age and style of the property and I found it really upsetting. Part of me would really like to revisit my childhood home, but I know it would be a similar story. If the house was sold to you only recently, OP, there may be an ulterior motive besides the 'sentimental' angle but I think this is a really valid reason you can give for refusing, if that's what you want to do.

PistachioTiramisu · 19/10/2025 16:30

I sold my childhood home after my mother died and was heartbroken to leave it. About 3 years later the new owners invited me to go and have a look round the house and see what they had done, which I thought was really nice of them. It had been totally refurbished but I found it comforting that one particular stair still creaked in exactly the same way!

It's a shame they were difficult during the sale, but if you could see past that, it would be a nice thing to do for them.

LemonJellyLegs · 19/10/2025 16:30

@MN2025
Ah but its from relatives of old owners but not the old owners that were dicks. Your beef is with them not their relatives x

jessycake · 19/10/2025 16:32

I was able to see a relative’s home on social media .I found it comforting that it had changed so much and was I able to let go of that part of my life ,I would never of asked to look round though .

AutumnCosy2025 · 19/10/2025 16:33

Is she visiting from overseas or would she have been able to see it after her parents died & before you bought it?

I wouldn't hold it against her that she was 'difficult' during a probate sale, it is a very difficult time (for most of us anyway)

Frillysweetpea · 19/10/2025 16:33

I detoured on holiday to look at my grandparents' former house with my DH and DS (9 at the time). We were just going to drive past but they had a for sale sign up so knocked on the door. I explained the situation (hadn't been in the house for 30+ yrs). They were absolutely delightful, welcomed us in, showed us around and we had a lovely chat about grandad who they had heard about via links with the rugby club. I was so grateful.

Comeonbabylightmyfire · 19/10/2025 16:36

Tell them that you have done it up and offer to send photos instead. Send random internet pics.

or say it’s not convenient but send copies of the estate agent photos to remind them.

godmum56 · 19/10/2025 16:37

LemonJellyLegs · 19/10/2025 16:30

@MN2025
Ah but its from relatives of old owners but not the old owners that were dicks. Your beef is with them not their relatives x

it was a probate sale, the old owner was dead and his descendents were the dicks

Hotflushesandchilblains · 19/10/2025 16:38

Ilovepastafortea · 19/10/2025 15:13

I used to visit an elderly neighbour every day (she's since died).

She would talk about the house where she'd been brought up. As she had dementia, I wrote to the people who were now living in the house, explained that my friend lived there with her mother & aunt during the war and it would be nice for her to visit her old home if they were agreeable.

They rang me and were very enthusiastic about the idea. We visited on a Saturday so that their children were present & my friend was able to tell them lots about living there during the war - no inside toilet in those days, the city was heavily bombed & she showed them where they went when there was an air-raid, told them about her mother spending all day on Mondays doing the washing having to get up early to light the 'copper' that was in an outhouse & was shared by several families. The children went to the same primary school that my friend went to so they had a connection there as well. The family had made a cake, gave my friend cake & tea. She had a lovely time and the children learned loads about life in 'their' house during the war.

That is really lovely! I am not anti this in principle - but I would not do it for people who were difficult and left behind junk for you to deal with.

I would do it for the family I bought my house for. But I would not do it for the last house because of their behaviour.

youmustbeshittingme · 19/10/2025 16:39

I’d say no. Or say they can pop round if they pick up all the shit they left behind. You could just offload stuff you don’t want if it’s all cleared now.

Cailleachnamara · 19/10/2025 16:43

Since they were awkward sellers who caused you hassle it would be a hard no from me. I wouldn't even reply to the letter - why should you?

Tangyfan · 19/10/2025 16:43

My family recently wrote to the owner of the house where our grandparents lived and were warmly welcomed so I was coming in here to encourage you to do it. However they are entirely different scenarios. The property was sold over twenty years ago and think these were the 2nd owners since my grandparents. It being so recent plus the issues they caused sounds like they are coming for a nosey and to see if any of their stuff is being used. That's cheeky to ask that after putting you through it all.

nosleepforme · 19/10/2025 16:46

I’d love to see my childhood home, even if it’s different
but if you want to say no, that’s fine. She did ask nicely via a letter and not just turn up though, so at least she’s polite.

UnhappyHobbit · 19/10/2025 16:49

I find it weird in all honesty. I wouldn’t dream of doing this to the new owners of my childhood home. To me it feels controlling, like they want you to know that it was once their home and they have a hold over it. It doesn’t sound like you’ve been there that long and what if they make negative remarks about your renovation?

Dora33 · 19/10/2025 16:49

I find this an odd request considering the house was only sold recently by the family.
Any request like this that I know of is from families that lived in the houses years ago.
I said yes to a person coming to see his family house thst he lived in for years. He was upset that we had changed the back garden.
Of the 2 others that I know of, the sisters who came to see their childhood home, were lovely & really enjoyed seeing how the house was now lived in by a young family.
The second one, the old owners were upset that the current owners had made changes to the house that the old owners had done.

Redflagsabounded · 19/10/2025 16:49

I'd say no. It's a recent sale, they've had plenty of opportunity for a final visit, they know what it looks like. They just want to be nosy.

We once went to an old family home with an elderly relative who'd visited her grandparents there when she was a child. We looked around the area and took a photo of her on the street outside as a momento for her. The owners came out and asked why and then very kindly offered us a tour inside. That's pretty different circumstances (and we didn't ask, they offered).

Praying4Peace · 19/10/2025 16:50

Iloveacurry · 19/10/2025 15:01

I’d say no. They’re just being nosey

Disagree entirely.
Let them visit OP.
I understand their request for sentimental reasons

DBD1975 · 19/10/2025 16:54

OP please find it in your heart to do this.
Unless you have been in this situation you have no idea how heartbreaking and difficult it is.
We sold our family home several years ago, after both my parents had died, it broke me.
I still go and sit at the end of the road and cry. I would love to go back and have a look at the property but I don't feel able to ask.
Please find it in your heart to be kind x

Willyoujust · 19/10/2025 16:55

Absolutely not

Whatsthatsheila · 19/10/2025 16:55

Personally I’d say abso-fucking-lutely no!

because I’m also a massive hypocrite I’d love to see what my grandparents house looks like now.

so I can see the pull for them to see it and I can see how weird it could be for you

in light of their sheer bloody awkwardness and bad etiquette by leaving the junk you’d be perfectly and more than understandably within your rights to tell them to do one. However if you don’t feel comfortable doing that at the most I’d perhaps write back explain that you don’t feel comfortable showing strangers around your home but are happy to share some photos of the interior decor (leaving out any expensive furniture/accessories etc)