Mum won’t allow me to change my wallpaper

[Winter2012]

So long story short, cat has scratched up wallpaper in the hallway. I want to remove the wallpaper, plaster and paint it as I’m less likely to get problems with the cat damaging the wallpaper again. My mum doesn’t allow me to do it, stating that it is just one wall that is damaged and it’s a really nice wallpaper. She’s literally making a HUGE deal about it and is making me feel guilty and actually putting me off doing it. It is my owned property that I paid for. She only comes to visit to see her grandkids. But she’s making it her whole business calling me “mental” for changing the wall because of the cat scratching it. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, other than to ask if she is being unreasonable? Do I take down the wallpaper and paint the walls or not?

You’re asking whether you need your mum’s permission to redecorate your own home? Seriously?

WTF. It is your house. Your choice. If you fancy changing the wallpaper for each season it’s none of her business.

Why are you letting her dictate what you do in your house?

Do what you like, it's your house!
My cat was the same, ripped wallpaper off the walls, I think he took up mountaineering as some of the scratches were very high! I stripped the walls and painted- no more scratches!

She’s honestly so controlling she’s having a right go at me. It’s my house but I feel I have to run everything by her. She does my childcare whilst I’m at work and she will stop doing this if I take off the wallpaper without her permission

Your Mum doesn’t allow you?? It’s your house. I don’t understand. Just don’t mention it. Do what you want.

Exactly what I was thinking! And the scratches are going very high up. My thoughts are also the scratch problem wil be over. But she thinks I’m being crazy and over reacting

Time to sort new childcare.

Nothing comes for free. You’re giving her far too much access to your life.

This. You are enmeshed. You need to look up what that is and how to get out of it. You are a grown woman with children and a house. You need to be able to act like one without the threat of your childcare being removed.

It's your house, you can do as you like without your mum's permission.

I am not sure why you think you'd need to plaster though? There should already be plaster under the wallpaper. It will just need a light sand, or use a plain lining paper and paint over it. If the wallpaper currently there is very textured like a blown vinyl, that's probably why the cat has scratched it. Just replace it with something flat and non-textured.

Might be for the best if she refuses childcare OP, do you want your children spending a lot of time with someone so extraordinarily controlling?

Do you really want your children cared for by a woman who is so manipulative she would withdraw childcare over something so utterly trivial?

This doesn't seem to really be a query about wallpaper.
From the title I assumed you lived in your mum's house and wanted to change the decor in your bedroom.
In which case I would have said the person whose house it is decides such things.
So that is my answer for you.
I think you need to aim for a more adult interaction with your mother.
You are obviously grown up as you own a hand have children.
Don't discuss such things with her.
Behave more like a colleague at work. Be civil pleasant and cooperate on joint tasks.
Keep private matters to yourself.

Good grief your dm is ridiculously controling!

Of course you can redecorated your own home the way you want.

If she is going to withdraw child care then it's best it's done now or she will hold this threat over you whenever you want do do something she disagrees with.

I’m not a DIY person so wasn’t sure if the walls will be flat and even under the wallpaper so that’s why I thought I may need to skim or plaster or something to smooth it out. Maybe sanding is enough. Yes The wallpaper is currently very textured which is why I think he is scratching.

Madness.

Stop using her for childcare and enjoy choosing a new wallpaper! If my Mum tried to dictate what wallpaper I chose for my own home (she wouldn’t because she isn’t a control freak!), I’d send her hourly photo updates of my progress

Insane

Why is your mum looking after the kids hen she’s so controlling and it’s really sad that you have to even ask this question when you’re an adult woman

Just do it. Don't discuss it with her.

You’re grown up enough to have a job, have children and buy a house, be grown up enough to find childcare and change your locks.

Why are you leaving your children in the care of a mad woman
As is often said on here, the wallpaper is the least of your problems

You need to stand up to her tell her to go stand the other side of the front door for a second then close it never to let her back in again.

😂

She’ll stop doing childcare unless you obey her about wallpaper?

Are you happy with this level of indebtedness?

Oh love, it doesn’t need to be like this. Find other childcare, and find ways to unhook her from all the other parts of your life she’s got her claws in. Your life will feel so much lighter.