Tradesman just made me cry

[Fluffyelephant]

I know it’s probably silly to be so upset but I’m really shaken up.

Having a nightmare with our house renovation. People cancelling, not showing up.

Finally had a guy in today (recommended by another tradesman). Long story short I was in the room next to where he was working and could hear him getting angrier and angrier in there: ‘FFS!’ every few minutes and slamming things more and more aggressively.

Eventually heard him say to himself ‘that’s it I’m finished’ and he started moving his tools. I went in, job was about 60% done and he was so angry. Like “I’m finished. Not doing anymore. People effing changing the job. Changing the date. Wasting my time. This b&q stuff you’ve got is shit.” It was so horrible. Then he stormed out. I told my partner what had happened and started crying so my DP ran out to the van outside and I was shouting ‘Don’t! Dont!’ The guy threatens him and then drives away.

Agh. Absolutely horrible. Really shaken up. Just feel like I’m cursed with this renovation. Feel like it was my fault for not making the details of the job clearer.

Not sure what the point of this post is. Just wondering if anyone else has ever experienced similar. And if so how do you keep it together?!

My advice is exactly what I tell my clients, I put down in writing what the customer ask me to do, then they confirm or amend it to reflect exactly what they want, I sign it and the confirm the contents are correct, job agreed, then job done, no areas of misunderstanding and everything in black and white!
I must say we do not let customers buy materials because there is a big difference in the quality of products from the “sheds” - big DIY stores and the products from a trade warehouse. But bad language in a customers home is 100% out of order and he should be sent packing, bad attitudes give bad workmanship.

He’s hacked off because he thought he could do a 5 minute job and charge you an arm and a leg.

@Fluffyelephant I had a guy come out for a faulty appliance that had only been delivered/fitted the previous day. He was awful before he'd even looked at it and quite aggressive. I hadn't met him before, he wasn't the person who delivered/fitted it so there was no reason to be that way. All I'd said before he started being that way was "good morning" and "can I get you a tea or coffee?"

I'm disabled and felt quite vulnerable, which I've never felt before. Every time he spoke aggressively he leaned towards me, it was horrible. My Mum was visiting and kept quiet until she couldn't take listening to him any longer. She asked him "what is your problem, why are you being so aggressive?" to which he aggressively replied "nothing, what's your problem?" If I hadn't been so desperate for the appliance to work I think I might have demanded he leave. I surreptitiously shook my head in my Mum's direction so she didn't say anything else.

He then didn't fix the appliance sheet seeing that it turned on. I pointed out that wasn't the problem it turned on but didn't do its job properly. Anyway, he said I'd have to try it again and see. When he was leaving I'm guessing he thought there might be a complaint coming his way and told me they had 2 people on long term sick so they were having to do their work as well. I understand this, but wasn't drawn into the conversation as I just wanted him out of the house.

There is never any excuse to terrorise someone in their own home. From what you've said he was recommended by another tradesperson so they would have explained the job to him. I do understand when tradespeople go to a job and the person keeps changing it, it can be frustrating and people often expect change without additional costs to themselves. It doesn't sound like that was the case at all with you though and you weren't even in the room when he started ranting. It's very unprofessional and extremely unpleasant. Do you have someone managing the renovation for you or are you managing all the traders yourself? It not be worth getting a project manager to oversee it, they'll then have all those conversations for you and can make sure you're not getting a raw deal. It's also more likely to finish on time too. Good luck with it, I'm sure it will be wonderful when it's all finished.

@Fluffyelephant @riceuten Could be his too, especially if the tradesperson who recommended him didn't really explain what was involved properly and he thought it was quick money.

Oh goodness, my parents had an extension 2 years ago. They were supposed to start beginning August, Didn’t start till end September. Promised her they’d throw everything at it because family was due December … they were 2 months late starting, then pulled down the back wall, leaving the house exposed to both the cold & unable to be secured…. Then they turned up when they felt like it…. Mum was pulling her hair out… one week they turned up for 2.5 hours in a whole week!!! Mum would break down in tears and the boss would promise there would be men there the next morning… they’d show up 3 days later saying he hadn’t told them to come, promise to be back the next day then not show up!!…. 2 days before Christmas she didn’t even have electricity in her extension which was also supposed to be her new kitchen, but was just an empty shell! … family over from New Zealand had to stay elsewhere, it was awful.
Hard to find good tradesmen these days sadly.

Can you and the other apologists for this man's appalling conduct explain why it's in the least bit relevant, given what actually happened?

Some of the comments at the beginning of this thread were awful. The desperation to blame a woman for a man's behaviour is strong in some people.

You've badgered the OP to answer YOUR questions, @Josette77 so why not come back and do the same?

I know it’s an awful reality but wherever I can I get my husband to deal with tradesmen. They ALWAYS show him more respect, assume more knowledge and give a better price. It’s crap and but it’s true. I also would feel really uncomfortable being around someone’s anger like that. It’s not normal he was obviously stressed and has issues of his own. Not a normal reaction.

@Changingplace

so what? Doesn’t give him the excuse to behave in an aggressive way does it

Men especially can be arses, a man came to look at our washing machine and said to me did you over full it. I said me and my husband use the washing machine not just me basically suggesting I'm the little woman. We another man come to fix a pipe in the kitchen sink and sent my husband out to get another part and said to me the same as you the B & Q stuff isn't good quality. I called my husband to speak to him, some of these males can be so rude.

Whether it was a small job or not, tge tradesman was completely unprofessional!. My experience with most trades is that they can't be bothered, they show up expecting to do minimum work and over charge for it. It's not you, so don't be upset, it's just a case of trial and error until you find the right one. Make sure you post every detail about the job and that it may not just be a quickie. Explain that you were let down by your previous tradesman and require a patient, understanding worker. It will all work out in the end, I promise you. X

OP, ignore these people giving you a hard time.
It’s crazy on here sometimes!
I particularly enjoyed the poster who has a brother in law who works in trade and threatened you that “they talk” 😂😂

House renovations are stressful, people can be assholes, try to put it to the back of your mind and find a new way forward with the work next week. If you can afford to get a project manger they can deal with booking people for you.
Good luck!

No don’t pay him- don’t know what his problem is? My experience of tradesmen today, especially since Covid is you can’t get them out to give a quote, if they do turn-up, extortionate fees, (London wages), then they get the job, full of bullshit excuses why they can’t start, this, or that date.. never respect your property. I bloody hate them all- just so lucky my husband is great at diy, meticulous with detail.
my friend had her bathroom done £8000, that’s not including the fittings- dropping to bits & looks tatty because they couldn’t be arsed to wash the grout off the tiles properly.
My husband is no tradesman but our bathroom is stunning, he said a plumber would have knocked it up with nails 🤣

I had this some years ago with a glazer fitting some mirrors in my garden gym. Came to do survey and ordered. When he fitted he was so stressed that my walls were not ‘straight’ and was very unpleasant, he also cracked a bit at the top. He left after finishing but was very aggressive. We were paying post the job and knocked him down as it was damaged (which he was super angry about but didn’t offer to fix issue). Just a vile person and thankfully now seems to have gone out of business. YANBU he should have been more professional.

What you need to do is put this on Google reviews or trust pilot. So other people don't fall foul of his temper. Maybe if he'd listened to your messages, accepted pictures when offered instead of thinking all his information will come from his mate who has probably made the job sound easy. Then he wouldn't have had to down tools. Make sure you haven't shared any bank details with him, you may find he still takes payment regardless a few days later and double. Heck his mate doesn't add costs onto his bill to recuperate this guys. We're in social rented accomodation and a few year ago had similar, wasn't even our arguement but roofing sarking felt needed replaced due to water running down inside walls. So landlord got a contractor out. They spent two days supposingly doing a roof, which involved renewing three rows of tile and all the sarking felt. I had no issue with them like you provided tea and coffee even bacon sandwiches at break and it was only when our landlord sent their own inspector to check the work a few days later that they realised they'd taken the tiles off and replaced them but the brand new roll of sarking felt the landlord had paid for had been left out and we had a roof with no sarking felt. Landlord insisted they return and put the sarking felt in and that they wouldn't pay anymore as they'd not done the work first time. Somehow the contractor decided we must have complained. I'm not sure how I got up on a roof to check if the sarking felt was there from my wheelchair. But he got aggressive. Then while tidying up the old tiles form the garden that landlord had asked they tidy too when they returned. He started effing and blinding. Telling us social housing tenants get everything for nowt. Blah blah blah. He started having a go at me for insisting they tidy up. Despite the fact I'd not cared to be fair the old tiles would have been refused in pots in the garden if he hadn't taken them and at that point we didn't even know he'd been told to tidy up a d the mucky windows from where he crap had come off the old sarking felt would have been cleaned the next day anyways by the window cleaner. He then started saying that someone must have got up and taken the sarking felt out in a period of 3 hours from them finishing the job and the inspection, putting all the tiles back and started saying someone must have effing nicked it. At that point I asked her watched his language and hubby who is far from confrontational came too door and said if he had a problem with the job to take it up with the inspector. As he went to close the door this idiot flung a roofing hammer at my husband. Who thankfully it missed and it landed in my kitchen. We locked the door rang inspector who rang police. They turned up as he was getting into the van and despite them being told by inspector what had happened. He tried to claim someone had stolen the sarking felt and hat we had also stolen his roofing hammer which was still where it landed untouched by us, with a dent in my floor. Police bagged it up as evidence and he was charged with affray, his finger prints been the only one on the hammer and the sarking felt that he claimed he'd had to rebuy out of his pocket because the one the landlord had bought them had been stolen turned out to be the same one, the packaging found in his van with no other packaging to suggest he'd been rebought (original packaging had landlords details stamped from their supplier). He ended up with a criminal record because of his temper and his thieving. Which is why they were keeping an eye on him in the first place because previous jobs he'd done hadn't added up so he'd been put down to be inspected after every job. We wouldn't have had any idea that he hadn't changed it until the bad whether had the inspector not came and checked. Some people are just plain vile. I'd 100% make sure that any future customers are aware of this and if you haven't already then I'd report his threats to the police. They may not do a lot of it's his word against hubby's but maybe check doorbell and dash cameras in the area see if anyone caught what he said.

Nope totally unprofessional behaviour & uncalled for.

Can I just detract from the subject for a sec to point something out ? @kimchiketch really should get a round of applause, because they win the internet for today. As far as I can see every single post deleted. I’m sorry I didn’t come to the thread sooner because I’d love to have known how someone can break talk guidelines every single time !! Well done. Fabulous achievement.

Oh my goodness, I have had a very similar experience to you. Neighbours were having building work done and the tradesmen were awful- imitating erotic scenes, swearing and shouting abuse at passersby! The above was also during school holidays, and they couldn’t have been louder! Of course they didn’t listen when I complained nicely.

Ended up reporting them to the building company and they (quite rightly) got sacked. At least the building company were remorseful and owned up to these behaviours (!) Such disgusting and violent behaviour.

I’m really not surprised by OP’s post but am disgusted by everyone defending the tradesman… Don’t think you fully comprehend until you’ve been in the situation yourself. Makes you feel so vulnerable as a female.

P.S. Well done @kimchiketch, you should be so proud NOT. 🙄

@SpidersAreShitheads dd2 and her dh are having their house renovated. It was meant to take 9 months but it has taken 14 months so far and counting. They do gave a project manager but they are now on their third - one is being sued for fraud by the building company, one fell ill and now on number 3. Some delay was inevitable as a major issue was discovered and times and costs were renegotiated. The company is now having to pay fines as per the original contract for delay. It doesn't look like they'll be in by Christmas!

I work in construction... I would not accept that behaviour from a contractor at work or at home. Yes being a tradesperson can be stressful like many jobs ..but if I swore in front of my clients and generally exhibited a bad attitude I'd expect to get poor reviews as a minimum, not paid and sacked. That said...everyone can have a bad day at work, we are all humans not robots.

I would have challenged his behavior but also tried to find out what was wrong to solve the problem. Ok so clearly there is a problem, these aren't the correct materials, what do you need and we can source them/can you source them and we can return to this another day if necessary. Perhaps calm them down with a chat/cup of tea and a biscuit, maybe he was hangry/this was the last job in a string of nightmare jobs that day. Whilst their behaviour is not your problem of course and they should have behaved professionally, in the interests of getting work done sometimes a bit of people management and talking through the issues is needed. If they were still ffing and blinding and angry I'd probably say it's time for you to go.

It’s inexcusable behaviour, regardless of if the job was increased in size - A professional should keep a lid on it, if he wanted more clarity on the job then he should ask for a contract. His fault and only his fault. Silly man.
I can imagine that would be really scary to deal with a furious man throwing his temper around in your own home for lots of reasons.
I cannot understand why so many people are sympathetic to stroppy, aggressive, tradesman

If the events were so bad that your dog is shaking , and he also threatened your DH then why haven’t you called the police?

As if the police would do anything!

Tradesmen are generally a dishonest, self-serving and manipulative shower of shit.

I've had very few instances of a simple exchange of job done satisfactorily for price agreed. Far more instances of bullshit, no-shows, bad attitude, evasive, untrustworthy, corner-cutting and an overall feeling of being taken the piss out of.

How they are allowed to carry on as they do I have no idea. Hate having to deal with them. Wankers.

I'm coming to the thread late, so many of you will not have noticed that the poster with the most responses has been deleted. I'm not going to @ them.
Sorry you had this OP - it's totally unacceptable.