Things that annoy you about Estate Agents listings? (lighthearted)

[Wintersgirl]

OK, I'll go first!
Panoramic/wide angle shots of the driveway to make it look double the length/width it actually is (same goes for internal shots)
No floorplan
Pointless photographs of taps running or a bunch of flowers, I'd much rather have more photos of the property
Virtual tours when they just use just stills of the photos you've already seen...why? It's not a virtual tour at all!
Anyone else got anything? I'm sure there's loads more but those are the ones that I see frequently.

It was paved,maybe that's what they meant.

Yes not including compass on floor plan! Street view being nowhere near house (not sure if this is in agents control though). No having photos of all the rooms. When there is something like an illegal looking loft and it’s not clear. Listing as more bedrooms than makes sense for size and amount of bathrooms - when one bedroom clearly needs to be a hall cupboard.

Any slightly bigger than average garden is advertised as 'a potential building plot'.

Sure,if you can persuade next door to demolish their garage and conservatory so that you can access it.

This! With measurements that you can see/read.

Measurements in metres rather than feet. Who the hell thinks of room space in metres?

Wanky artsy photos in the listing. Nobody wants to see close ups of bowls of lemons or floral arrangements.

Wide-angle photos that distort size/shape of the room.

Listing a cell measuring 6x6 as a bedroom.

Or floorplans with no measurements at all...

Garden photos where the agent has clearly squatted to the ground so you can't see how overlooked it is.

One agent near us does 'teaser' videos. You see them walk up the drive, open the door, the hallway, the lounge, but if you want anything more than those 30 seconds you have to book a viewing to get a link to a full video, which then expires after 24 hours.

They overestimate how much I carry about their crappy houses.

'Standing proudly......'
Yes, they're referring to the house.

The word “bedroomed” which isn’t actually a word.

Wanky artsy photos in the listing. Nobody wants to see close ups of bowls of lemons or floral arrangements.

Yes why? Waste of a photo, especially when there's only 8 photos of the whole place to begin with. I know what a tap looks like thanks...

I also hate it when there’s about 22 photos but loads of them are basically the same photo. And they’re inevitably in a muddled order. So kitchen, lounge, very similar picture picture of kitchen, bedroom, very similar picture of lounge, etc.

I can't stand something listed as a bedroom when the dimensions are 5 foot by 6 foot and the photo clearly shows a lone desk. It's a study, not a bedroom.

Also hate when the asking price is not the asking price and there's essentially a hidden reserve price, but they put a lower price to 'get people through the door'

"Exclusive development" Erm, no it's not, it's just a development...

I think of rooms in metres!

Multiple photos of one bedroom but no photos of the others is my pet hate. Please give me at least one photo of every room please.

Pointless photographs of taps running or a bunch of flowers, I'd much rather have more photos of the property

Those type of photos are terrible. They are pointless and annoying. Makes me think that whoever took the photo thinks they are David Bailey

Those type of photos are terrible. They are pointless and annoying. Makes me think that whoever took the photo thinks they are David Bailey

I know, nothing to do with the house at all, no amount of flowers or taps is going to persuade me to view it!

Constantly describing properties as ‘stunning’ I eagerly open the link expecting something worthy of ‘Homes and Garden’ and what I get is worthy of ‘Exchange and Mart’. Estate Agents need to go back to school and learn what stunning means, it is not a property with floral borders and peach bathrooms from 1980.

You should check out some of the descriptions from the late, great Roy Brooks, an agent in Kings Road.

'This property is sure to be popular....' needs removing if it's still on the market after six months.

'Priced to sell' - yes, that's the point.
Arty shots that don't show the rooms
History from the seller about how happy they've been living here
'This property is comprised of' - I can only assume there's a copy of How to Speak Estate Agent in every office in the land that has the same clunky phrases, given how often they occur.

I'm dying...😂

Oh and the montage "virtual tours" always have the same crappy guitar music!

Their turns of phrase - "situated in a pleasant cul de sac is this 3 bedroom house", "dual aspect", always saying "property" instead of house/flat. It makes me laugh/cringe when participants on property programmes on TV say the same thing because they think they're speaking the lingo.

I hate all the arty shots close ups of bowls of fruit or a fireplace. Or when the table is all laid out as if they're going to have a dinner party.

Delightful garden = small
Cosy = small
Scope to improve = needs knocking down and starting again

Or "walking distance to good schools
When a) theoretically you could walk 3 miles to school but most people probably wouldn't and
b) the catchment area is about 400m so even if it's a sensible walking distance it's no guarantee of getting in.

Boasts, showcases, offers

All verbs. A house can’t do actions.