Things that annoy you about Estate Agents listings? (lighthearted)

[Wintersgirl]

OK, I'll go first!
Panoramic/wide angle shots of the driveway to make it look double the length/width it actually is (same goes for internal shots)
No floorplan
Pointless photographs of taps running or a bunch of flowers, I'd much rather have more photos of the property
Virtual tours when they just use just stills of the photos you've already seen...why? It's not a virtual tour at all!
Anyone else got anything? I'm sure there's loads more but those are the ones that I see frequently.

Metres for me too. Work in architecture and everything we do is in metres 😁

I’m nearer to sixty and I prefer metres too.

“In need of some modernisation” or “with a little imagination” generally mean that the house is almost derelict. “A quiet location” usually means in the middle of nowhere.

I'm helping to clear out a relatives house. Its just about uninhabitable (despite the fact they did live there until last year)
I'm interested to see how the EAs spin it when it goes on the market.

I'm 30 and it's metres for me too. Feet and inches mean nothing to me. Much easier to quickly work out the square footage with metres too.

Video tours which are just slideshows of the pictures you can already see are my bugbear. And excessive drone shots. The house we are buying had two minutes of an eight minute video as overhead shots. Guess it didn't put us off though.

" within walking distance of the thriving Francis road, packed with artisan cafes, gift shops, delis and wine bars....."

About 70% have since closed down and empty but the local agents puts this blurb on every single listing !!

Yes they use the word "house" rather than say it's attached or a semi, just bloody tell me!

"Recently refurbished" here usually means in the 1990s!

I'm keeping an eye on the local market with a view to listing our (actually recently refurbished) house in the next few weeks and I've been amazed by the number of times I've clicked on a property only to find it has a '90s kitchen/bathroom/general decor yet the idiot EA has described it as though it was done....recently.

Looking at the Zoopla listing history from when ours was for sale tells a similar story. The pics show peeling exterior paint and a very dated bathroom but the very first ad accompanying these pics described it as "recently renovated".

Also hate - no floorplans, floorplans without dimensions (prefer these to be in feet, but both metres/feet will do), no pics of garden/pics from one aspect only, or mention of garden size.

Rightmove specific - if you set your search to 'detached' houses it:

a. includes anything described as a 'cottage' included terraced and semi-detached.
b. does not include detached bungalows. You have to add 'bungalows' separately and it then includes all types of bungalow, not just detached ones.

Two photos of the same bedroom and then none of the smallest bedroom.

Listing mobile homes as bungalows. I'm in a holiday resort so there's tonnes of chalet/mobile homes/glorified caravans that take up half of the list. I'm not paying £250k to live in a caravan park.

The square meter age of what’s on offer in the title as :

3 bed semi, North road, 84 m sq.

3 bed semi, South st, 64 m sq.

Straight away you have an idea of what’s on offer. All the floor plans should have the square meters on and yeah the orientation would be another professional step none of them seem prepared to take.
Accurate dimensions of the garden and the drive if there is one.

Meterage even

Close up photos of the owners personal items, mirrors, vases, coffee tables etc. Completely irrelevant. Just show me the whole room.

Guy at the end of the street we moved away from had enlisted the estate agent who had a photographer going through an artsy period... his property listings (it's still up for sale - mainly cos it's overpriced as fuck) included a close up of a flower pot, a close up of a full circle of brie and bottle of wine on the garden table (garden is tiny) and so much wide angle lens abuse that the house looks like it's a fish bowl.

There's one locally who capitalises Every Word In The Property Description. Drives me mad

There's another who needs their exclamation mark key taking away from them - there was a property up on the local high street - fairly bog standard 2 bed terrace on a main road... but it had a CELLAR!!!! Imagine what you could do with a CELLAR!!!! Cellar house has been re-listed a couple of times since then and me and DH spent a lot of time mentally working through the possibilities of what we could do with a CELLAR!!!!

Oh and when I said we were looking in quite a limited search area and we needed either 3 beds+office potential or 4 beds... mailing me 2 bed bungalows the opposite fucking side of the city.

One agent here loves to inform prospective buyers that the property has a SHED!!

Some properties even have TWO SHEDS!!

I hope she's never asked to market one with THREE SHEDS!!

The excitement would probably kill her.

These are some quotes from a listing I looked at recently which had me in stitches:

“Enter through the posh front door and a pretty vestibule meets you with cloaks to the right and a stunning deep parque effect floor which runs through the hallway which is a very nice size with good ceiling height.”….. Imagine describing a front door as posh!

“The kitchen is huge with a fantastic dining space within and all the touches for you foodies with high grade appliances throughout, sleek surfaces and classy units.”….. cringe

“Now up to the principle suite, it is beautiful, just enjoy the pics and photo reel. There is a separate dressing room with wonderful in build storage and the en-suite.....we love the tiling to ceiling and that huge oversize shower cubicle..it is very very fancy!”….. fancy! 😂

"Immaculately presented" means the mould has just been painted.

How in earth do you work out square footage when the measurements are in metres? That doesn't make sense.

It would be helpful if they'd put both measurements in, then those of us who can visualise in metres can do so, and those of us who need feet and inches to judge a room size are also catered for. Easy peasy.

An estate agent word I hate is "ample". Ample storage. Ample parking. The only other use of the word is to describe a bosom 🤣

'Rare to the market' - and then you look at the sale history and it's been listed twice in the last 10 years.

I hate the phrase "skillfully extended". It usually just means a bog standard kitchen and loft extension.

One went on the market near me with three sheds. We are in London. Unless one is being Airbnb’d, three sheds seems like overkill.

“Garden level flat with direct access to the garden” meaning living in the basement.“Garden level flat with the private entrance” meaning, you enter flat through the basement level built in doors, under the main entrance stairs.

These are all so TRUE! Take note Estate Agents!

Two photos of the same bedroom and then none of the smallest bedroom.

This once fooled me into viewing a property. But needless to say, it didn’t fool me into buying it.

You would think, given its widespread use in estate agency, that more of them would be able to spell the word ‘principal’.