Things that annoy you about Estate Agents listings? (lighthearted)

[Wintersgirl]

OK, I'll go first!
Panoramic/wide angle shots of the driveway to make it look double the length/width it actually is (same goes for internal shots)
No floorplan
Pointless photographs of taps running or a bunch of flowers, I'd much rather have more photos of the property
Virtual tours when they just use just stills of the photos you've already seen...why? It's not a virtual tour at all!
Anyone else got anything? I'm sure there's loads more but those are the ones that I see frequently.

Scope to improve = needs knocking down and starting again

😆

Gems like....property benefits from single pane glazing and electric heating.
or breakfasting kitchen - wtf!

Recently near us “located on a quiet cul-de-sac with little passing road traffic”. There may be little road traffic but it is next to the helipad of a major hospital.

Rightmove dot slightly misplaced so it doesn’t look like the garden backs onto the train line when it does.

Guide price with a range.

Round here, it is usually a close up of a nice vase, belonging to the owner, which they are presumably going to take with them.

And no photos of bedroom 3, which is likely a cramped box room used solely for storage.

“Ready for a discerning buyer to put their own stamp on” = needs gutting completely, full rewiring, new bathroom and kitchen.

Photos of the corner of a room. You can see wall, a bit of skirting board, some carpet/flooring. Often it's not even clear which room it is. Why?? As pps have said, the arty closeups of a plant or bowl of fruit. One I just looked at has a close up of a wall plaque saying 'Home Sweet Home' - bleurgh. Those words (painted on?) the walls that a lot of people have, saying 'eat' in the kitchen, 'sweet dreams' in the bedroom etc are so naff anyway. A divorcing couple I know were selling up the marital home, 'love' was written on the wall over their bed. Sad

Rooms on the floor plan, with no photo (often the 3rd bedroom). No floorplan.

'Located in the ever popular ....'

Which essentially means the location is in a dump and no one wants to live there unless they have no other choice.

When an unfurnished house doesn't label the rooms on the photos.
It happens in new builds a lot, where every room is white and grey and photographed from several angles, which are then displayed out of order. So you spend ages trying to match photos to see the different angles of the rooms by the placement of the radiator or where the light switches are.

But I just thought 'popular' means it's an OK area, but not posh. Posh would be 'sought after' or 'sort after' as some E----As write.

If it is a truly bad area, ime they just don't list the area, they'll just put eg 'x Road, Name of City'. Hoping I suppose to get a buyer from outside the whole area who might not realise.

Oh just spotted another one: “easy to maintain rear garden” = small paved yard.

When they say modernised and in immaculate condition, and when viewing the pictures you think err no, just no.

'Ever popular' is definitely used by the agents round my way to mean 'very cheap'.

The blurb for a place near us began with 'The presentation of this property can only be described as exquisite'.

I know there's a word to describe vomit coloured paintwork and swirly pink carpet that crackles underfoot but I'm 100% certain that word isn't 'exquisite'.

I absolutely hate those "3D" floor plans, can't understand them half of the time or read the measurements

I hate it when you click on video and it's a slide show of the same photos in the listing. And 6x6 ft is a cupboard, not a bedroom. I also wish they would put garden dimensions on.

Bungalows which have a loft conversion so are no longer bungalows but listed as a bungalow.
I don't want stairs, I search Bungalow because I want a chuffin bungalow!!!

"Rarely on the market" and on new developments "a range of 2 bedroom flats and 3 bedroom homes" you mean houses, flats can be homes too. And as nobody lives in them, none of them are homes yet!

When they craftily put the garden on the floor plan in an attempt to make a poky house look much bigger. But still don't put the measurements of the garden 🙄

A downstairs reception room being listed in the bedroom count for a higher price.

No it hasn’t got 4 bedrooms if one of them is the dining room and shouldn’t be priced as a 4 bed…

Anything more than about 15 photos, and as PP said photos in a random order starting with the downstairs loo.

And no garden dimensions or orientation.

Madness I've seen is no mention of a full (unranked) cellar on the basis everyone would know that a house like that would have a cellar, and who wants a cellar?

Awkward garage conversions to playroom/study that is marketed as an extra bedroom.

"Close to local amenities" = there's a Spar or Londis within 15 minutes

No photo of the box room or a deliberately deceptive one.

Floorplan for one I was interested in last week had a mysterious 'room' that ran the full length of the back of the house but had no dimensions or details. When I asked about it, it was a patio. Like an actual outside, paved patio. That is a new low to make a house look bigger!

When they show loads
And loads and loads of garden shots before any interiors. You know it's going to look like the film set of a 70s sitcom inside

A garden with well maintained "boarders". I mean, I'd prefer vacant possession, no matter how well they've looked after them.

Executive homes.
what does that even mean? Do I need to bring a copy of my cv to view it? Do I enter into some sort of power sharing agreement when the deeds get handed over? If I’m an ‘accounts executive’ and live in a static caravan is it now an executive caravan?
Is it based on size? Value? Age? The occupation of the person living in it?
Its marketing bullshit and gives me disproportionate rage.
Always makes me think of David Brent and that sort of middle management idiot who thinks they’re something special and have really made it in life because they have and en suite you can barely turn around in.