Things that annoy you about Estate Agents listings? (lighthearted)

[Wintersgirl]

OK, I'll go first!
Panoramic/wide angle shots of the driveway to make it look double the length/width it actually is (same goes for internal shots)
No floorplan
Pointless photographs of taps running or a bunch of flowers, I'd much rather have more photos of the property
Virtual tours when they just use just stills of the photos you've already seen...why? It's not a virtual tour at all!
Anyone else got anything? I'm sure there's loads more but those are the ones that I see frequently.

Re. executive homes, I’m thinking of an estate of new builds next to a motorway, handy for zipping off to those important conferences and executive meetings.

All these posts make me think that Estate Agents must think we're bloody stupid, they must go to the same school of wank fuckery...

Executive homes near me seems to translate as "we didn't want to have to include starter homes, or affordable housing, or social housing, and the plot is potentially close enough to a desirable postcode that we can market this smaller development of 4 and 5 bed houses as being in Desirable Area when it's not in Desirable Area unless you drive for 5/10minutes"

Executive home developments seem to often contain the name of Desirable Area with something on the end eg "Desirable Area View, Fancy Area Gate, Nice Town Gate, Area We Are Trying To Regenerate By Pretending this Development is much Closer to Nice Area Gate, Right Catchment Area that Probably Won't Be Once We've Built These Homes Gardens"

I'm loving this thread, I've read every single post and they're all bloody true! Here's another one, why do some EAs still use crappy PDF brochures that wouldn't look out of place in 1997? They look so dated and give you no extra information about the house, they always seem to come from slightly old fashioned estate agents.

Estate Agents changing the ' Added on' date for the property listing.
I've watched several properties that have been on the market for over eighteen months yet the EA change the listing date as if it's a recent listing.
Who do they think they're kidding ?

“Well appointed”. WTF does that actually mean.

“Benefits from a fitted kitchen” 😂 you just know it’s not going to be a looker!
When they don’t include photos of all the rooms.
Calling a room “huge” when it’s just standard.
“Low maintenance garden” = very small and paved over

I absolutely hate it when you click on Street view and it is 800 yards away so you have to go looking for the house jumping forwards and looking around. Garage door check, shrubs in front garden – check, yes it could be that one.

Wide-angle photographs that make me feel I’m in the Sims

'In the popular, up and coming area of...' means it's a shithole 😂

'Would benefit from a full modernisation programme' = looks like something out of fawlty towers and needs taking back to the brickwork in every room

I hate misspellings and bad grammar on the listings.

I also hate when photos are not in any order - so you see pictures of a bedroom and then after multiple more rooms, another picture of the same bedroom from a different angle.

‘We recommend internal viewing’, yes, it is daft……..

but we knew an English couple who had bought their house in France without actually seeing it themselves in person. They had been to one of those property fairs which were popular in the early part of this century ( blimey, I sound old) when everyone was being urged by Tv programmes to buy a house abroad. They bought it from the agent without visiting it

I’m afraid that when they got there , there were quite few things which might have been mentioned, and which they would have seen if they had viewed it, like its close proximity to the local déchetterie ( dump/ tip) . We did ask gently after yet another big moan about how disappointing it was why they hadn’t been in person. They said it was a long way to come🥺

"Close to local amenities" = there's a Spar or Londis within 15 minutes

Or "Close to local amenities" = it's next door to an off licence.

"Good transport links" = there's a bus stop right outside.

"Recently refurbished" = flipped. Cheapest possible laminate floors, empty rooms all painted white, kitchen with minimum number of cheap white gloss units.

The fees.

What do they actually do for all that money?

I’ve seen studio flats advertised with details of excellent local schools. Are they trying to sell to teachers or just a bit dim?

It's interesting how they have a similar prose style to the Daily Mail writing about women celebrities who are always "flaunting their shapely pins" or "parading their baby bump" or "showcasing their new-found curves". Makes me surprised houses don't also "break their silence" or "share a heartfelt plea" to potential buyers.

It means the photos are really awful and they’ve had no viewings so far, but they are hoping somebody might put an offer in once the EA has hustled them round and given them a load of soft soap about “potential”.

This too! “The 4th bedroom is currently arranged as a dining room” - because it IS the dining room!

Ive seen that too, but Im wondering if it's parents desperate for a (cheap) address in a school catchment area, without moving from the main home? Otherwise it's idiocy.

That's a new low!

When they get back to the office and upload all 38 photos that they've taken, even the ones that are blurry or the same. Sort them out before you upload them!

SORT AFTER. Every sodding time.

I live in a very dry area, where it takes a lot to keep lawns green over summer. SO many listings I see show the lawns very badly and obviously photoshopped to be bright green, but half the time they've also uploaded the original version - so the exact same photo of the backyard, but this time the lawn is dead and brown.

Yes, so true, 100% agree, you may as well buy a house otherwise. We found this when we were looking for our bungalow, honestly how difficult was it to buy a detached, 3 double bed, with en-suite, and private garden. We got there in the end, but we viewed so many unsuitable bungalows.

I'm not sure if it was just during covid but one estate agent photoshopped in a really awful brightly coloured rainbow into all the outdoor shots of the houses!