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Please critique my house before I put it on Rightmove.

121 replies

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:00

Rarely available and new to the market, this detached, single storey dwelling has been lovingly maintained by the current owners.. Grin and is competitively priced for those keen to get a toe-hold on the property ladder. Close to local amenities, (more trees and a stream) this convienient woodland location is perfect for those wishing to get back to nature. There's a few leaks in the roof which will be fixed before marketing. We're currently looking for a new front door in keeping with the original build. We have excellent relations with the neighbours (birds/rats/mice/squirrels and the odd fox). Central heating is provided by campfire. Comes complete with full planning consent for two dormer windows and a rear extension so long as traditional materials & construction methods are used. We've already had keen interest so early viewing is recommended.

Price: A keg of beer and a round of bacon butties... Grin

Please critique my house before I put it on Rightmove.
OP posts:
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AlwaysGinPlease · 05/03/2023 18:02

I'd move the stick on the bottom left. Other than that it's lovely OP!

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:04

That there stick is for my runner beans don't ya know.

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fortifiedwithtea · 05/03/2023 18:04

😂 😂 😂 is a shovel included for washroom facilities? Asking for a friend

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:06

No, bring your own shovel. We'll need ours for the next house.

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IWannaBeInTheRoomWhereItHappens · 05/03/2023 18:06

It's a bit plain. Maybe jazz it up with some Live Laugh Love plaques and some pampas grass at the doorway.

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 05/03/2023 18:07

I dunno…. I think it looks a bit cluttered, really.

DuchessOfSausage · 05/03/2023 18:08

Could you show the floor plan, please?
Is the garden south-facing?

HerodAntipasti · 05/03/2023 18:08

That’s basically a badly-thatched roof. Don’t mistake it for the campfire!

chocolateisavegetable · 05/03/2023 18:11

What’s the parking like?

geminiflanagan · 05/03/2023 18:14

I think it needs a bath. No family would ever buy a house that doesn't have a bath.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/03/2023 18:17

Open plan living is not for me. Soz.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 05/03/2023 18:18

Could you upload the EPC for the property, OP?

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:19

Floorplan:

Please critique my house before I put it on Rightmove.
OP posts:
JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:19

Bathroom:

Please critique my house before I put it on Rightmove.
OP posts:
JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:20

I was hoping someone might volunteer to inspect and write me an EPC... Grin

OP posts:
WinterMusings · 05/03/2023 18:21

You need some potted pops if colour by the front door.

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:21

chocolateisavegetable · 05/03/2023 18:11

What’s the parking like?

You can park your arse here no issue.

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Slimjimtobe · 05/03/2023 18:21

Slightly decluttered to the top right

lovely entranceway and vibe 😅

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:22

WinterMusings · 05/03/2023 18:21

You need some potted pops if colour by the front door.

Woodland bluebells will appear if you come back in a few weeks.

OP posts:
DobbyTheHouseElk · 05/03/2023 18:23

You need a fruit bowl and a stunt pineapple.

Open plan is the way forward.

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:25

DobbyTheHouseElk · 05/03/2023 18:23

You need a fruit bowl and a stunt pineapple.

Open plan is the way forward.

I have a bowl of stunt acorns just out of view..

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ApolloandDaphne · 05/03/2023 18:26

What are the heating bills like?

Wherethewildthymeblows · 05/03/2023 18:26

Has it passed a fire risk assessment?

JamBiscuitBun · 05/03/2023 18:27

ApolloandDaphne · 05/03/2023 18:26

What are the heating bills like?

Heating is free basically. A whole woodland of fallen wood to filch.

OP posts:
Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 05/03/2023 18:28

Are the local schools outstanding?

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