Please critique my house before I put it on Rightmove.

[JamBiscuitBun]

Rarely available and new to the market, this detached, single storey dwelling has been lovingly maintained by the current owners.. and is competitively priced for those keen to get a toe-hold on the property ladder. Close to local amenities, (more trees and a stream) this convienient woodland location is perfect for those wishing to get back to nature. There's a few leaks in the roof which will be fixed before marketing. We're currently looking for a new front door in keeping with the original build. We have excellent relations with the neighbours (birds/rats/mice/squirrels and the odd fox). Central heating is provided by campfire. Comes complete with full planning consent for two dormer windows and a rear extension so long as traditional materials & construction methods are used. We've already had keen interest so early viewing is recommended.

Price: A keg of beer and a round of bacon butties...

I would be helpful to identify where the nearest tube station is, and Costa-bucks.

Would you take below asking price?

Well, yes. I thought it looked a trifle unkempt OP but didn't like to say. I'd be needing an outbuilding for my leafblower too.

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps?

Excellent as an HMO. There are currently 25 of us living here.. HMO's only specify kitchen & bathroom space and we have no shortage of that..

Cheeky fecker, we're not considering low-ball offers..

We have the most environmentally friendly leaf-blower known to mankind. It's called the wind..

Costa-bucks 10mins in one direction, tube, 10mins the other. Very conveniently located.

Ah I wish MN had a like button!

Totally pml outloud at this! 😂

You've one-upped me with this, it's fabulous!😂

😂😂😂

You're being ridiculous
That's what gives it the rustic charm

I think you need to stick a bottle of milk in the stream so you can show viewers the 'fridge'. You have to remember that some people have no imagination.

English heritage listed and Blue plaque? That sounds like a fight with the council everytime I want to change the front stick colours from dark brown to light brown. Sorry op, not for me

Does it have off road parking?

I can tell that one gets one's privacy living there, also good to see that networking is all sorted, always a chance to chat with a VIP

I think you'd attract more buyers if you stick in a utility room with a sink , shower , space for the dog and storage !

I would like to make an offer before it goes on the open market.
£10.50 (had to factor in deductions for security to ensure I am not visited by any neighbours).

Hmmm kerb appeal COULD be be better @JamBiscuitBun May I suggest some planters with some pansies in? Also, maybe a fairy ornament with a solar light? And maybe a nice wooden wishing well. Nice though. Price isn't bad.

@Sososocold

Do any other the neighbours have trampolines?

😂....... Or barbecues! Or karaoke machines. 😆

This thread is so funny! Thanks for starting it OP! This site has so much negativity and vitriol on some of the boards, it's nice to see a silly thread. 😍

You can park your arse here no issue.
We need a diagram!!

Some luvvly faux foliage balls would be just the job for your front door.

Is the bathroom en-suite?

Does it have a designated parking space and if so do the neighbours sometimes park in it?

Could do with a few fairy lights. Where can the hot tub go ? Is it prone to flooding ?

Trouble is , I have a hankering for Regency stripes on the walls and a dado rail but I don;t think there's a straight wall in the whole place .

I;d need to knock off at least the price of your HP Brown Sauce to buy plaster .

Licks pencil and does sums on the back of an envelope doing sharp intake of breath