Moral dilemma

[PLNB31]

Hi just wanted a little advise, I have my house on the market as currently (been up for around 2weeks) looking for a bigger house for myself, husband and 4young boys . We are signed up to Rightmove, we want to stay in the current area we are in as our kids are settled in school. 3 days ago a property came up on Rightmove(added that day), My sister put the property on a family group chat and said she was going to see it, straight away I said I wanted to view that property also. My sister is very unhappy I said this and didn’t think I should view it as she was. We have now both viewed the property and both want to put in offers. My sister thinks I should be stepping back and not putting an offer in as she said she liked it first? Should I be putting my sisters opinion before doing what’s right for my family? Am I a bad person for putting an offer In?

Her house isn't even up for sale, she's being ridiculous. Put an offer in.

@tubbatops if my sister had put her house on the market, and was actively looking - and I hadn't even started the process, and I saw a lovely house come up, I would probably send it to her and tell her to get in quick!

@Bluntness100 by the way I don’t think she has put it up to be horrible just like I haven’t viewed it to be horrible. I just don’t think either of us should be asking either one to step aside

@Sabee so would I but I also wouldn't buy my sisters "dream" house even if it was only ever just a dream (unless she was happy for me to) because I value my sister more.

I'd put an offer in, if she falls out with you over it then that's on her not you.

I'd also talk to the estate agent, see how many other people are interested, and only tell your sister if your offer gets accepted.

I would back away from this house but then don’t discuss any other houses you are viewing or look at any she posts on WhatsApp so you can be accused of ‘stealing’ her house

But that’s what her sister is doing?

@tubbatops

OP just tell your sister you will leave that house to her & continue your search but keep it on the down low. If she does this again with another house she's 100% in the wrong.

@Sabee I disagree, thank god you're not my sister 😜

[quote PLNB31]@Cottipus. I have been as honest as I feel I can be as soon as she put it up I said I would be viewing, I told her when I was viewing and I told her straight after I would be making and offer. (She tried to call me to discuss after she had viewed but I told I didn’t want to discuss until I had viewed)

I really liked the house and my husband loved it!

The house will and already has a lot of offers so I know I am not just competing against my sister.

The seller told us she is in no rush as she has not found anywhere herself so I think it will just come down to highest offer.[/quote]
If the house already has a lot of offers if is probably not worth either you or your sister proceeding without an offer on your existing properties.

If however none of the other offers are proceedable then you and your sister may as well both go after the property and see who is ready to exchange first providing you agree not to get into a bidding war.

OP I don’t think the estate agents would even consider offers from someone who hasn’t even put their house on the market.

I was under the impression you wouldn’t even be able view properties unless you were proceedable in some way!

That's quite difficult! How would you feel if this was reversed into you?

I'd be torn, just because she posted it into a group chat doesn't mean that you have to stand back, however I kinda understand how she'd be feeling a bit irritated. I don't agree with it though, you're perfectly within your rights to put in an offer on it without her threatening that your relationship will suffer. To be honest her threatening that would make me even more intent on getting it! 🤣

Good luck with everything x

@tubbatops no need to make it personal! 😶

@ThanosSavedMe I’m not sure how that would even work, I haven’t posted about the houses I have looked at. But she has with this one, what happens if she puts another on there I have/want to look at - does this mean she has dibs on that also?

If you like it, put an offer in. Like you said, it wouldn't be just her you are competing with anyway.

She isn't proceedable anyway. Depends how much you value your relationship I suppose, if it's not great anyway then I would offer on the house and deal with the consequences after

@PLNB31 nope just don’t engage with her about houses at all. Don’t look at her messages or reply to any of them that relate to houses so she can’t accuse you of anything.

I agree it’s ridiculous behaviour on her part though

The estate agents have just called my husband as I am now leaving everything to him. They have 10 offers

I don’t think she has put it up to be horrible just like I haven’t viewed it to be horrible

I know you don’t, sadly some folks seem to think she’s just doing it out of spite,

If they have ten offers just say to her this is shit, let’s put our offers in and hope one of us gets it.

I think OP - meet in person and have it out.

I would definitely point out that it is wrong for her to threaten you regarding the relationship if she doesn’t get her way with the house.

It makes me feel you care more for her than she feels for you?

Even theoretically if you were both right; that’s no way to conduct a relationship.

@missrks I can understand her being annoyed it would annoy me too but I would never tell her to step aside and say I would never do this to you. Cus honestly if roles were reversed I would say if u love it crack on we both have the exact same chance of getting it! (Which at this present moment is only 10%)

@Sabee I’ve tried, neither of us are willing to back down, I’ve told her in no way is this malicious or done out of spite and if she gets I’m the house I will be happy for her, told her I love her etc.

Clearly you’re both looking at similar houses in the same area. Take note, DO NOT discuss with each other who is viewing which property. Tell her you’re not interested in hearing about which one she is viewing, as evidently it’s going to cause problems.

It’s a bit pathetic of her to declare ‘first dibs’ on a house and blow up with you for wanting to view it. It is hard finding a house in general but she might not even like it or decide not to put in an offer.

The way she’s going on it’s as if she had her offer accepted and you’ve gone an gazzumped her!!! She may not even want to put in an offer (upon seeing) it and it may not be accepted anyway.

You missed a trick OP you should have said ‘I’m booked in to view that property...’ Just because she seen it first on Rightmove doesn’t mean she can stake claim to it.

I would probably back off this time as I’m sure another house will come up BUT remember not to discuss between each because it will cause a fall out!

@Babesinthewud I haven’t being telling anyone about what I have been viewing but they know I have as my house is up for sale and I want to stay locally.

I can say I won’t discuss it with her, but I physically cannot stop her from putting something on the family chat - which then in turn she sees as Laying a claim

@Babesinthewud we have both viewed and both offered my house is up for sale with 2 offers hers was only valued yesterday