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Original poster

Moral dilemma

280 replies

PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 08:22

Hi just wanted a little advise, I have my house on the market as currently (been up for around 2weeks) looking for a bigger house for myself, husband and 4young boys . We are signed up to Rightmove, we want to stay in the current area we are in as our kids are settled in school. 3 days ago a property came up on Rightmove(added that day), My sister put the property on a family group chat and said she was going to see it, straight away I said I wanted to view that property also. My sister is very unhappy I said this and didn’t think I should view it as she was. We have now both viewed the property and both want to put in offers. My sister thinks I should be stepping back and not putting an offer in as she said she liked it first? Should I be putting my sisters opinion before doing what’s right for my family? Am I a bad person for putting an offer In?

OP posts:
Original poster
PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 09:12

@ComeBy no mine is with a different estate agents

OP posts:
Original poster
PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 09:12

@ComeBy I literally said the moment she put it up we will be viewing that one also

OP posts:
Mamette · 24/06/2020 09:13

You haven’t even viewed it yet. View it and if it’s the property for you worry about it then. You could go and see it and not like it and all this would be moot.

Same for your sister. She may not even like it in reality.

Original poster
PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 09:15

@Mamette we have both viewed and both want to offer. My sister thinks because she put it on a group family chat I should step away.

OP posts:
WanderingMilly · 24/06/2020 09:15

No, you don't back off. You put in an offer, you are perfectly free to do so, just as your sister is. She is daft announcing to all and sundry she was going to view it, but if she hadn't, presumably you'd have gone anyway and liked it and put in your offer. Was her announcement a way of 'bagging' the place first? Daft idea.

If you need to move, just get on with it. Your offer may not be accepted and hers might, just treat it as any other property several people might be interested in....

FrostyGirl66 · 24/06/2020 09:16

If your sister hasn't even got her property on the market yet, she's obviously not going to have her offer accepted.

I'd proceed with making an offer if it was me, assuming you're going to accept one of the offers on your property.

Svalberg · 24/06/2020 09:20

Well I think you need to have accepted one of the two offers in order to make an offer on the other house, and as a seller I'd tell your sister to come back when she's proceedable. Make an offer when she's been told to go away. Chances are if it's that desirable a property, you won't be the only two people to think so.

Svalberg · 24/06/2020 09:24

And in your position, I'd make an offer whether or not she did as I don't think I'm as bothered about upsetting a sister as you are.

Medievalist · 24/06/2020 09:30

Actually, I think if anyone steps away it should be your dsis because she isn't in a position to proceed, therefore her offer is unlikely to be accepted and you withdrawing could mean neither of you gets the house. Unless the property is unlikely to attract much interest?

And yes, you both saw it on the day it went on Rightmove so no way of knowing who saw it first (if indeed that makes a difference). Group chat is a red herring.

In your shoes I might have a word with the estate agent to get a feel for the vendor's position and how much of a hurry they are to move. They may not give much away but if you can glean from the conversation that they want to move quickly and there's been a lot of interest, then that strengthens your case with dsis for you making an offer as she's unlikely to get it.

Cottipus · 24/06/2020 09:31

If it’s your perfect house I don’t see why you wouldn’t offer on it. Her putting it on the group chat as a way of “warning” you off is manipulative. It’s not “her” house anymore than “yours”. I assume that you saw the house listed independently and decided to view before she staked her claim on the group chat?

I would be honest with her about your intention to offer though, if you offer in secret and it’s accepted it’ll cause no end of upset.

On the other hand if you don’t love the house and she genuinely does and saw it first then I’d back away.

If the house is in desirable location anyway you may both face competition from other buyers.

GreyGardens88 · 24/06/2020 09:35

Your Dsis sounds like a right little madam, stamping her feet. Is she often like this?

MadeForThis · 24/06/2020 09:36

You had already seen the house online and were interested in viewing it.

Why does mentioning it in a whatsapp group give her first priority?? You could have told her that you already had an appointment to view it. Who would have priority then??

If you want to smooth things over you could let her make an offer on the agreement that if it is declined then you can offer.

If she is genuinely looking for a house in the same area then this might happen many times. You can't both claim priority on every house that comes up that you both like.

If the house becomes a battleground it will be forever tainted. It's not a dress that you don't wear in front of her or will become dated. It's always going to be there.

You need to have a discussion with your sister about how to proceed. If you have similar taste in houses this could keep happening.

Original poster
PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 09:37

@Cottipus. I have been as honest as I feel I can be as soon as she put it up I said I would be viewing, I told her when I was viewing and I told her straight after I would be making and offer. (She tried to call me to discuss after she had viewed but I told I didn’t want to discuss until I had viewed)

I really liked the house and my husband loved it!

The house will and already has a lot of offers so I know I am not just competing against my sister.

The seller told us she is in no rush as she has not found anywhere herself so I think it will just come down to highest offer.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 24/06/2020 09:38

Your sister can't call dibs on a house if she's not in a position to proceed.
Go for it - otherwise her offer will be rejected and you'll have lost it for nothing

Original poster
PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 09:38

@MadeForThis this is my worry have I now got to put every property we view on the family chat (I had already viewed 2) offered on a bungalow I fell in love with and missed out because at that time we were not proceedable

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Sabee · 24/06/2020 09:39

Sorry I’m really confused - from what I understand, you have had your house on the market - she has not even put hers on the market and no one knew she was going to sell until she put a post on the group?’

Did she put it up knowing that you were looking and would probably want to look at it?!

If so that’s really mean of her!

In any case if everyone knew you had your house on the market, every one would know you would be getting these updates etc and would be looking at the house

She hasn’t even got her house on the market, how many sellers would even find that proceedabke!

I think you should go for the house.

Bluntness100 · 24/06/2020 09:40

Op had you already arranged a viewing before she put it on the group chat. It’s not really clear. It does read like she said I am interested in this house and you and your husband went wow we will have that.

Smallgoon · 24/06/2020 09:41

Sorry, missed the part that they'd both viewed already.

Your sister was naive in posting on the group chat before viewing and you would be unkind to take advantage of that, imo.

OP received the same notification from RightMove, she just didn't announce in a group chat... Not sure it's the same as taking advantage.

OP, what are your sister's circumstances? Married, children, I presume?

Hoppinggreen · 24/06/2020 09:43

If you had seen it yourself on Rightmove or somewhere fair enough but if you only knew about it because she put it on WhatsApp then it’s a dick move

Bluntness100 · 24/06/2020 09:43

OP received the same notification from RightMove, she just didn't announce in a group chat

That’s not really clear if she’d already decided to view before the sister showed her it.

Original poster
PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 09:44

@Sabee yes my family knew my house was on the market and wanted to stay in the area, she was aware we were looking on Rightmove. The house was added and within minutes she had put it on the family chat saying her husband wanted to look, I messaged back straight away saying “shit I wanna view that house aswell”. My husband mom had also text him about the same house

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Bluntness100 · 24/06/2020 09:45

If you had seen it yourself on Rightmove or somewhere fair enough but if you only knew about it because she put it on WhatsApp then it’s a dick move

This. If she’d already seen it ad decided to view she should explain that, if she saw it when her sister showed it to her and decided to go after it it is indeed a dick move.

Bluntness100 · 24/06/2020 09:45

Ok so you hadn’t decided to view when she posted it, so yeah it’s a dick move,

AlternativePerspective · 24/06/2020 09:46

So your sister wasn’t even thinking of moving until she saw this house? I’d bet money that she knew you would like it and has gone in to view it just to be spiteful.

The hell would I back off. I would tell her that it’s a shame that given this house has inspired her to want to move but that as you’re in a better position you’re not going to be backing off just because she mentioned publicly she was going to view it.

If people think that that should cause a family rift then tbh it’s probably a rift worth causing.

EggysMom · 24/06/2020 09:46

I think you need to have a conversation with your sister as, if you are both house-hunting in the same area and price bracket at the same time, this will keep on happening and you need to come to an agreement now before you have a divided family.

Personally I think this is one occasion when it's "every (wo)man for themselves" - you can both view freely, you can both offer, and one of you might be successful.