Moral dilemma

[PLNB31]

Hi just wanted a little advise, I have my house on the market as currently (been up for around 2weeks) looking for a bigger house for myself, husband and 4young boys . We are signed up to Rightmove, we want to stay in the current area we are in as our kids are settled in school. 3 days ago a property came up on Rightmove(added that day), My sister put the property on a family group chat and said she was going to see it, straight away I said I wanted to view that property also. My sister is very unhappy I said this and didn’t think I should view it as she was. We have now both viewed the property and both want to put in offers. My sister thinks I should be stepping back and not putting an offer in as she said she liked it first? Should I be putting my sisters opinion before doing what’s right for my family? Am I a bad person for putting an offer In?

@Bluntness100 the house had been listed and I hadn’t looked at my notifications. Whether my sister did or didn’t put on chat I would have viewed anyway

If you're seriously looking for a house in a particular location, you don't just miss it when it goes on Rightmove and need to be told by a relative that it's for sale! It's not like the pre-internet days when you're waiting for leaflets from every estate agent.

@PLNB31 I think your sister has been out of order. She knew you were looking fir a house, and have your house on the market.

I think she got the notification like you did, saw it and knew you would be interested in it, and quickly put it in the WhatsApp group to ‘bag’ it.

If you saw the notification and were interested in it even before the message, she has no right to claim it!

You are in the right if this is the case.

I don’t know what to think of how to deal with this - how is your relationship? Is she weird like this on other issues?

@Svalberg no it’s not pre internet days but I have young children to look after and I do not check my noticfications every time they ping

Your house is on market and ready to sell. If your sister hasnt even had hers valued yet chances are she wont be in a position to buy and both of you will miss out. Is she even serious about selling or could it just be a notion she has took because your selling

There is no moral dilemma. You sister is behaving unreasonably and is not even in a position to proceed.
Just offer on the house. The best offer will be accepted.

Oh I see, so she saw the notification first and then quickly posted?

That’s still out of order - that’s not how it works!

She is basically saying that you should step aside for her.

Everyone knows your house is on sale and you are looking for a house.

Your sister knows this.

She quickly puts a post up about a house she is interested in? Knowing you are looking? While hers isn’t even on the market?

I would be upset! I’m so upset on your behalf.

@AlternativePerspective I agree!

[quote PLNB31]@Svalberg no it’s not pre internet days but I have young children to look after and I do not check my noticfications every time they ping[/quote]
I'm not saying that you should. I'm saying that you were signed up to Rightmove and would have seen it, whether or not some random relative saw it before you did. You don't miss things these days if you're seriously looking and just because someone else saw it 10 minutes before you did, doesn't mean that you have to walk away and forget about it.

@Sabee yes everyone knows I’m looking in the area (even approached someone who I know is renting Out isn’t this particular road) which again my sister was aware of.

She is saying because she put it on the chat then I should step aside, she says she would never do anything like this to me, I am unreasonable.

My opinion is I would never expect her to step aside for me, not will I if this happens again (it will if we are now both hunting in the same area)

What happens if another house comes up in that particular road have I got to the ask her permission to view?

Also my husband is very clear on this this he does not want to back down. I honestly feel stuck

@Svalberg apologies, I thought you meant I should have saw it before her!

If you both follow her rules, she should step aside until you've found a new house, as you said you wanted to move, and put your house up for sale, before she did.

Sorry OP, I must have mis-read.

Just put your offer in. Sounds like your sister is playing games, or deliberately causing trouble?

Depends if you want a relationship with your family or not.

This. If she’d already seen it ad decided to view she should explain that, if she saw it when her sister showed it to her and decided to go after it it is indeed a dick move.

Wait, what relevance is this? Even if sis hadn't posted about it, OP would have eventually seen the rightmove notification that they both received. If houses in the area and few and far between, even if OP had learned about it via her sister, she'd have a right to view imo. Sister hasn't even put her property up for sale! OP already has offers on hers... I know who I'd want to deal with if I was the vendor.

In this instance, I just think the sis should back off. She would have been aware that OP was actively looking. Just seems mean on her part. I'd personally be happy for my sibling - especially if I'd somehow played a part in helping them find their dream property (which I don't believe was the case in this instance).

@PLNB31 You have in no way been unreasonable. I’m sorry, but she has tried to be clever. As a sister, she should not have done this.

Even if you stepped aside for the sake of family peace (knowing she was wrong) how would you feel in the future?

Could you live with knowing you may have missed out due to her lack of integrity and game playing?

Imagine she bought the house (even though I don’t think it will happen as she hasn’t even got hers on the market) how would you feel if you visited her in the future?

If you can have a good relationship with her while knowing she did this to you, then think about stepping aside.

But it will also set your position in the relationship (as someone who can be walked over/is not as important as her). And I would not be happy to be in that sort of relationship.

@tubbatops

Depends if you want a relationship with your family or not.

Surely this applies equally to the sister who has suddenly called dibs on all the houses on a road she knew the OP is interested in?

Your sister is not in a position to proceed. You are further along than her and your house was already on the market. I think it's unreasonable for her to think that she gets first dibs on a house because she physically saw it on the internet first. Its on the web for everyone to see and you were never not going to see it. That's a really silly rationale moving forward. Either way neither of you may get it, so you should go for it.

I think you need to have a sensible discussion with your sister. Has she spoken about moving before this?

If my sister did this, I would be thinking more along the lines of how could she do that to me. She obviously does not care as much about the sisterly bond as you do!

@Mummyshark2018 yes she has spoken about moving however has never done anything about it.

I think it's weird - it's a property not a coat in a store or something. You are the one in a proceedable position, not your sister, a seller is likely to not take her seriously. I'd offer on the house.

@Sabee she says as a sister she would never do what I have done

Also it makes no sense - it's a property on the internet, I don't inform everyone I know I am viewing the house so I have first dibs, I just do it. You should quietly do it, don't tell her until you know it's going through. She could lose out because she hasn't sold her house and then neither of you get it!

If her house isn't even on the market yet , then I think you should absolutely proceed with putting in an offer on the house you have both expressed interest in. Is she aware you have had offers on your own house? Your are proceedable, she isn't. Did you know she was intending to move or did she spring this as a suprise on group chat?