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Original poster

Moral dilemma

280 replies

PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 08:22

Hi just wanted a little advise, I have my house on the market as currently (been up for around 2weeks) looking for a bigger house for myself, husband and 4young boys . We are signed up to Rightmove, we want to stay in the current area we are in as our kids are settled in school. 3 days ago a property came up on Rightmove(added that day), My sister put the property on a family group chat and said she was going to see it, straight away I said I wanted to view that property also. My sister is very unhappy I said this and didn’t think I should view it as she was. We have now both viewed the property and both want to put in offers. My sister thinks I should be stepping back and not putting an offer in as she said she liked it first? Should I be putting my sisters opinion before doing what’s right for my family? Am I a bad person for putting an offer In?

OP posts:
Lougle · 01/07/2020 20:58

I'm so sorry you've pulled out because your sister was so angry. I hope you find an amazing house that puts this house firmly in its shadow.

Smallgoon · 01/07/2020 21:16

I’ve left the family chat but before I did I sent a strong worded message to say I will never allow this to happen again. Hopefully she knows now even if she makes me aware of a house which we are both interested in I won’t be backing down ever again

Well done you! Still can't believe you pulled out. You're a better person than me. I'd have told her to go whistle. The house didn't have her friggin name on it.

JudyGemstone · 01/07/2020 22:46

You're relationship with her is fucked not anyway, why on Earth would you pull out?!

JudyGemstone · 01/07/2020 22:47

your and now that should say

ColumboOnTheCase · 01/07/2020 22:59

I’m sorry you’ve lost the house op I would be gutted too I can see why you have done it despite knowing that your relationship can never be the same.

You said your sister had said that
‘she isn’t moving unless it’s to this house,‘ now this house is off the market she can stay put forever!

mumsy27 · 02/07/2020 02:13

As it says on the title, it's a morale dilemma.
it is not who can afford it, dibs or proceedable ..etc.
it's her sister and i'm sure other member of the family gets affected whoever gets the house.
OP hoped for amicable outcome (hope is last thing to die) it didn't materialised.
did the right thing, if you went for the house that decision will hunt you.
learn from the lesson and move on Smile

Rhica · 02/07/2020 02:19

I haven't read all the posts but your sister sounds a pain in a* like my sister 😂. This would 100 % be how my sister would react. And if she is as stubborn as my sister then good luck to you.

If I were you I would put in the offer and deal with the fall out if you ended up getting it. I would also make an agreement with my sister not to discuss properties in the futire until an offer has been accepted

Runnerduck34 · 02/07/2020 09:37

Very difficult if you are looking to buy same type of house in the same area for the same budget at the same time!
If she did see it first and you first became aware of it via her whatsapp message then i would back away on this occasion, annoying as it is!
But i would say that if theres a next time you want first opportunity to make an offer. You don't want to be bidding against each other

Baxdream · 02/07/2020 09:48

The best way to get out of this is to say to her. We offered x amount and we're the highest bidder. If you offer that you should get it.
If she's not offered that amount then that's her fault not yours (ignoring the fact she's not even on the market properly!)

Runnerduck34 · 02/07/2020 09:51

Didnt see all the updates- sorry- your sister sounds a pita

snitzelvoncrumb · 02/07/2020 09:56

Can I make a suggestion, view the house and if you really like it, tell your sister you love the house, but are giving her the option to put an offer on it. If its still on the market in two weeks let her know that you will be putting an offer on it. Then you have done the right thing, you let her go first.

ThanosSavedMe · 02/07/2020 10:32

You might want to read the op’s updates

Rhica · 02/07/2020 10:33

Just read the thread and seen your offer was accepted and then you pulled out 😞. Sorry to here this. Hope you are OK x

ThanosSavedMe · 02/07/2020 10:34

@PLNB31 so sorry your sister has been like this. Remember, she’s the one that has made things difficult and awkward- not you. Good luck with the house hunting

GracieLouFreebushh · 02/07/2020 12:44

I agree with @medievalist she had no prospect of getting the house and it's a case of 'if I can't have it you can't have it'. I really don't think you should have pulled out. I hope you do find another as you said houses were quite scarce. Can't believe your sister would be so selfish!! I think your relationship will have changed now anyway

Erictheavocado · 02/07/2020 16:14

Well, your sister has won hasn't she? She has made sure that you couldn't have that house by using emotional blackmail on you. And regardless of your decision to pull out, the relationship with her has now changed and therefore, your relationship with her children has also changed. If my sister did this to me, there is no way out relationship would ever be the same again. I am afraid your sister sounds like a jealous toddler who doesn't want the toy themselves, but doesn't want anyone else to have it either. How spiteful of her. Flowers

TreatMeNice · 02/07/2020 21:45

I agree with Medievalist, it's up too the seller, tell your sister you've put an offer in as well, say it'll even the chance of keeping other bids at bay. And that if she get's excepted you'll back down and if she can't for some reason carry on she pull out, you can't be fairer than that. Then tell your husband your going to bid for the house. If do your parents say or are they keeping out of it? If the roles were the other way around would it be the same outcome?

countdowntofriday · 03/07/2020 08:19

I feel so sorry for you in this, and I would've done the exact same. That house is ruined for you either way now. And any damage to your relationship is now firmly in her court. Hoping that your perfect house is about to come on the market for you!

Boohoohoohooho · 03/07/2020 08:27

That's such a shame that you had to pull out. Hope you find something better soon

ToelessPobble · 03/07/2020 08:46

What are the rest of your family saying about this and you pulling out of the WhatsApp family group. I think it is really sad you felt you had to pull out when your sister's offer would never have been accepted. I'm imagining she is a spoilt youngest sibling used to getting her own way? I'm guessing your relationship is now tainted by this. You have done the right thing to refuse to talk houses with her until you have an offer accepted. I'm kind of hoping the next one you get really is her dream house as would be perfect karma.

rosegoldwatcher · 03/07/2020 08:48

If it was a dress or fancy shoes that you both wanted to buy to wear to a family wedding, you would defer to your sister if she had seen it first.

But a house?!

I would take no notice of her petulence. Put in an offer. She can do the same. Likely, other offers will be made. Best and most likely to proceed will have their offer accepted. This is a business transaction!

rosegoldwatcher · 03/07/2020 08:54

Ooops! Sorry OP I have now read all of your posts.

Good luck with finding another.

Cottipus · 03/07/2020 09:01

I’m sorry you lost out on the house. I would have done the same as you, the house would have felt forever cursed some way if you’d gone ahead.

But your sister’s petulant behaviour was the cause of this, not yours. What have your parents and other family said about it?

Wishing you all the best in your search for another house, keep us updated if you feel up to it.

Cluehorn · 03/07/2020 09:07

You're relationship with her is fucked not anyway, why on Earth would you pull out?!

I don’t understand OP’s thinking either. It’s like closing the doors after the horse has bolted. Why did you go ahead knowing that it would effectively end your relationship with your sister then pull out of the sale? The mind boggles.

Cluehorn · 03/07/2020 09:17

Plus pulling out of the sale will have pissed off the owners and estate agents who may now consider you a time waster in future.

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