Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Property/DIY

Join our Property forum for renovation, DIY, and house selling advice.

Original poster

Moral dilemma

280 replies

PLNB31 · 24/06/2020 08:22

Hi just wanted a little advise, I have my house on the market as currently (been up for around 2weeks) looking for a bigger house for myself, husband and 4young boys . We are signed up to Rightmove, we want to stay in the current area we are in as our kids are settled in school. 3 days ago a property came up on Rightmove(added that day), My sister put the property on a family group chat and said she was going to see it, straight away I said I wanted to view that property also. My sister is very unhappy I said this and didn’t think I should view it as she was. We have now both viewed the property and both want to put in offers. My sister thinks I should be stepping back and not putting an offer in as she said she liked it first? Should I be putting my sisters opinion before doing what’s right for my family? Am I a bad person for putting an offer In?

OP posts:
ChocoTrio · 30/06/2020 13:45

*apologies about typos. In a rush!

Baxdream · 01/07/2020 11:46

Any news @PLNB31 ?

Original poster
PLNB31 · 01/07/2020 17:19

Yeah our offer was accepted, even though it wasn’t the highest offer. My sister was extremely angry told me relationship would change with both her and my nephews, I was mortified was that upset we ended up pulling out.

OP posts:
FartingInTheFence · 01/07/2020 17:30

Sorry, but your sister sounds like an utter twat.

Its a house for sale. Its fair game. Anyone can try to buy it.

With a sister like that, I'd be glad to be shot of her.

And you are silly for pulling out of a deal, dictated by your stupid sister.

Sabee · 01/07/2020 17:59

Oh dear 🙁

Just wondering, why did you go ahead and offer if you were going to pull out though? You knew what her reaction would be?

She has essentially blackmailed you; emotionally. As you gave in, she may try to do this to you in other ways now, in the future.

I hope you are ok; you have to do what you feel is best; but if that happened to me, the relationship wouldn’t be the same at all. 💐

Medievalist · 01/07/2020 18:16

You pulled out?!!! Would she have got the house if you hadn't made an offer? Presumably not. So she's so manipulative and selfish she'd rather you didn't have something if she can't have it?

In your shoes I'd be saying that if she doesn't acknowledge how ridiculous she's being then her relationship with you and your family will be irreparably damaged.

Original poster
PLNB31 · 01/07/2020 18:43

I might be silly for pulling out, but I felt like I would have taken the bad energy into the house. Maybe I was nieve in thinking she would be ok once the vendor had made the decision but it didn’t work out like that, she was really really angry. I would rather continue to be able to have a relationship with my nephews and I don’t want the bad blood.

She wouldn’t have gotten the house the offer she put in was 9k under ours and there was 13 offers. Just a case of if even if she didn’t get it she Didn’t want us to have it, Something that I now know and will be aware of moving forward

OP posts:
Tiptoes123 · 01/07/2020 18:55

Wow OP, your sister sounds mean! She wouldn't have got the house with her offer, but she didn't want you to have it either? Crikey!! Sorry but that's not a nice trait to have at all.

It's a house on the open market. Anyone could buy it, it's fair game.

I'm afraid now you've backed down she will get first dibs on all houses. How will you be able to avoid this situation again unless you get her permission to buy a new home? And as it seems you are both looking for the same thing, she will get the next house that comes up for sale and you'll have to wait for second best.

Has your relationship always been like that?

Sorry OP you've been out in a tough situation but you shouldn't have withdrawn just because your sister is jealous of you.

Original poster
PLNB31 · 01/07/2020 18:59

I have taken myself out of the situation I won’t be discussing anything with her in the future

OP posts:
Baxdream · 01/07/2020 19:00

That's so sad. I totally understand your thinking. My worry will be what will happen with the next one?
You've done the right thing as you sound like a good person. I hope it works out for you

RagamuffinCat · 01/07/2020 19:03

You need to tell her not to post anymore houses she plans on seeing, or you will keep having this problem and will never be able to move.

Original poster
PLNB31 · 01/07/2020 19:03

I’ve left the family chat but before I did I sent a strong worded message to say I will never allow this to happen again. Hopefully she knows now even if she makes me aware of a house which we are both interested in I won’t be backing down ever again

OP posts:
kenandbarbie · 01/07/2020 19:12

Well now your opinion if her has changed so her crappy behaviour has backfired! Have you left as in totally left the group?

Original poster
PLNB31 · 01/07/2020 19:16

Yes I’ve totally left the group. I suffer with anxiety anyway so for me I had to do it, otherwise like someone else said I wouldn’t move forward in finding anything

OP posts:
Sabee · 01/07/2020 19:31

I hope you find something OP 💐

She might feel jealous of any house you buy 🙁

But I get the thing about the bad energy about the house. I guess you don’t want to always have it associated with what happened. You’ll be living there and always thinking about what happened.

PogoBob · 01/07/2020 19:40

I'm sorry you lost this house @PLNB31, here's hoping your sister realises how unreasonable she's been and acknowledges that she couldn't have got the house irrespective of what you did or didn't do

Original poster
PLNB31 · 01/07/2020 19:44

I’m not holding my breath for an apology

Thank you all for your advice! Am sure me and my family will find something just as lovely as that one was

OP posts:
FartingInTheFence · 01/07/2020 19:59

Whats the point in thanking people for advice when you havent followed it and instead pulled out of a sale on the back of your sister moaning like a ten dollar whore?

You let her walk all over you. Matters not that you are not in the same family group chat. Fact is, she guilt tripped you into pulling out and you DID exactly that.

I would have told her to fuck off.

ChocoTrio · 01/07/2020 20:08

@PLNB31

That's sad you had to pull out. I agree it sounds like your sister emotionally blackmailed you. It's a shame she couldn't have just been happy for you - especially since you say she offered 9k lower.

I guess you can't go back to the vendor now? So, it's game over?

Sabee · 01/07/2020 20:13

It’s not even a case of your sister wanted it.

It looks like she just didn’t want you to have it.

istheresomethingishouldknow · 01/07/2020 20:30

Your sister is being a twat.

You should have gone forward with the house if you wanted it. She can't call dibs because she posted a link and a desire and you didn't. There is not such requirement in life.

ChocoTrio · 01/07/2020 20:46

I would second Edinburgh - but also places like Cheltenham, Oxford and Hay-On-Wye because they have lots of festivals and artsy things going on etc.

ChocoTrio · 01/07/2020 20:47

Whoops - wrong thread.

AIMD · 01/07/2020 20:47

I’m so sad for you. How ridiculous of her to act this way when she wasn’t even actively looking and hadn’t had her house on the market.

Smallgoon · 01/07/2020 20:50

@PLNB31 Your relationship with your sister will be no better by pulling out. I wouldn't want to speak to her again!