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Made wrong move out of London. Help me get it right second time...

490 replies

backtothegrindstone · 17/05/2019 17:31

The title says it all really. We moved out of London nearly 2 years ago to Dorking in Surrey. Its a pretty nice town, but we realised fairly quickly that it just wasn't the right fit for us, and after a lot of soul searching, we've decided that we'd like to move again whilst the kids are still young enough to get over it, with the aim of finding somewhere we can call home for good. There's nothing massively wrong with Dorking, but neither of us can imagine spending the rest of our lives here. There's just too many small elements missing and when you add them all together it makes one big reason not to stay. But I'm terrified of moving again and making the same mistake again. And there are just so many places we could go that I just don't know where to start. I'm hoping people could give me some ideas for places that might be a good fit for us, so I can start looking again?

We were really happy in London as we had a good circle of friends and a nice house, but we didn't really go into central London anymore and spent more and more time in our local neighbourhood. As more and more of our friends started to move out we had less and less reasons to stay and wanted a less hectic lifestyle for our boys. Now we've left, we are fairly sure we don't want to move back to London, but the move out has made us realise that there are a few 'city' things we can't live without that we're just not finding in Dorking. I'm hoping we can find at least most of them somewhere a bit greener and cleaner than London.

So negatives about Dorking for us have been that it's just a little too 'countrysidey' for us. We don't ride horses or have a dog or go mountain biking and we don't really feel like we quite fit in here. We've found the high street just a bit lacking in nice clothes shops and restaurants (especially non-chain restaurants, ideally ones that do brunch!), and it feels like a lot of stuff has closed down even in the 2 years we've been here. We've also really struggled to find a suitable house to buy here (we're looking for a 4+ bedroom detached period house with a decent sized garden within walking distance of the mainline station).

Ideally we're looking to move to a reasonably pretty and leafy 'commuter' town within an hour commute of London (preferably from a station with a minimum of 2 trains an hour) where you don't have to drive to do everyday stuff. Essentials include a supermarket, some decent cafes for brunch and lunch, some nice family friendly pubs, a private gym with a pool nearby, maybe a few decent boutiques and some facilities for kids like parks, playgrounds etc. Oh, and decent schools are a must. Other awesome bonuses would be access to Uber, a reasonable selection of takeaways, some decent bars/pubs and maybe a cinema.

Our house budget is reasonably health, and we're happy to go back within the M25 as long as it still feels green and leafy.

Am I asking the impossible?

OP posts:
BurnedToast · 11/06/2019 15:50

Tbh OP, I think what you're looking for is going to need compromise; either the type of house or the location. DH and I have done all this (but on a far more modest budget) and decided in the end to compromise and stay in London. We're in SW London and like the place we live in. It's got the coffee shops and amenities, plenty of public open space and it's very accessible to the countryside. It also has easy access to central London, but on the downside its comparatively busy with traffic and people everywhere. Its zone 3/4 (not sure which) so it's not as manic as central London. I can't say I've heard much about crime.

You'd probably struggle to get a detached house for your money though, but we live in a terraced house worth a lot less than your budget so I don't know for sure. I'm not trying to persuade you to move here OP, just trying to suggest a compromise night be needed. We wrote a list of what's important to us within our budget which really helped.

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 11/06/2019 15:53

I'd agree with that. Sometimes a decision has to be made about whether house or location is more important.

AnnaNimmity · 11/06/2019 16:04

I agree with the pp - for us I discovered that although I thought it was the house that was more important, it wasn't actually. A big house, gardens etc, was less important in the end to us than location. I think for your budget, in the SE, you can't have both. What about Sussex though if you do want a big house? Horsham, Lewes, etc? nice towns.

TiffinandSATS · 11/06/2019 17:03

Berks/Surrey border? I have friends in Englefield Green which feels incredibly rural but walk down the hill to Egham and it has a 30 minute train to Waterloo. Virginia water/sunningdale/ascot all nice rural feeling areas. Or Wokingham? Voted best place to live recently

BlueSkiesLies · 11/06/2019 17:47

Sorry you’re feeling dejected @backtothegrindstone

It’s the age old compromise though isn’t it? House v location and taking into consideration commute time.

It’s why nicer areas with good train links to London are £££

backtothegrindstone · 11/06/2019 17:55

It wasn't that I was expecting what we want to be cheap. But we've left a nice part of zone 3 SW London where we had a 4 bed semi detached period house with off street parking, a garden and great community that was worth about £800k, and expected to get a bit more than that outside London. And our budget has gone up substantially so didn't think we were unreasonable in expecting a bit more. We're not looking for a mansion, only a bit more garden and to be detached rather than attached! I guess we may discover that Dorking is the best we're going to get for the money we have to spend. Otherwise we might as well of stayed where we were before!

OP posts:
GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 11/06/2019 18:10

You know what, it might just be a matter of time. You've been there less than 2 years, I don't think St Albans felt like home to me after just 2 years - in fact I'm fairly sure I remember really missing London - but I love it now.

Alyosha · 11/06/2019 18:35

What's the appeal of detached vs. semi-detached to you? I mean I get it, but with a good budget you could sound proof if it is about noise?

Detached houses are always going to be harder to find. I have to say all of this is giving me dreadful notions and I'm rightmoving every area I've seen discussed here to see what we could afford moving from our London 2-bed end of terrace!

MangosteenSoda · 11/06/2019 19:17

Sorry, haven't read through the full thread, so this has probably been covered. But... Even with your healthy budget, might it be quite difficult to find a detached house with a large garden within walking distance of a London line train station? Particularly if you're looking for a largish, thriving town. Those kinds of houses are often further out of town and more expensive when closer in to town.

backtothegrindstone · 11/06/2019 19:29

I guess its just the idea that you can't be sure what kind of neighbours you'll get @Alyosha (and my boys are so noisy too so also how awful we'll be to them!). I'm a terrible sleeper and we've been lucky with our previous neighbours being nice, but still our last next door neighbour's son played the clarinet and it used to really get on my nerves. And I hate the feeling of being listened to by the neighbours in the garden- it makes me really self conscious. I know how nosey I am when I can hear my next door neighbours 😂. I think I just felt that we're at that stage of life now that we'd hoped to finally have that space and privacy that you just don't have in a semi. We've moved a lot in the last few years and were hoping our next home would be the place we'd stay for a very long time so had really hoped it'd be a proper forever home.

I know what you mean about time @GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal. 2 years isn't that long and I think if it was just a general sense of unease that I was missing London then I'd give it time. But its also long enough to realise there are things that are really hard to deal with (like super slow trains that take an hour even though you're only 20 miles away from London, and the shops all closing down but nothing new opening other than a wetherspoons). Maybe we will get used to it, I'm just not sure I want to!! But I"m sensible enough to realise that we need to find somewhere that really feels amazing and is so much more right than here for it to be worth moving now the kids are settled.

OP posts:
Alyosha · 11/06/2019 21:53

That does make sense. I am also a light sleeper and dream of soundproofing (or a detatched house!) - it does work wonders.

High fence for the garden with some shrubs???

I hope you like Sevenoaks when you visit again - I am sure you will find "the one"! Good luck.

smallereveryday · 12/06/2019 08:03

Have you considered Tunbridge Wells? It is a town in its own right. Not a corridor commuter town.
The big advantage is the schools . Wether you are looking for one of the best non-selective comprehensives in the country, The Bennett Memorial, (co-ed) a preference for the grammar school system (2 girls and 3 boys to choose from) or Public (Tonbridge & Sevenoaks) not to mention tens of great private schools . You really couldn't find a broader choice of excellent schools . It is the reason why so many people scramble out of London in year 6..

49 mins to Cannon St and London Bridge.

Everything you ask for except UBER but give it a year.

This house is easy walking distance to the beautiful Pantiles where you can indulge your brunch desire at a range of independent restaurants /eateries. The High St is filled with one off clothes boutiques. (There is a shopping centre with all the usual stuff at the other end of town)

Kids can ride/rock climb /football. 3 huge parks in the middle of town. Gyms and Pools everywhere within walking distance.

It's not cheap though .

We live 3 miles outside as the idea of even setting eyes on another person makes me feel like I'm in the metropolis.. but I hate London and am a country girl through and through.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/fullscreen/image-gallery.html?propertyId=80384750&photoIndex=0

MangosteenSoda · 12/06/2019 12:07

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-78549002.html
Not suggesting this house specifically, but some attached houses are quite private from the neighbours. This is technically a terrace, but the living space and garden seem a lot more private than most typical semis and some detached.

Would you compromise more on house (size/style/garden size) or location?

How did you decide on Dorking? Did you choose it first, then looked for a house? Or did you have a few towns in mind, but went for the best house in any of them?

worriedaboutmygirl · 12/06/2019 12:25

Another one for Guildford or Horsham. I know exactly what you mean about Dorking. You'l get a bit more for your money in Horsham but the train is a bit slower www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-81939935.html This one is right by the fantastic park.

worriedaboutmygirl · 12/06/2019 12:29

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-62730192.html Guildford

worriedaboutmygirl · 12/06/2019 12:30

Personally I think Haslemere is like Godalming and Dorking used to be (if a tiny bit bigger). It might not be what you are looking for - although it is lovely and I'd live there in a shot.

TheBitterBoy · 12/06/2019 13:07

You could get so much for your money in East Reading or Earley just look at this beauty (I know its a bit gaudy but what a house) www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-73868882.html

backtothegrindstone · 13/06/2019 13:40

@MangosteenSoda I think the location and the kind of people living in the area are probably the most important things for me as I like to hang out in my neighbourhood and I want to be able to make likeminded friends where I live. But its a hard compromise as I definitely need to love the house too. I'm a real house person - I adore my home and interior design and its also my business so its quite a big thing for me. But we have an absolutely amazing house at the moment, and the location is getting us down so we've realised that the right house in the wrong location isn't enough to make it worthwhile. But equally we moved out of London for a couple of big house related reasons - one was that we both work from home quite a lot of the time so we need enough space for an office (ideally two offices really) and to feel like we're not in each others pockets, which we couldn't afford in London. And the other one was that living in London didn't quite fit the way we travel to meet clients - we both have clients both in London and outside London. Driving back into London could take hours if we got stuck in traffic when we were coming back from meetings so we decided that we really needed to have a foot in both places. So there has to be a bit of compromise really - we need a location where its easy to get into London and also easy to get out of London. So that leaves us stuck on the fringes, near the M25 but looking for towns with a fast train line. It'd be so much easier if we both just had office based 9 to 5 jobs but we don't! I often think I'd be happier closer to London but the only places we can afford the kind of space we need seem to be soulless dormitory outer suburbs and frankly, I'd rather stay in Dorking.

OP posts:
backtothegrindstone · 13/06/2019 13:52

@smallereveryday I like Tunbridge Wells, but it feels so much like a city, and I think we really wanted a town if that makes sense. Also, I find the single sex schools quite off putting to be honest

OP posts:
Bicnod · 13/06/2019 13:56

Haven't read the whole thread but we moved from London to Winchester 7 years ago (needed commuter distance to London) and have been very happy here. We're moving again this summer but that's to be closer to the sea. Winchester has excellent schools, all the city stuff you mentioned.

Bicnod · 13/06/2019 13:57

Also, my best friend moved from Dorking for all the reasons you mention...

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/06/2019 14:59

I'd buy this if I had your budget, OP, though I realise it's probably not "detached" enough for you! It's a fantastic location - walking distance to the station and town centre, near some great schools and a couple of parks.

Enough space in the garden for a second office too.

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-82544813.html

backtothegrindstone · 13/06/2019 15:15

It's really nice @GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal but I'd rather have something bigger and more 'detached' but less done up. I hate paying for someone else's taste when I'll just have to redo it anyway. A worn out three bed with a huge garden and room to expand is more my sort of thing.

OP posts:
TheWayOfTheWorld · 13/06/2019 16:15

How "detached" does it have to be OP? Some of the semis in St Albans are huge with huge gardens:

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-72257908.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-82438850.html

www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-61744248.html

backtothegrindstone · 13/06/2019 16:15

@GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal ignore the inside (and the location obviously) but from the outside front this is more what I had in mind when I say detached, private and leafy www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-60877299.html

OP posts:
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