Made wrong move out of London. Help me get it right second time...

[backtothegrindstone]

The title says it all really. We moved out of London nearly 2 years ago to Dorking in Surrey. Its a pretty nice town, but we realised fairly quickly that it just wasn't the right fit for us, and after a lot of soul searching, we've decided that we'd like to move again whilst the kids are still young enough to get over it, with the aim of finding somewhere we can call home for good. There's nothing massively wrong with Dorking, but neither of us can imagine spending the rest of our lives here. There's just too many small elements missing and when you add them all together it makes one big reason not to stay. But I'm terrified of moving again and making the same mistake again. And there are just so many places we could go that I just don't know where to start. I'm hoping people could give me some ideas for places that might be a good fit for us, so I can start looking again?

We were really happy in London as we had a good circle of friends and a nice house, but we didn't really go into central London anymore and spent more and more time in our local neighbourhood. As more and more of our friends started to move out we had less and less reasons to stay and wanted a less hectic lifestyle for our boys. Now we've left, we are fairly sure we don't want to move back to London, but the move out has made us realise that there are a few 'city' things we can't live without that we're just not finding in Dorking. I'm hoping we can find at least most of them somewhere a bit greener and cleaner than London.

So negatives about Dorking for us have been that it's just a little too 'countrysidey' for us. We don't ride horses or have a dog or go mountain biking and we don't really feel like we quite fit in here. We've found the high street just a bit lacking in nice clothes shops and restaurants (especially non-chain restaurants, ideally ones that do brunch!), and it feels like a lot of stuff has closed down even in the 2 years we've been here. We've also really struggled to find a suitable house to buy here (we're looking for a 4+ bedroom detached period house with a decent sized garden within walking distance of the mainline station).

Ideally we're looking to move to a reasonably pretty and leafy 'commuter' town within an hour commute of London (preferably from a station with a minimum of 2 trains an hour) where you don't have to drive to do everyday stuff. Essentials include a supermarket, some decent cafes for brunch and lunch, some nice family friendly pubs, a private gym with a pool nearby, maybe a few decent boutiques and some facilities for kids like parks, playgrounds etc. Oh, and decent schools are a must. Other awesome bonuses would be access to Uber, a reasonable selection of takeaways, some decent bars/pubs and maybe a cinema.

Our house budget is reasonably health, and we're happy to go back within the M25 as long as it still feels green and leafy.

Am I asking the impossible?

Drat!

I'll be honest, not really my kind of thing at all @Ariela. Very much looking for pre-war houses, and much further away from the neighbours! But will definitely check out the areas. We have friends moving away from Henley at the moment though as they say they hate how snobby it is so might give Henley a wide berth!

Ps does the person who finds the answer to this win a prize??

Yes! They get to come round for tea when we find a house 😂

oh no worries then! I never tired of London, I just moved out because I thought (wrongly) I'd prefer a bigger house and seemingly less crime over what London offered. I accept we're all different - I can't bear the small town/village environment. I'm not horsey or into gardening and need people, bars, roads, parks, restaurants. Busyness probably. I'd go mad in a country town. Plus my job is in London and I found commuting soul destroying.

That said, have you thought about Haslemere OP? That was suggested to me when I was looking - I think it's meant to be pretty, arty and have lots to do. Theatres there too are meant to be good. Maybe slightly (for Surrey) alternative?

I quite like Lewes, but that might be too far out for you? Smaller though and not on the decline.

I actually like Brighton too, but I think that's too big for you?

How funny, I don't find Henley at all snobby! But then again I'm outside of the private school/rowing/coffee circles.
Beaconsfield might work better for you

Winchester would tick a lot of boxes or is it too far out?

Farnham

Godalming

It’s only 10 minutes walk between the station and the centre in Sevenoaks even taking into account the hill. Your main issue might be £1.2 million not getting what you expect in walking distance to both.
In addition to Tunbridge Wells, Bluewater would be the typical shopping choice from Sevenoaks only 20 minutes or so away in the car. Great thing about Sevenoaks it really is best of both worlds in that a spontaneous evening in central London is just as easy as if you live in most of zone 3 (the choice of services means a fair bit of London is quickly accessible without the tube) but National Trust, castles, the coast, country walks bike rides are all so much more accessible at the weekend. And the town itself has decent (if not amazing) shops, cafes etc. Plus Knole Park also elevates the town above your average M25 commuter town.

@7OaksDad thanks that's helpful. Can I ask you some other sevenoaks questions please? Is it easy to get into the station car park if you aren't within walking distance? One problem with Dorking is that you have to be in the carpark by 7.30am or you can't get a space but we don't always travel in the rush hour so that's a problem for us. Also if you come back from London late is it easy to get a taxi at the station? Thanks

Taxis are no problem always loads at the station at all hours. Car parking I’m not the authority as I cycle or change from the Thameslink but there’s loads of parking, the one behind the platforms is permit only with a crazy long waiting list, but the large one across the road and a nearby multi-storey are bigger and I’ve only heard of them filling up post 9.30am and even then rarely (I think but can’t be sure before the multi-storey was finished).

Sevenoaks is lovely but firmly Stepford Wives/Range Rover land. Has the advantage of a quick connection to Central London though for a bit more diversity. It's no different to Surrey.

Ooo, contraversial @lightsabre. Where do you think that's good that isn't?

Totally agree Sevenoaks is similar to Surrey from a diversity perspective - but once you are down the route of M25 commuter towns ‘diversity’ will never be a strong point - you need inner London or much further out for that. Sevenoaks is more a practical family friendly option with decent facilities and London easy enough you still go on the weekend with the kids or for meals not just for work. And it isn’t countrysidy in the way you describe Dorking - horses certainly aren’t a big thing amongst my kids friends and pretty much everyone of working age I know around here works in London.

As there seems to be so much interest in the thread, will continue to update on places visited. Today we went to Haslemere and Godalming. Haslemere is absolutely lovely- feels rather like Wandsworth Common/Northcote Road. Nice shops and decent train. Only real worries was that it's quite small and is quite far from other bigger places. Also don't think there's a cinema. Might be a bit far out to get a cab if we miss the last train home. Definitely on the maybe list though. Godalming was ok but had the feel of decline that Dorking does. Lots of empty shops, no noticeable cafe culture. Lacking in restaurants or cafes that aren't chains. Didn't really love it. Couldn't for the life of me work out why one felt lovely and thriving and the other felt a bit sad as both have pretty buildings and lots of potential. Won't be putting Godalming on the list.

7oaksdad. Harlow is very diverse.

Diversity is more to do with house prices I think, or availability of social housing, rather commuter-bility. Romford, Harlow both v close to London. Both diverse.

@backtothegrindstone you’re going to be a total relocation expert by the time you have finished all your weekend visits :-)

I've revisited a few places yesterday and I'll be honest @BlueSkiesLies, the whole process is making me a bit depressed. I just can't find what we want so far- or if I do find it either it's too far out, doesn't have great trains or is way too expensive so we'd end up with a much smaller house or in a worse area than we'd really want. It's going to be such a huge upheaval moving the kids to a new school, moving our whole lives to a new town, that I need to be so sure we're doing the right thing and that everything would be better in the new place. It's a lot of pressure! I'm scared to move too far from Surrey as most of our friends are this side of London too but Surrey just doesn't seem to be giving me what I'm looking for. It's so depressing to find that our budget, which I thought was huge, wont buy us a decent house in a lot of places. Feeling rather dejected at the moment.

What about Tring or one of the lovely Bucks villages nearby? Not as expensive as Berkhamsted, but close to it, fast travel into Euston, beautiful countryside on your doorstep and excellent schools.

@backtothegrindstone you'll get there! I totally totally understand how daunting it is though as we are in the same boat.

Oh it's tough @backtothegrindstone! I can understand feeling dispirited.

Do come and have a look at St Albans, it has an awful lot of what you want, and our relatives in Surrey can usually get a direct train straight through. Yes, it's expensive, but the property market has slowed right down in recent months so you may find your money goes further than you'd think.

When you come, be aware that there are some closed down business - but I personally think it's a good thing, as they are all chain stores, (mainly restaurants such as Carluccio's, Jamie's Italian and Zaza, which are closing down everywhere) whereas the independent restaurants, cafes and boutiques are thriving.

Come on a market day - Wednesdays and Saturdays for the regular markets, second Sunday of the month for the farmers market - to see at its busiest.

Start off with a coffee at one of the many cafes - I recommend Street Cafe https://www.streetcafe.com/ - then stroll down the high street to the clock tower. If it's open and you're feeling energetic, you can climb to the top for a fabulous view of St Albans and beyond.

Then wander down to the Abbey and have an explore, it's a stunning building full of history. For lunch you're in the vicinity of some of the nicest places, so try Hatch (https://www.hatchstalbans.com/menu-food/), Per Tutti for lovely Italian (https://www.pertuttirestaurant.co.uk/), The Bishop's Cave for cheese and wine/craft beer, or Loft (https://www.loftstalbans.com/) or Dylan's (http://dylanskingsarms.com/) for something fancier.

If it's a sunny day you could then head towards Verulamium Park, where the children can play in the splash park and you can cool off afterwards with a drink in the beer garden of one of the lovely old pubs near the park. If not, you could go and watch a film at the luxurious Odyssey cinema (https://odysseypictures.co.uk/).

Before you go, be sure to call in at Darlish for ice cream (http://darlish.com/) or the Pudding Stop for some of the best desserts you've ever eaten (https://www.thepuddingstop.com/)

There's also a few other great independent restaurants, cafes and clothing boutiques; a leisure centre with three swimming pools; a lovely big library, lots of pubs, and - as I may have mentioned - several theatres.

I promise I don't work for St Albans tourist board (although maybe I should!) or any of the businesses mentioned above, I just think it's a really fantastic place to live.

You don't have to persuade me about St Albans being great @GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal, but Rightmove tells me that we just can't afford what we're looking for there. It seems to be sooooooo expensive! Amazingly it'd be cheaper to move back to London.

It is, admittedly. Our tiny terrace would likely go for over half a million, mainly due to its location.