Looking for a new private school + area for DC (7 & 4) — single working mum, want diversity not elitism

[mumcf1987]

Hi all,

I’m hoping for some advice from anyone who knows schools/areas around the Cotswolds, Oxford or New Forest/Winchester.

I’m a single working mum with two DC (7 and 4). Dad contributes but day-to-day it’s very much just me. They’re currently in a private school near Ascot but it’s extremely elitist — we just don’t fit in. Hardly any mums work, the environment is very privileged, and it’s just not the type of upbringing I want for my two.

I’d like a school that:

• Has bursaries/scholarships available – not because I need one, but because schools that offer them tend to have a more diverse, grounded mix of families.
• Isn’t ultra-pushy or status-driven, but still offers good academics and pastoral care.
• Ideally has a strong community feel, where working parents aren’t an anomaly.
• Goes through to 18 preferably.

I’m also looking to move house, so I’m open to relocating within about 1 hour from Ascot, but not towards London as I need better value for money housing-wise. Areas I’m considering:

• Cotswolds
• Oxford / Oxfordshire villages
• New Forest
• Winchester

If anyone has recommendations for schools or specific towns/villages with a down-to-earth vibe, good state options nearby (just in case) and safe communities for young kids, I’d really appreciate it.

Thank you!

Genuinely intrigued why you are wedded to the independent sector given your criteria and presumably precarious financial situation?!

Oxford has plenty of independent schools and offers a great quality of life - but housing, whether buying or renting, is astonishingly expensive.

Why would you presume I have a precarious financial situation from what I’ve said? That’s very presumptuous of you. Very bizarre comment to make. I’m asking for advice not judgement. Thanks.

Those sound like 4 eye wateringly expensive areas to me.

What gender are your DC? It might make a difference. My son is at Christ Church Cathedral School in Oxford which would meet your criteria if you have boys. Nearly all the parents work (maybe all), it’s not at all financially elitist and there are plenty of scholarships and bursaries, especially for the choristers, but the academics and especially the Music is very strong. It has girls too but only to Year 2 (maybe extending to Y3). Plenty of parents live outside Oxford and commute by train or bus. There are plenty of other choices nearby as well of course!

I moved my children from prep school to state primary as I had similar concerns to you about the level of privilege and pressure they were exposed to. The school had many good points, but I was beginning to feel quite uncomfortable. Their state has its own issues, but I am so grateful that we made the switch, even though we could afford prep relatively easily. It might not suit you, but it could be worth considering.

If you’re looking for value for money housing wise Winchester is not the place for you. Plus the state schools sound like they’d be what you want, but not the private schools.

If you want to consider state education and willing to pay a premium for it (bearing in mind you’ll still be saving based on private schools sound fees) however then Winchester would be perfect for you.

Your school sounds lovely, I have one girl and one boy though. X

Abingdon or Kennington are cheaper than Oxford itself and then you could look at Chandlings for Prep and options like Headington/ OHS/ MCS/ St Helen’s for secondary. I wouldn’t consider any of those elitist in terms of parents - they’d be majority both parents working. St Ebbe’s Primary in Oxford is also a lovely state option, commutable from Kennington on a nice bike path.

@mumcf1987 would you consider Salisbury? Great independent schools but also state options.

My DC are in a local independent school here that is more affordable than most I'd say. It offers scholarships and bursaries, has a truly fantastic headteacher and a reputation for outstanding pastoral care. The families are very down-to-earth

OP, have you tried ChatGPT? It can be really helpful and provide a lot of information for you to explore and figure out what best fits your needs.

St Joseph’s College in Reading fits your criteria. Very diverse, very down-to-earth and lovely.

St Gabriel's in Newbury.
Excelling at pastoral care. Reasonably diverse. Gets good exam results despite not being particularly selective.
Most if not all of the parents work.
Will have bursaries next year.
Beautiful countryside in the outskirts!

Not quite Oxon but look st Chris Letchworth. A really special and down to earth private school.

The Manor in Abingdon ticks all the boxes (co-ed, down to earth) aside from not being an all through. Finishes in Y6 but plenty of Abingdon secondaries to feed to.

The areas you’ve stated have very few ‘down-to-earth’ vibes. I find it quite offensive that you want your DC to attend a school where poor children might go so that you can tick a diversity box.

Sounds like it would be worth you looking at Cranford House School. Good luck!

If you are offended by a faceless stranger’s post on Mumsnet that no one asked you to read then I really feel for sorry for you. Do you just scroll the internet looking for posts to comment negatively on? Some people have too much time on their hands!

Thanks everyone for all your helpful replies! Will look into everything mentioned x

Private schools are, by their very nature, less diverse. 93% of pupils don’t go to them. You’ll only ever get a cohort which is all or mostly made up of kids from wealthy families. That’s fine, but it’s disingenuous to pretend you want diversity.

Second the Manor in Abingdon and Cranford House as ideas. Abingdon/ Kennington/ Wallingford/ Didcot all well placed for lots of these suggestions and very down to earth.

Oh my god- what is wrong with people! You know nothing at all about me including whether I am being genuine or disingenuous. Did no one ever teach you if you’ve got nothing nice to say don’t say it? Leave my post if you don’t like it!

There’s more than one kind of ‘diversity’ @KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying. Outside of London and one or two other cities, independent schools are likely to be far more ethnically diverse than most state schools, for instance. The most well known public school in the country offers 100% bursaries to a small but significant proportion of pupils (not just one or two a year) - making it accessible to families who could never dream of moving into the catchment of any ‘leafy comp’. Not to speak of the increasing numbers of parents of children with special educational needs who can only pray that their local council will pay for the type of school they need.

Essentially, people often seek out fee paying schools because they already diverge from the state school norm - for some reason other than wealth.

I get that @TheApocalypticiansApprenticebut the OP hasn’t mentioned racial diversity or additional needs. Just pushiness and mums not working.

Very odd reply. If you only want answers from people who have exactly the same opinion as yourself, then Mumsnet is not your friend.
Of course it’s offensive that you want your children to be seen to mix with the riffraff - or at least that’s what it comes across as. Virtue signalling at its worst. Do YOU have too much time on YOUR hands?