Looking for a new private school + area for DC (7 & 4) — single working mum, want diversity not elitism

[mumcf1987]

Hi all,

I’m hoping for some advice from anyone who knows schools/areas around the Cotswolds, Oxford or New Forest/Winchester.

I’m a single working mum with two DC (7 and 4). Dad contributes but day-to-day it’s very much just me. They’re currently in a private school near Ascot but it’s extremely elitist — we just don’t fit in. Hardly any mums work, the environment is very privileged, and it’s just not the type of upbringing I want for my two.

I’d like a school that:

• Has bursaries/scholarships available – not because I need one, but because schools that offer them tend to have a more diverse, grounded mix of families.
• Isn’t ultra-pushy or status-driven, but still offers good academics and pastoral care.
• Ideally has a strong community feel, where working parents aren’t an anomaly.
• Goes through to 18 preferably.

I’m also looking to move house, so I’m open to relocating within about 1 hour from Ascot, but not towards London as I need better value for money housing-wise. Areas I’m considering:

• Cotswolds
• Oxford / Oxfordshire villages
• New Forest
• Winchester

If anyone has recommendations for schools or specific towns/villages with a down-to-earth vibe, good state options nearby (just in case) and safe communities for young kids, I’d really appreciate it.

Thank you!

No it isn't

Private schools vary a lot, some are mainly attended by kids whose families are extremely well and have not a jot of concern about money (not ideal if that's not going to your kid's situation). Some include plenty of duel income families for whom it is a stretch. Some include a fair number kids from different ethnicities and cultural backgrounds, some don't have much of that.

All of which you'd know if you knew anything about private schools. There are some truly mad responses on this thread.

OP, if you'd consider Horsham/Sussex way Christ's Hospital is ace and as socially and ethically diverse as they come. It's largely based on scholarships and boarding but they do now have lots of local day kids paying full fees.

If you're offended by the OP then perhaps it isn't your friend either.

The riffraff comment is truly bizarre - your issues are about you not the OP. She wants a school w kids whose mostly parents have to work, as opposed to mostly v rich kids. What's weird about that?

@theunbreakablecleopatrajones Unfortunately quite a lot. It’s hugely judgemental and difficult to find. Working parents are usually less involved in school activities and no school has 100% non working mums. None. If you work it’s not unusual at all. My DD went to school in Ascot. Mums worked. Plenty had very good jobs! This is more about moving house and disliking certain mums. At a prep it’s easy to avoid other mums too! Many just do their own thing. As they will elsewhere. The op doesn’t like certain people which is a bit sad.

There are posters on all of these threads who seem to get a kick out of being rude about private schools in general and private school students and parents in general. No reference at all to the vast differences between these schools and why families choose them. Personally I wish I’d had the luxury of my child’s needs being met in the state system.

OP I totally get what you mean. Ironically the school we attended with the flashiest parents living in the biggest houses and the most SAHP was the village infant school that let my son down so badly.

I don't buy this 'I'm middle class & not wealthy and can send my child to private school by working hard & making sacrifices argument'. It's all rather Marie Antoinette. Completely out of touch. Most average income households don't have 20k spare disposable income pa to send their child to private school by shopping in Aldi.

@Stoneangel Many working mums I met didn’t see dc much Mon-Friday. School was long hours and nanny’s picked up dc. I don’t see non working mums as the issue in schools. Not sure why we cannot accept all mums as having a place?

@Stoneangel a lot of dc in private schools are funded by baby boomer grandparents who help out by downsizing.

Wider family funding private school places

Many grandparents do this to reduce IHT and the inheritance is given early when it’s most useful. We expect to do this.

I thinks it’s best to concentrate on doing what’s best for your own dc’s education and leave other parents to do likewise.

One of the main push motivations to choosing independent schools is to avoid parents with the attitude you describe. I think it’s often skirted around, but the reality is people are stretching themselves to pay for non state schools to avoid bad parenting and the resulting bad pupil behaviour. It’s the biggest issue in state schools, not the lack of astroturfing. I don’t know why people aren’t more honest about it.

Maybe you don't, but this single mum has afforded the 50% fees associated with my ds' academic scholarship. You'd be surprised how a lot of people manage. Armed forced parents in receipt of govt contribution. High function autistics being financed by LEAs because it's less expensive than special schools.

It's been a bit hand to mouth for the last 6.5 years but I've managed (just), and ds has benefitted from the full range of activities at his school.

Two payments to go 😳

Awesome, well done! It’s hard over here to but wouldn’t have it any other way!

It might be worth asking on the HENRYUK subreddit, as a lot of people there will have children at independent/fee paying schools.

@RadialEffergy I think that should also include not criticizing them for not working.

I speak as a single working mother who has put her kid through private education since reception (now thankfully coming to the end of it in Year 11).

With the introduction of VAT, the only people you will find in private schools nowadays are either the very(!) wealthy, stuck like me waiting for their kid to finish GCSEs and run to the state sector or kids with significant SEN. Ordinary working middle class families are opting for state, so you won't find many sticking around in the private sector.

I think you're absolutely mad to go down the private route with two primary-aged kids. It's a complete and utter waste of money that you will never see a return on.

Yes but the education tax is temporary, every party bar SNP and Labour have pledged to reverse it. You also have to factor in the ideology at state schools, some of Labours ideas are very wacky. Can’t put a price on that really.

They won’t reverse if no way

Front runners Reform will (on record), Conservatives will (on record), Lib Dem’s will (on record), rejoin EU or closer alignment then it becomes illegal anyway so will be reversed.

So if Labour, SNP or the Green Party are in without a move to rejoin EU then it would stay but let’s be honest that is not going to happen.

It’s very likely to be gone in the next 4 years to bring us back in line with the 99% of other developed countries who don’t tax children’s education. Too late for some schools and pupils but it’s an almost certainty it’s not around for long. I wouldn’t base your long terms child’s education around a blip from a short lived unhinged Government.

Very much wishful thinking on your part. It's unfortunately a very popular tax on the "rich", which the vast majority of people support and only negatively affects a small proportion of the population. I also wouldn't raise your hopes that the UK will ever rejoin the EU (at least not anytime soon).

I would love for both to happen, but it's utopian thinking.

We shall see.

I suspect “the vast majority of people supported” the VAT because Labour stated it would be used to improve state education. That now isn’t happening.

Yes, incredibly the 6500 teachers it was going to be used for is now actually -86. Entirely predictable.

Free cornflakes somewhere though.

The vast majority of people don’t give a shit about vat on private school it only affects 7% of kids. Rejoining the eu would be deeply unpopular seeing as the people voted to leave and we’re supposed to live in a democracy