Looking for a new private school + area for DC (7 & 4) — single working mum, want diversity not elitism

[mumcf1987]

Hi all,

I’m hoping for some advice from anyone who knows schools/areas around the Cotswolds, Oxford or New Forest/Winchester.

I’m a single working mum with two DC (7 and 4). Dad contributes but day-to-day it’s very much just me. They’re currently in a private school near Ascot but it’s extremely elitist — we just don’t fit in. Hardly any mums work, the environment is very privileged, and it’s just not the type of upbringing I want for my two.

I’d like a school that:

• Has bursaries/scholarships available – not because I need one, but because schools that offer them tend to have a more diverse, grounded mix of families.
• Isn’t ultra-pushy or status-driven, but still offers good academics and pastoral care.
• Ideally has a strong community feel, where working parents aren’t an anomaly.
• Goes through to 18 preferably.

I’m also looking to move house, so I’m open to relocating within about 1 hour from Ascot, but not towards London as I need better value for money housing-wise. Areas I’m considering:

• Cotswolds
• Oxford / Oxfordshire villages
• New Forest
• Winchester

If anyone has recommendations for schools or specific towns/villages with a down-to-earth vibe, good state options nearby (just in case) and safe communities for young kids, I’d really appreciate it.

Thank you!

Thank you, unfortunately I can’t move further north as I can’t be more than an hour away from my children’s father with whom I am no longer with. I am sticking with private and if they are lucky enough to get a place at a good grammar school for secondary then that would be excellent.

Just thought this morning - for Oxfordshire/ Cotwolds then Chipping Norton is very nice, cheaper housing than south Oxfordshire and despite the reputation, very down to earth (I grew up there).

Sibford School and Kingham Hill School
both independent options nearby - I don’t have recent knowledge of them but my brother was at Sibford for junior dept and loved it, they both have boarding and go to 18, my brother used to flex board sometimes. Very nurturing. Also good state options in the town.

I love chipping Norton and it’s one of the areas on my list! I will look at both those schools! Huge bonus that they go through to 18! Thanks for being kind!

Have you looked at north east Hampshire? Lots of private schools around there. Can’t really speak to their diversity but should be worth a look?

Some of the areas you mentioned in your OP - the New Forest and Oxford are further than an hour from Ascot.

No direct experience but St Josephs and Leighton Park in Reading have reputations as being less elitist than other private school in the area.

Ballard School in New Milton has a very good reputation for being laid back and arty. It’s all through to 16 but lots of good sixth form options around.

St Swithun's in Winchester has a well established bursary fund and awards bursaries to about 60 children each year. I have no idea about the prep school though.

Not quite the places you said, but Worcester is really lovely, and house prices are slightly cheaper but rising.

RGS Worcester is 2-18 and it is a good school.

The vast majority are two working parent households with not a lot of inherited wealth at all. In fact, nobody in my children's two year groups have inherited wealth.

Only 7% go to private school, I don’t think there a “down to earth” private school or “financial diversity “ by nature they will be full of wealthy families.

I don’t think people are being mean to point that out

Perhaps you might be being quick to judge those families who work hard and go without other things to be able to afford to send their children to private school? Maybe you are being judgemental without having first hand experience?

I think a decent state school would probably be a better fit but can understand your dilemma of getting into one mid year/moving to be in the correct catchment.

But there is a huge difference between parents in the bottom 10% of private school families and the top 10% of families. As well as a big difference between the types of families who use certain schools.

If you have 2 consultant parents, both of whom work, who came from average families, and chose to have only one child (so more affordable), they will be more down to earth.

If you have families who are land owners, their parents went to boarding school, they went to boarding school, their children now go to boarding school, all paid for by a huge trust fund, they are going to be less down to earth.

Someone paying £60k a year per child for Cheltenham College is going to be different to someone paying £20k a year for Richard Pates. Yes, they are both fortunate, but they are not the same type of family.

Cokethorpe near Witney might be a good fit.

I’ve got nothing against anyone sending their kids to private school that’s your business but people are just pointing out only 7% go you have to be very wealthy to afford it most people even if they worked hard and went without things wouldn’t afford it.
If you want private school that’s fine but it’s a bit strange to say you want financial diversity/down to earthiness if you want those that much just send your kid to a regular school

Thank you for articulating this so well! I’m at a loss with some of these comments from other posters. I fall within the first category of family you described as and they are few and far between at my current school (where almost everyone is akin to the second type of family you described) I’m looking for somewhere where there are more families in a similar situation to myself so my children fit in better. I don’t know why that’s so wrong!

And I have nothing against the other type of family you described, in fact, my best friend comes from a land owning family with everyone in her family going to private schools for many generations past. X

I think the problem is you are asking for diversity in the sense they have working mothers. It's a very narrow definition of diversity.

DD has a primary school friend that is at St Swithins in Winchester. It's ethnically diverse enough that all her friends have parents from mainland China. I get the vibe they are Crazy Rich Asians though (the book/movie reference). Another PP mentioned it upthread. There's Winchester College for your boy nearby. Rishi Sunak went there and he's Asian with working parents. But it's a long time ago obviously.

I had a friend who was a single parent. She sent both her children to private school (at least one with a partial bursary). She shopped at next, and fat face rather than designer brands or even jigsaw and mint velvet. That’s what is meant be diversity. Not just those with inherited wealth and multiple properties

people that rent a villa for 2 weeks of summer holidays not just people who own the holiday home as well as a ski chalet.

No I’m not just asking for diversity in the form of working mothers. I’m asking for all round financial/social diversity. Like a previous commenter said - not just families with generational wealth and trust funds which many of the ‘top tier’ private schools have.

Absolutely correct! That’s how we live our life but next to nobody in a similar circumstance at our current school. I don’t want my kids to not be proud of the life we have because everyone has ‘more’ or ‘better’ than them as ultimately we should be proud of what we have achieved through hard work and not feel inferior. I said before, it’s not about me and how I feel, I have no problem not having a designer wardrobe or a ski chalet etc but I don’t want my kids to grow up feeling like the odd ones out. Equally I appreciate we are very privileged in relation to the majority of the population to be in the position we are and that I can afford to send them to private school. I’d just like to find somewhere where there are more families of a similar level so we are not an anomaly x

I suggest you think carefully about where you would like them to go on to for schools afterwards and what you’d be able to afford. It seems to me to be important that you think in the long-term.

This is why I’m looking predominately at schools that go through to 18 as the fees stay reasonably consistent rather than take a massive just like the more traditional senior schools. Will also be looking at grammar potentially if my children are academic enough to succeed in securing a place.

Cokethorpe in Witney. Not overly selective, but decent results, goes through to 18, community feel. Housing is cheaper than Oxford and deeper into the Cotswolds, but still lovely area to live in. Good state schools near by, and easy to move to many of the other schools mentioned in the area at 1st/3rd/6th form if wanted.

I have a tour booked with Cokethorpe. Do you have personal experience of the school? Would love to know what the pastoral care is like. Do you know Witney as an area at all? Thanks for your help x