Looking for a new private school + area for DC (7 & 4) — single working mum, want diversity not elitism

[mumcf1987]

Hi all,

I’m hoping for some advice from anyone who knows schools/areas around the Cotswolds, Oxford or New Forest/Winchester.

I’m a single working mum with two DC (7 and 4). Dad contributes but day-to-day it’s very much just me. They’re currently in a private school near Ascot but it’s extremely elitist — we just don’t fit in. Hardly any mums work, the environment is very privileged, and it’s just not the type of upbringing I want for my two.

I’d like a school that:

• Has bursaries/scholarships available – not because I need one, but because schools that offer them tend to have a more diverse, grounded mix of families.
• Isn’t ultra-pushy or status-driven, but still offers good academics and pastoral care.
• Ideally has a strong community feel, where working parents aren’t an anomaly.
• Goes through to 18 preferably.

I’m also looking to move house, so I’m open to relocating within about 1 hour from Ascot, but not towards London as I need better value for money housing-wise. Areas I’m considering:

• Cotswolds
• Oxford / Oxfordshire villages
• New Forest
• Winchester

If anyone has recommendations for schools or specific towns/villages with a down-to-earth vibe, good state options nearby (just in case) and safe communities for young kids, I’d really appreciate it.

Thank you!

Online forums are generally shocking to be fair. You’ve just got to ignore what doesn’t serve you. Interacting with people looking for a fight only serves to embolden them. You wouldn’t stop on a train platform to listen to a drunk rant at you so don’t stop here for it either.

Abingdon prep is getting a new head and I’m hopeful they will sort out the upper part of the school. Lower down it’s perfectly fine. The Senior school is phenomenal and is in a different league to Cokethorpe in terms of results and facilities. The other half curriculum is amazing and unmatched anywhere else that I’ve seen. It’s very very hard to predict why your kids will be like in five years or what any school will be like in 5 years. Choose for now and know you may have to switch gears. It’s why we choose private really - for the choice.

No matter what private school your child goes to they won’t be encountering poor people, whether the fees are 20k or 60k a year is irrelevant only 7% go to private school most people couldn’t afford even the cheapest private school.

If you want to send your child to private school that’s your business people are just pointing out if financial diversity is such a big deal to you why not just send them to a normal school?

They "won't be encountering poor people"? You do know schools have busaries and most kids do know people outside of their school, some have even (shockingly) been to a state private school which might be why they don't want to attend one for secondary or sixth form. The idea that it's all billionaires with yachts when so many are SEN families pushing themselves into poverty for their kids is laughable.

OP, I'm a single working mum. Try Rookwood in Andover. Quite close to Winchester. It's a small all-through co-ed school. Not flash, quietly academic. Good exam results. Financially stable.

Parents are a mix of armed forces, local professional & farming families and international. Boarding or day pupils. Bus routes from all the nearby towns. Occasional boarding is useful if you need to travel for work, like me. I've not experienced any 'elitism' in the last seven years, just the impression that it is a happy, optimistic place.

I agree with everything you are saying here but you are not really going to meet any poor people at any private school.
I'd stick with the privileged school if the kids are happy there, and then involve the children on their local community in other ways (maybe scouts or other clubs) and meet less privileged people that way.

Bursaries are very rarely 100%. Prioritising sending your child to a certain school because they have sen is great but still wouldn’t be possible if you didn’t have more money than the average person.
Let’s not pretend private school families aren’t a lot better off than the average family

Stroud also has some good state options. There are some outstanding primaries and separate boys and girls state grammar schools.
Prices are not as eye watering as the "nearer London" Cotswold areas and in the state sector there is definitely a diversity of financial situations. It is not a particularly diverse area racially though.

Have you considered widening your search area? If you looked at an ethnically diverse city like Bristol you would probably find that the diversity in the school would be greater

Please feel free to act on the spirit of this site and leave the attitude after you asked for opinions. I have been to private and state. Private isn’t better.

We are also in Ascot and moved our kids from private after primary to the very good state school in Ascot in order for them to experience a more realistic representation of society (and because while private was good, didn’t quite feel that we were getting great value for money). While not perfect, it is a very good school and we haven’t regretted the decision. One child now at Oxbridge and the other doing A levels.

We will be sending our son to Warwick, we are just north of the cotswolds and chose it over others largely as it's way more diverse, lots of different financial situations as well as cultures. I would say though this is partly down to the fact it's quite big, and also because it is academically strong/ selective in older years and so the type of school that parents are more likely to stretch and travel for. For reputation, and facilities and academics I'd say it's also quite good 'value' comparatively. It's also the only one locally (I found) that was oversubscribed with competition for places (other than grammar of course), which is encouraging with lots of independent schools under financial strain now. Just another one to mention in case it works in terms of location, it is ages 3-18 :)

I heard good things about Abingdon. Friends who are there work ‘normal’ professional careers with one child. Very international cohort. They’re still in prep but looking to continue all the way through.

Good luck. I was once in your position in a different area and managed to get what we wanted, which is similar to your description in my mind.

The one thing I’d question though is whether the existence of bursary programs promotes diversity. Bursary places are either funded by ringfenced endowment funds (most common in ‘elite’ boarding schools) or subsidised by full fee paying families. If the fees have to go up to sustain such programs, I think it’ll impact the bottom end of fee paying parents more. At the extreme the school can just end up with very wealthy families who don’t even notice the fee differences and a few bursary students. Personally I’d prefer having a larger pool of families to begin with. I appreciate this in the pool of people who can afford private schools in the first place, but I’d prefer this pool to be 20% of all families than 5%. Before anyone jumps on accuracy, I’m using these numbers are for illustration purposes only. This is just my opinion! Clearly you’ve thought a lot about this, and again good luck!

Have you considered Bloxham? Lots of parents in similar positions as you, and considerable diversity of economic background.

I'm in Witney at the moment. It's definitely more competitive with house prices and you're on the edge of the cotswolds so some lovely countryside. I prefer Abingdon as it's smaller and on the river. Cokethorpe has school buses to most of the towns and villages so that opens things up a bit as to where to live.
Lots going on in Oxford, concerts and the music scene is pretty good. But proximity to Oxford is why I prefer Abingdon as I can cycle in. Wherever you decide, if in this area check out the transport because it can be a bit of a nightmare around Oxford, like most cities I guess.

A friend of mine is a therapist for kids at our local private school and she begged me not to send them there. said the pressure in immense.

@eqpi4t2hbsnktd Pressure to do what? Certainly no pressure from an ofsted inspection or school improvement. Many private schools coast along by comparison. Many parents are pushy. Less so the schools themselves. My DD attended a well known boarding/day prep for girls. Many parents wanted certain top schools at 13 but the majority were realistic. My DD was very happy there. Most preps aren’t that pushy and most dc in them don’t take sats either - the ultimate state school pressure on dc. My DD had a much easier time.

Recommendation 3:
(I do work there though!)

Very friendly and they really put the children first. The cheaper end of the private school scale, with children who seem fairly down to earth. I suspect many don't have ponies. Used to be all girls but changed recently. A nice family feel.

I’m in Berkshire and changed schools to a more academic school (St John’s Beaumont) from September. I have a boy and a girl. We also looked at Abingdon Prep, Cheam, Papplewick, the Marist and Crosfields. Abingdon Prep and Cheam were a bit too far for us, but I’m looking in the direction of Abingdon and SHSK for senior as they are on the other side of Abingdon and closer to us. Cheam is dazzling, but maybe too elitist for you? We were really debating Crosfields vs St Johns, couldn’t decide and my dad then said - I like the name St John’s better, that’s how we chose haha! Anyway, see what you feel about Abingdon Prep, you can get into senior Abingdon without exams then. Crosfields has very new facilities and is not elitist at all, but my concern about it was that it maybe wasn’t very academic. Do pm me to chat more if needs be.

I haven't messaged, sorry - can't work out how to do it on the app. Will do so when I get to a computer.

That’s so kind of you thank you! The app isn’t particularly intuitive! X

IME there are some big drawbacks with ‘all through’ to 18 schools, so wouldn’t prioritise that.

Agree with PPs that there is little socio economic diversity at private school. In terms of what you’re seeking the cost of fees relative to other private schools is likely to be the main factor.

You’ll also want a financially viable school.

Where I am, what seems like a lot of the school mums don’t work or have low hours/earnings jobs or very small own businesses. But I don’t bump into the working ones as often! (i work)

Most of the privates round here have a wide mix of backgrounds of the dc who attend, only one or two are heavy on monied or elite. These tend to be the boarding schools.

I think you need to narrow your geographical search zone.

I would recommend round Oxford if you want both parents working (where they are able) and ethnic diversity. Social diversity will depend on bursary availability, and I’ve never qualified so can’t help there.

Abingdon is a good school at senior level for boys, and just moved to co-ed. A colleague has a son there and it’s apparently been brilliant. I have a daughter at SHSK which is great both academically and pastorally. We did state primary, rather than prep, which is a mixed bag but overall we’ve been very happy. Everyone speaks highly of the Manor prep that I’ve spoken with.

We aren’t super rich but are well off (probably similar to you), and I come from a free school meals and benefits background. Of the Oxford schools we looked at, I didn’t vibe at all with Headington (which my colleague calls ‘jolly hockey sticks’) but OHS and SHSK felt right. Some of DDs friends have clearly got more money than us, but it’s not an issue.

It does depend a bit on your kids though. What are their interests and are they academic?

Are there no suitable private schools in/near Slough or Reading?

this one has nice looking website: https://www.longcloseschool.co.uk/