Private schools - Are you all rich

[Whatsitreallylike]

Divisive I know, and not a popular MN thing to say (name changed), but I want to send my DD to a local private school.

Its 4-11 only, and is known to be a feeder school to the local grammar (nothing guaranteed of course) so I’d like to give it a shot. I know a lot of 11+ tutoring is also required etc.. and if unsuccessful DD will likely be going to local comp secondary if not grammar as nothing else really around (no private secondaries for some distance).

Heres the question, will my DD be bullied for not being ‘rich’.
We have a combined income of £170k pa and not huge outgoings so we’re comfortable, but we’re not rich. We live in a 3 bed semi, have a few investment properties but on the face of it we’re very average. We can afford the extra curricular, school trips, clothes etc… but wondered what average looks like at these schools and will she be faced with comments like ‘you have a small house’, ‘your mums car is 5 years old’ etc… I don’t want her to be an outsider and would rather her at the local state school if she’d be more comfortable there.

With it being a grammar ‘feeder’ I imagine many parents may be in a similar boat to us, comfortable but not flash, investing early in education and hoping for the best. If your kids go to a 4-11 independent school, could you please tell me if I’m right or wrong to be worried please?

On what planet is £170 p/a not rich!?

Come on!

There's not a single person here who can answer that I'm afraid.

Try your local FB groups and ask if anyone's kids go there.

They'll have more of an idea of the culture etc.

With an income of £170k, a few investment properties and low outgoings, you are - statistically - very well off. The average salary is c£37k.

Like you just have OP, they’ll all say no.

DD went to a prep that sounds very similar - it’s a big feeder to a local, highly regarded and competitive grammar.

We were most definitely not rich. In fact for a lot of the time that DD was there I was a single mum just about surviving on £35k per year. My mum paid DD’s school fees - same for a lot of other families. Of course some were very well off, however the vast majority were just normal families with two working parents trying to do the best for their kids. There was very little snobbery, it was a lovely, supportive and humble environment for DD and others to grow up in. I made lifelong friends in many of the parents

I’m sorry but what are you talking about
£170,000 PA is rich
So is having several investment properties
so is being able to afford private school
goady, ridiculous OP

I also agree with this…

IME, not everyone at Private School is rich.
You’re comfortably off.

£170 K is average??!

Are you for real?!

Oh dear Lord...

Fear not. Your disposable income will put you in the top 1:5th of UK households.

My god! “Nooo I’m not rich, we just have massive generational wealth” catch yourself on!!

Heres the question, will my DD be bullied for not being ‘rich’.

Bullied?

Goodness. 170k incomes, a few investment properties…

We're just moving this over to our private schools topic!

As someone with a similar combined household income and no investment properties... you are rich 😅

My child goes to such a school. He has classmates from some very wealthy families. The wealth tends to come from things like selling businesses or working in investment banking, a few are celebs in the entertainment world. Our income is similar to yours, we are a classic two professional salary setup. I’d say we are in the bottom 25% of wealth among our fellow parents. We’ll be keeping our car more than 5 years!

He’s only 8 so I can’t say what the older kids are like but I can 100% say that, so far, no child has ever bullied him or taken any interest whatsoever in our finances. The children from the wealthy families are generally extremely well-mannered. The school also has a number of bursary children and would crack down HARD on anyone who was heard to make disparaging comments about another child’s financial status.

But bottom of the imaginary Mumsnet earners! 🤣

Anyone who can afford to send their child/ren to a fee paying school is doing alright.
Our combined income is <50k and we have 0 investment properties.

Sorry, we don’t appear to be rich. We’re in a 3 bed semi, don’t drive new cars, no designer gear. We’re not flashy. We’re savers. I won’t keep up with the joneses.

I wanted to understand if this would make DD a target for bullies.

This has got to be a wind up

Your DD will be fine OP. Do you honestly think 4-11 year olds know what their parents earn????

The best thing to do is to go to an open evening and look around with other potential parents. See if you can start any conversations with them.

In my experience the extremes are quite vast. Some might be there on an EHCP so the LA pay the fees or a full scholarship and some of those live somewhere smaller with older cars. Then you’ll get the affluent ones who live in big houses with plenty of land, but most people manage to fit in.

No one here can tell you about the culture of a specific school if you’re not willing to name it. Ask around locally or consider reposting under a name change and ask more broadly what the school is like would be my advice. But 4YOs don’t know a car is x years old. They usually think it’s cool if it has big wheels or comes in a bright colour. A builders van would tick a lot of boxes for a boy in reception!
IDK at what age they start realising these things but my 7YO still doesn’t have a clue. And a semi, as opposed to a terrace or even a flat, would be considered pretty fancy in a lot of London. I suspect you’re worrying about nothing.

Thank you so much for this